Paula Poundstone > Quotes

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up ’cause they’re looking for ideas.”
― Paula Poundstone

“The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer.”
― Paula Poundstone

“It's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. Librarians have stood up to the Patriot Act, sat down with noisy toddlers and reached out to illiterate adults. Libraries can never be shushed.”
― Paula Poundstone

“The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
”
― Paula Poundstone

“There are those wonderful moments of clarity in life when one is reminded how irreparably flawed we humans are. Once, when I was nineteen, on the subway in Boston I lost my balance slightly and bumped into an elderly woman. I quickly apologized and she replied, "Well, hold on to something, stupid." There it is. That's it. That's it in a nutshell. I don't want to sound negative, but I think every fetus should be shown a film of that incident, maybe projected up on the uterine wall, and then asked if it wants to come out. I am a strong believer in a woman's right to choose, but I also think that in the last trimester, the kid should be given every opportunity to back out.”
― Paula Poundstone

“It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose.”
― Paula Poundstone, There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say

“My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.”
― Paula Poundstone

“I think that's why they have so many religious freaks in the airports...they even keep the flowers behind the counter. 'Go, go my children...be fruitful and annoy.”
― Paula Poundstone

“Deep-rooted happiness may require a sense of purpose. If I don't feel that I am in some small way contributing to the greater good, holding on to happiness is like carrying water in my hands.”
― Paula Poundstone, The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness

“Thomas E has already told me that he had to write a tweet for English and that his teacher liked his rough draft. Alley’s”
― Paula Poundstone, The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness

“People need each other. Our well-being is tightly tethered to the well-being of people we do not know, most of whom look nothing like ourselves. Happiness, I realized right there in breathing class, requires engagement.”
― Paula Poundstone, The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness

“I fall short of her standards. She made me buy cat food that hasn't been tested on animals. My cats took one bite of it, spit it out, and yelled, "Did no one test this?”
― Paula Poundstone, The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness

“Isn’t that weird? It’s the same with exercise, good nutrition, and a healthful sleep schedule. I think most people know that these are the low-hanging fruits of good mental and physical health. They grease the chute from which happiness may slide.”
― Paula Poundstone, The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness

“Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.”
― Paula Poundstone