Larry Gonick > Quotes

“(First Barbarian): whats the difference between a lord and a barbarian?
(second Barbarian): As little as a week!”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe III: From the Rise of Arabia to the Renaissance

“Look son, the Human Pig.

(shocked)Mother, y-you're inhuman!

(deadpan)Another animal could do this?”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe II, Vol. 8-13: From the Springtime of China to the Fall of Rome

“The New Englander is half-mad. His idea of a good time is to preach sermons 51 weeks of the year, and destroy buildings on the 52nd. Besides, he lacks the refinement that can only come from wielding absolute power over a servile class.'
'The Southerner's religion is corrupt; his morals are lax; his plantations are cruel; his women are easy. His life is (shudder) deeply tempting.'
'Non-Pennsylvanians are all obsessed.'
'Hey, I'm Jewish. Where can I go but Rhode Island?'
Any chance of uniting all of these? Not in 1765!”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the United States

“Wayward Brahmin: 'I can buy all the ginger and pepper you can grow.'
Spice Islander: 'Marry my daughter!'
The young bride melts into his arms.
Wayward baron: 'But isn't it forbidden to marry outside caste, my guru?'
'Unless gig is very, very good, my disciple.'
A century or so later:
'You grow all the ginger and pepper we can buy!”
― Larry Gonick

“First two cells to diddle each other's genes:
'I'm only doing this, Anita, because I want your
descendants to be an improvement on you.'
'Egotist.”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe I, Vol. 1-7: From the Big Bang to Alexander the Great

“What's the attraction, honey?'
'Ever since He raised my brother Lazarus from the grave, it's been magic between us!”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe II, Vol. 8-13: From the Springtime of China to the Fall of Rome

“(First two cells to diddle each other's genes)
'I'm only doing this, Anita, because I want your descendants to be an improvement on you.'
'Egotist.”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe I, Vol. 1-7: From the Big Bang to Alexander the Great

“This is MY FATHER'S House - not a bank!!!'
'What's got into Him??' 'Low blood sugar?' 'Hey Judas - get the coins!”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe II, Vol. 8-13: From the Springtime of China to the Fall of Rome

“Is this a good time to consider the habits of very effective people?'
(Emperor Tai-Tsung, newly crowned)
'Ahem'.”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe III: From the Rise of Arabia to the Renaissance

“Buddha: 'Onward! Forward to the fund-raiser.'
Mahavira: 'Onward! Forward to - wait a minute. Did I hear someone swat a mosquito?”
― Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe I, Vol. 1-7: From the Big Bang to Alexander the Great

“Hm... Harbor's finished, so's the public market, business is booming....
My palace couldn't be posher, hot and cold running wine, live muzak....
So what's to buy next? I want something - really - useless....
I know! I'll get a PHILOSOPHER!!'
Hiring someone just to sit around thinking - now there was an idea!
'What should I think about?' 'Anything - you - like!'
It must have been hard at first.”
― Larry Gonick