Grant Naylor > Quotes

“Your explanation for anything slightly odd is aliens,' said Lister. 'You lose your keys, it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall, it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens.”
― Grant Naylor, Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

“It wasn't a beautiful face. But it was a nice face. It wasn't a face that could launch a thousand ships. Maybe two ships and a small yacht.”
― Grant Naylor

“Lister patted the towel rail against his left palm. 'I'm going out like I came in - screaming and kicking.'
'You can't whack Death on the head.'
'If he comes near me, I'll rip his tits off.”
― Grant Naylor, Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

“It wasn't a beautiful face. But it was a nice face. It wasn't a face that could launch a thousand ships. Maybe two ships and a small yacht. That was, until she smiled. When she smiled, her eyes lit up like a pinball machine when you win a bonus game. And she smiled a lot.”
― Grant Naylor, Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

“Just a pot noodle. Oh - and I found a tin of dog food on the tool shelf.'
Misery hissed through Lister's gritted teeth. 'Well,' he said finally. 'Pretty obvious what gets eaten last. I can't stand pot noodles.”
― Grant Naylor, Better than Life

“Twelve!!! Twelve years old!!? When you lost your virginity, you were twelve???'
'Yeah.'
'Twelve??' Rimmer stared into the fire. 'Well, you can't have been a full member of the golf club, then.”
― Grant Naylor, Better than Life

“Why d'you say "Mayday"? It's just a bank holiday. Why not "Shrove Tuesday" or "Ascension Sunday"? He turned back to the communicator. 'Ascension Sunday... Ascension Sunday.' He thought for a while and then tried: 'The fourteenth Wednesday after Pentecost... The fourteenth Wednesday after Pentecost...”
― Grant Naylor, Better than Life

“Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast." Ace Rimmer”
― grant naylor

“It was a very familiar feeling for Rimmer - the horrible slow dawning, the internal denials, the frantic mental search for someone else to blame, the gradual acceptance that, once again, he'd done something so unspeakably asinine it would live with him for the rest of his days, lurking in the horror pit of his mind along with nine or ten other monstrous ineptitudes that screamed and railed there, never allowing him to forget them.”
― Grant Naylor, Better than Life

“What was the point of being selfless and brave if no one knew about it?”
― Grant Naylor, Better than Life

“However, not all breeds of genetic athletes were accepted by the GAS and new rules had to be created after the 2224 World Cup, when Scotland fielded a goalkeeper who was a human oblong of flesh, measuring eight feet high by sixteen across, thereby filling the entire goal. Somehow they still failed to qualify for the second round.”
― Grant Naylor, Red Dwarf Omnibus: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers & Better Than Life

“He slipped the gold fob-watch out of his waistcoat, flicked open the cover and stared at the dial. The Cat had replaced the conventional numbers with a series of symbols, which stood for 'food', 'sex', 'snooze', 'light snooze', 'heavy snooze', 'major sleep', 'self-adoration hour', 'preening' and 'bathtime'. Right now, it was twenty past sex, or, to put it another way, quarter to food.”
― Grant Naylor, Better than Life

“What d'you expect for $£19.99 plus tax? Conversation, quantum theory AND good toast?”
― Grant Naylor, Better than Life

“The best part of having bad news was being able to tell as many people as possible.”
― Grant Naylor, Better than Life

“He turned on the wipers, and used his window wash. When the windscreen cleared, the ears had gone, and so had the pimps.”
― Grant Naylor, Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers