Nick Spalding > Quotes

“I was consumed by some kind of unholy, indignant rage that propelled me through the confrontation to its successful conclusion - and out the other side into the cool, calm lagoon of reflective dread known as the ‘what the fuck have I just done?’ feeling.”
― Nick Spalding, Love... From Both Sides

“No relationship is ever perfect, but when you truly love each other ... it doesn't have to be.”
― Nick Spalding, Love... From Both Sides

“It’s Pat The Cow, she’s Pat The Cow, If you’re in trouble, she’ll come right now. She catches thieves, she catches thugs, She’ll tell your dad if you grow drugs.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“I am British, however, so I do the only thing I possibly can at a moment such as this. I go home and put the kettle on.”
― Nick Spalding, Checking Out

“I have no idea why this is. I’m sure somebody with a beard and too much time on their hands would say it has something to do with sex - but they’ll say that about anything.”
― Nick Spalding, Love... From Both Sides

“I am not my mother, I am not my mother, I repeat silently to myself. Of course, the minute you start saying that to yourself is the instant you have in fact become your mother,”
― Nick Spalding, Mad Love

“If someone thinks humans are weak, show them what we do for love.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“My self-delusion at this point is so rock-solid you could climb up it and plant a flag.”
― Nick Spalding, Fat Chance

“Are you a couple? Are you a FAT couple? Would you like to win £ 50,000? WE want to hear from YOU! Stream FM is looking for six overweight couples between the ages of 25 and 65 to take part in our fabulous new competition: ‘FAT CHANCE!’ Over a six-month period, we’ll find out which couple can lose the”
― Nick Spalding, Fat Chance

“The people we love die. But the people we love live too. And so should we.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“But rationality is something that really doesn’t help that much when you’re lost in grief. Thinking rationally is about as impossible when you’re grieving as breathing is underwater.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“Don’t ever let anyone convince you human beings are weak, because we can move towards pain, loss and suffering when we have to, without missing a beat.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“I'm standing on a gigantic book, floating in space...I will never need to take drugs in my entire life!”
― Nick Spalding, The Cornerstone

“We live, Alice. We live . . . because they can’t.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“Grief is indeed the price we pay for love, and I feel like it’s a price I am completely unprepared and unable to pay.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“Will I drop dead while using my contactless credit card? Will it be Kyleee who witnesses my demise through her several layers of Tesco-brand make-up? Will she ring for an ambulance in the same dull monotone she employs when interacting with her customers? ‘You gonna pay or what?’ Kyleee says in a flat voice. ‘You’ve gorra wave it a bit closer.”
― Nick Spalding, Checking Out

“Technology has a way of regimenting your existence, which only becomes truly apparent once you have to do without it. It’s almost as if all that reliance on computers starts to turn you into a bit of a computer yourself.”
― Nick Spalding, Logging Off

“I fear that Western civilisation will soon collapse in on itself, and none of us will notice it happening, because we’ll all be sitting at home watching somebody else noticing it happening.”
― Nick Spalding, Dry Hard

“The second she touched it, the blue screen of death appeared, along with that dissonant gank noise Windows makes when it decides the stress of existence has become too much and commits electronic suicide.”
― Nick Spalding, The Cornerstone

“I truly believe that if you can laugh at past mistakes or current difficulties, it can make the shadows they cast in your life just a bit smaller.”
― Nick Spalding, Life... With No Breaks

“It’s like having the entire internet shouted at me.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“Grief is the price we pay for love?”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“Why do people automatically think that because you’re carrying extra weight you don’t feel the cold? I’m not a fucking walrus. My blubber is not that beneficial when it comes to staving off cold temperatures.”
― Nick Spalding, Fat Chance

“We’re all prey to the vagaries of the world around us, and none of us know how fast things can go downhill if we’re hit with an out-of-the-blue disaster.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“How on earth can we ever expect our society to get thinner when no-one is making any effort to make the healthy food cheaper than the toxic, fatty stuff that’s creating a nation of tubby fuckers with too many fillings? The”
― Nick Spalding, Fat Chance

“One woman, a petite Oriental girl, gives me a toothy grin. ‘Hello to you! I’m Lolly! This first time?’ she says in that clipped efficient manner Asians have when English isn’t their first language. ‘Yes,’ I reply. ‘Ah . . . good! Good!’ she turns to a white guy in his fifties standing next to her. ‘They like us two week ago Brian!’ ‘Looks like it,’ Brian replies. The dynamic between the two of them is fairly obvious. I have to wonder whether he paid for her up-front or on inspection of the goods at the airport. ‘Why”
― Nick Spalding, Love... And Sleepless Nights

“The barriers we think are a foot thick are sometimes paper-thin to the people who know us.”
― Nick Spalding, Grave Talk

“You might discuss important philosophical topics, such as the nature of existence- or what a bunch of lying toe rags politicians are.”
― Nick Spalding, The Cornerstone

“Some things just aren’t meant to be examined and fretted over until they make sense. Some things are just meant to happen. Some things are just meant to be.”
― Nick Spalding, Dumped, Actually

“As I was saying, Hamish and Jonathan have recently split up, and I think the wounds are still fresh, so that’s why Hamish was the way he was tonight.’ She gives me an imploring look. ‘He’s a lovely man usually, Mr James. Honestly.”
― Nick Spalding, Checking Out