Simon Archer > Quotes

“Now that I was suited up from head-to-toe in a skintight black and red bodysuit that, admittedly, made me look damn good, I couldn’t help but be nervous.”
― Simon Archer, Forger of Worlds

“Another child, one with a mouse-like face and a mop of dirty blond hair, raised his hand but didn’t wait for me to call on him. “Do you make guns?” “No,” I said, drawing out the word. “I make things like swords, knives, and axes.” “Why don’t you make guns?” the dirty-blond-haired child asked. “I can make guns,” I corrected, my exaggerated smile faltering. “So why don’t you?” Sam piped up. “I think what Sam means,” the teacher interrupted, “is why do we need blacksmiths still in today’s society?” “No,” Sam said sharply. He stuck his hands in his pockets, looking cocky and self-assured. “That’s not what I mean. I want to know why he doesn’t make guns.” “Because they are lazy and inelegant weapons,” I answered honestly. “Also, they’re a bitch to construct.” The students gasped in unison at my word choice. I didn’t mean to use that particular cuss word. It just sort of slipped out. I plastered on my fake smile. “I’m sorry about that,” I said, making my voice all fluffy and light. I pulled out the tool I had been working on before the class arrived. “Who wants to make a hotdog poker?”
― Simon Archer, Forge of the Gods

“I think that’s just the mysterious aura around here,” Eric said, brushing off my gut feeling. “It has that vibe, like in video games. You know that the ice levels are always the coolest.” I stared at him, at first because he called my gut a liar, but then… “Hehe, ‘coolest,’” I snorted, and Eric cackled. “Stoooop!”
― Simon Archer, On Thin Ice

“Is it me that you’re laughing at?” he eyed me curiously with an arched brow. “Yep,” I confessed, “but it’s not a bad thing, promise.” Ffamran snorted himself and ran a talon through his long white hair. “Though I don’t mind being a pawn for your amusement in this situation, I fail to see how I have done anything humorous.” “It’s the hair.” I continued to chuckle at his indignity. “It’s just so voluminous for a dragon.” “My hair is a symbol of my noble birth.” Ffamran flipped his hair indignantly. “If anything, it should inspire awe and fear, not laughter.” “Honestly, it isn’t just the hair,” I said through a fit of laughter. “It’s your whole dancing sway thing.” I did a little wiggle myself and wound up falling onto my ass as Ffamran began to laugh with me. The sound emanated from his throat and shook the floor beneath my feet like a subwoofer turned up to a thousand percent. “I do not look anything like that,” he said once he’d caught his breath. “I’m much more graceful.” Then he did another little shimmy and followed it up with a truly devastating hair whip. “You could definitely learn a thing or two from me.” “It is a pretty good hair whip!” I conceded, still laughing. “It is truly magnificent,” he replied as he did it again. I couldn’t help myself. Laughter exploded from me as the dragon wiggled and danced while punctuating every movement with an epic hair flip.”
― Simon Archer, Dragon Collector

“Matt caught me hard with a side punch, and he reeled in surprise just as much as I did. I blinked through the pain and looked back at him with a dumb expression. “The hell is your problem, Nick?” he growled. “Get your head in the game.” From the sidelines, I heard Eric howl for joy. He had a fist to his mouth, his ‘microphone’ as he pretended to be an announcer in a wrestling match. “And Nickie Boy takes a claw to the face by The Beast! How will he recover, folks? This. Is. Insaaaaaane!” To play along with the gag, I flopped down on the floor and pressed my hand to my heart. “I may actually be dead,” I said dryly, my voice a complete monotone. “Oh, look. I’m dying. Oh, no.”
― Simon Archer, Arch Rivals

“Welcome to college.” I gestured with a sigh. “It’s like high school, but deadlier.”
― Simon Archer, Super Hero Academy

