Bob Mortimer > Quotes

“Fuck off with your Kit Kat Chunky”
― Bob Mortimer, The Satsuma Complex

“Always enter your shoes before wearing them.”
― Bob Mortimer, And Away...

“dogs sharing an interest in a spillage (I imagine the dogs are called Zak Briefcase and Lengthy Parsnips).”
― Bob Mortimer, The Satsuma Complex

“I'm sure a lot of people have these little daydreams and flights of fancy to fill the passing of time, but I don't know if they realize how important they can be to inject a bit of balance and optimism into your life.”
― Bob Mortimer, The Satsuma Complex

“she might be interested in me, or what I attempt to represent.”
― Bob Mortimer, The Satsuma Complex

“never bothered with social media and the like. I don’t see the point of it; I’ve got enough strangers in my life as it is.”
― Bob Mortimer, The Clementine Complex

“I'm always bending over myself to be someone that people like and, sometimes, I get the urge to do something that feels liberating to me. Yes, I feel terrible now, absolutely mortified if the truth be known, but at least it felt like I was living a little.”
― Bob Mortimer, The Satsuma Complex

“And off she toddled back into the flat, banging Lassoo in the face with the door as he followed behind her. He looked up at me as if to say, 'That's your fucking fault.”
― Bob Mortimer, The Satsuma Complex

“I’ll get a massive egg hit when I eventually pop that first piece of soft-boiler down my neck.”
― Bob Mortimer, The Long Shoe: The new novel from multi-million selling author

“Marzipan's a private matter!”
― Bob Mortimer

“You've done amazing with the hotel, Emily,' said Grace. 'No thanks to him, of course.'

'Excuse me, Grace, but it was me that hung all the pictures up on the second-floor landing.'

'Funny that,' said Grace. 'That was the only part of the hotel that didn't work for me. Spacing was all wrong.'

'Bit like your teeth,' I said.”
― Bob Mortimer, The Hotel Avocado

“My mum used to tell me that I was blessed with a good imagination and should use it to my advantage—to relieve any boredom and inject perspective and joy into my life.”
― Bob Mortimer, The Clementine Complex

“I don't feel scared about death, I just feel so frustrated and sad to think I won't see how stories end. My children's story. My wife's. The football. All the stories going on in the world that you're going to miss the end of”
― Bob Mortimer

“There’s nothing wrong with Aldi”
― Bob Mortimer, The Hotel Avocado

“When you asked me to go fishing, Paul, yeah and I was a bit reluctant, let's be honest... after I’d had me operation… I were just thinking though, at some point I said 'Yes', yeah? And because of that my life has changed. And now I have these lovely fishing trips, so on and so forth, so my life's changed. Because I said 'Yes'. As you get older you say 'No' more: ‘Would you like to do this?' ' Would you like to come round to this?' 'Would you like to go to this?' You increasingly say 'No'. And you end up on your own watching the TV. So occasionally the word ‘Yes’ can be a cracker… I just think it is like a little pathway to isolation you know, to sitting in your bungalow, y’now.”
― Bob Mortimer

“You look about as dynamic as an abandoned fridge”
― Bob Mortimer, The Satsuma Complex