“I’ll have the big one.” I pointed to the giant funnel cake painted on the front of the stand. It was the size of six funnel cakes, had three flavors, red velvet, standard, and churro, and was absolutely drenched in whipped cream, strawberries, and powdered sugar. “Are you getting it for the challenge?” the lady asked as she looked at me dubiously. “There’s a challenge?” I asked because I’d meant to bring it back so we could all share it, but before she could even respond, Eric piped up. “Yeah. if you can eat the whole thing in thirty minutes, it’s free!” He grinned at me. “You can totally do it, Nick.” “I also think you can do it, Starlight,” Aylin added and when I looked at her, I suddenly very much wanted to do it. “Okay, sure!” I smirked. “One challenge.” I smacked my belly. “Nothing like six thousand calories of sugar to rev you up.” “Damn straight!” Eric said with a bounce. “Man, this is gonna be so cool. I watched someone try earlier, and he barfed all over the floor before he was a quarter full.”
― Simon Archer, Arch Rivals

“My heart squeezed, and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, but the good kind. Was there a good kind of heart attack? No? Oh well.”
― Simon Archer, On Thin Ice

“Kari?” Hailey said like she was surprised to see her. Or better yet, surprised to see her in such a state. She stopped a couple of feet ahead of us, looking like she was still in motion. “There’s a fire at the forge.” It took my brain longer than it should have to figure out what she was saying because my mind replied with, “There’s always a fire in the forge.”
― Simon Archer, Forge of the Gods

“I could have been much less kind, trust me,” The dragon waved off my outburst. “Perhaps if you can give me a reason as to why I should bond with you…?” Despite my insistence, I couldn’t think of any reason at all why the dragon should accept my bond now that I was put on the spot. My hands clenched into fists, determined to sway him, however. “Because I am worthy of it!” I snapped, defending my pride and honor. The dragon rolled its eyes once more and looked me up and down as though I were on display to be judged. “Care to demonstrate, Martin?” I puffed out my chest and slammed my fist against it like Tarzan would. “I’m ready for whatever you’ve got.” The still-unnamed dragon seemed rather unimpressed with my declaration. He opened his mouth to offer some sort of witty comeback but closed it again. His forked tongue slithered over his teeth as he mulled over my challenge. And then we began the fastest lightning round of twenty questions I’d ever experienced. “Do you have any experience in fighting?” “I took tae kwon do after class in college for a semester and a half.” “How many languages are you fluent in?” “I can say ‘I only speak English’ in seven languages, not including English.” “At what level would you rate your intelligence?” “Well, I’m not stupid.” The dragon snorted, though whether it was in amusement or disbelief, I wasn’t clear. He continued all the same. “Any healing abilities?” “I can give mouth to mouth.” “Are you able to be stealthy? Deceptive?” “I trip over my own shadow and couldn’t lie to a rock.” “Your honesty might just be your redeeming quality, Martin,” the dragon joked.”
― Simon Archer, Dragon Collector

“Rhe”
― Simon Archer, Fanservice

“Gemma isn’t happy with my fish tanks,” Kara explained. “She thinks that they’re taking up too much living space, but she was going to let it go, but I’ve kinda had my eye on this puffer at the pet store, and there’s another tank on sale…” She gestured helplessly. “I want my puffer.” “You could always just keep the tanks you already have,” Eric pointed out. “They’re already full of life. Why do you need another?” “Never be satisfied with the mundane,” Kara huffed. “I get what I want, okay? Andie said I could have one, and I want one.” Andie laughed and nodded gently. “It’s true, I said you could have whatever you wanted. You’re cute when you’re being spoiled.” “And I want a puffer!” Kara blushed at the cute comment, but then she was stomping her foot like a child. I laughed at that and then grinned at her. “If you want a puffer, you can have a puffer. I can talk to Gemma. I know there are some larger dorms on campus, and I do have a pretty nice pile of savings if the added expense is an issue.”
― Simon Archer, Arch Rivals

“Still, there is that one story where he single-handedly cured an entire town with the power of his fists.” The farmer shrugged. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
― Simon Archer, Dragon Collector

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the Leviathan!” He announced. There were several beats of silence where absolutely nothing happened. I looked from him to Gemma, then to Eric and Aylin, who shared the same puzzled expression that I wore on my own features. We continued to watch Bastion as he looked expectantly over his right shoulder, then chuckle nervously. He cleared his throat. “I said, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the Leviathan!” When again nothing happened, he turned around, stomped his booted feet on the dock, and shook his fists angrily. “What the hell! Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
― Simon Archer, On Thin Ice

“Andie shook her head and jabbed a thumb at Eric again. “Nuh-uh. He also told Jack about the painting. I know, because Jack later ribbed me about it. Guy’s convinced I’m painting a nudie.” I smirked at that, and Andie elbowed me with a little more force. This jostled Kara who grumbled sleepily. I wrapped a protective arm around her and laughed at Andie’s indignant expression. “Oh, come on,” I said as I stifled another chuckle. “There’s no way you haven’t considered it yet.” “Well... yeah, but that was for later,” Andie hissed out. “And I didn’t want Jack of all freaking people thinking about it. You know he’s gonna tell Brad, who’s gonna tell Matt, who’s gonna tell his sister, and then the entire girl’s dorm is gonna know. And they’ll demand to see it!” The idea of an entire girl’s dorm lining up to get a peek at my naked body made me chuckle again. It was ridiculous. No way that’d happen. “Well, charge them a pretty penny for it,” I told her as I wrapped an arm around Andie as well. She pretended to grumble at the attention, but I caught a tiny little smile at the corner of her lips. “I don’t whore myself out for anything less than two hundred, Andie. I’ve got standards.”
― Simon Archer, Super Hero Academy

“She’s an ol’ girl, but she’ll get the job done,” Bastion replied proudly, then bowed to Aylin. “Terribly sorry, Miss. I didn’t catch your name.” “I did not throw it,” Aylin answered”
― Simon Archer, On Thin Ice

“I would stick the metal in the forge and then pull it out, and the whole thing would be bright green for no reason. Or a pink, like Kirby the Nintendo character pink. Or an aquamarine that shimmered like something sprinkled glitter all over it.”
― Simon Archer, Forge of the Gods

“Hey,” Matt greeted me with a smile in his eyes. “Hey, yourself,” I replied. “I’d offer you some punch, but it tastes like spicy watermelon.” Matt scrunched his nose and made a face. “Sounds awful.” “It was,” I agreed, “and now my intestines are at risk of igniting, probably.”
― Simon Archer, On Thin Ice

“a solid wall of muscle and might all mixed together with thoughtfulness and late-night taco runs.”
― Simon Archer, On Thin Ice

“Do we get the night off?” I asked as I looked around, but the captain was nowhere to be found. It was a moonless night, and the courtyard was much darker than usual. Ffamran had lit a few torches, something Rebekah normally did. I could tell because the flame carried the ethereal spark of Ffamran’s dragonfire rather than the normal hue of, well, flame. “That would certainly be nice. I have many important things to do,” Ffamran said as he lowered himself onto his stomach before crossing his front legs and resting his head on them. Then he closed his eyes. “What are you doing?” I asked the dragon. “Napping.” He opened one eye and looked at me. “Isn’t that obvious?”
― Simon Archer, Dragon Collector

“I’m Karen, daughter of Hermes,” Karen recited proudly. She took another bite of the roll as if to rub it in. “Oh, and did he trick your mother into sleeping with him, or was it consensual?” I shot back, happy to have found a way to return the insult. Karen looked as though I slapped her in the face. To make matters worse, this section of the cafeteria fell silent, a natural lull in the conversation. I could feel dozens and dozens of eyes on me, but I kept my eyes on Karen, waiting for her response. Hermes was a God known for being a liar and mischief-maker. The insult shot true, and I would not back down. “My mother was one of Hermes’s most beautiful lovers,” Karen said as she leaned in, speaking sharp and low. “She was his favorite.” “Really?” I scoffed. “His most beautiful, huh? That’s quite an insult to Aphrodite, who he managed to woo and make love to. Because if your mother really was more beautiful than Aphrodite, I would get one of those 23 and Me kits and get your DNA checked.”
― Simon Archer, Forge of the Gods

“Your laugh is like a ray of sunshine,” Andie cooed to her. “I’ll find a way to make sure you laugh forever.” “That’d be terrible!” Kara shook her head, though she snickered just a little more at the notion. “Being happy forever?” Andie released her arm around Kara to lay her head on her forehead and toss her head back like a fainting Victorian maiden. “Oh, what a cruel fate!”
― Simon Archer, Super Hero Academy

“Alright, let’s see,” I said, tapping my chin with my free hand. “You’re a genius and a badass. You work well with the team, you can defend yourself pretty well, and you’re quick to act in the field. Oh, and I think your powers work well with mine. I can’t wait to see what we can do together.” She blushed and twisted in her seat, utterly embarrassed. Her cheeks were flushed. “You haven’t said anything about my body,” she pointed out. I chuckled. “Oh, well, if we’re going there, I think your red hair is absolutely fucking gorgeous. And your eyes... they could kill, given half a chance.” A hand came up to her hair. She combed the pretty red strands, pulling the long bangs out of her eyes self-consciously. “That all?” “Nah.” I grinned. “You also have a nice butt.” Finally, finally, she laughed. It was a bright burst of joy, and I felt my heart warm a little in response. Wiping the mirth from her eyes, she shook her head and said, “Your butt seems nice too, I guess.” I scoffed at the very notion and pretended to be offended. With one hand planted on my chest, I summoned my inner drama queen. “Nice? You guess? Oh no, sister, my butt is glorious,” I said. “You could flip a coin on it.”
― Simon Archer, Super Hero Academy

“We are gathered here today,” the Stratego began sounding like he was introducing a church service rather than a meeting. “To discuss the potential threat on campus.” Potential my ass, I thought. The threat is here, and it’s real. “It has been brought to our attention that students and soldiers alike have been more… hormonally charged than normal,” the Stratego said, his voice sticking on the phrasing. One of the only amusing things about this whole situation was seeing the various officials try to come up with the language to describe what was happening. Because saying, “The students are fucking like rabbits,” clearly wasn’t appropriate.”
― Simon Archer, Forge of the Gods 2

“Eric…” I almost couldn’t believe it. “Are you dating?” “Our little boy is growing up.” Andie grinned. “I’m so proud of him!” “I’m not that young,” Eric insisted with a roll of his eyes. He put a hand on his hip. “I’ve dated people!” It wasn’t that we doubted him, it was just so bizarre to know there was even a smidgeon of romantic energy in his whole body. He’d seemed so oblivious before. Maybe he was growing up. “Well, whoever you end up with, they better treat you well,” I warned. “I’m not afraid to play the overprotective, overbearing brother.” Matt made a noise of affirmation, and I couldn’t help a laugh. “Him too,” I added.”
― Simon Archer, Arch Rivals

“Knock-knock,” I huffed as I tried to ignore the feeling of my insides bursting into a million butterflies. “Who’s there?” It was Kara who answered after clearing her throat. The blush had dimmed somewhat, but she kept darting glances my way like she couldn’t take her eyes off me. That was new as well. Nice. But new. “Howl,” I said. Andie snorted. “Howl who?” She must be great at puns because her tone suggested she knew exactly where the joke was going. “Howl will you know unless you open the door?”
― Simon Archer, Super Hero Academy

“I tore into the funnel cake with reckless abandon. I speared a large strawberry with my fork, rubbed it in some cream, and swallowed it in a single bite. It took me another size bites before I hit cake number one. It was red velvet, and the taste of it nearly sent me to Heaven. “Holy shit,” Eric said as he watched me devour the first cake in a couple bites. “It’s only been thirty seconds.” “My Starlight is truly amazing,” Aylin said with a quick glance at him. Then it started to get hard because I realized that there was a layer of Bavarian cream between the first red velvet cake and the next one. I hastily dug into it, and I realized I had a problem. “Eric,” I said around a mouthful of red velvet. “I need a second fork. It’s time to dual-wield this bitch.”
― Simon Archer, Arch Rivals

“Yes.” Ffamran laughed again. “You may not believe it, Martin, but I feel invigorated in a way I can’t explain.” “Apparently, the light comes with a Red Bull chaser,” I joked, but Ffamran didn’t respond to me.”
― Simon Archer, Dragon Collector

“say/”
― Simon Archer, Ultimate Mage

“With that, he stepped into a shadow and out of the room. As he left, Eric turned to me and simply whispered, “Vaaaaaaampire.”
― Simon Archer, Arch Rivals