Pearl Fichman > Quotes

“I am afraid. I am oppressed by the darkness of every sultry night. It is so quiet and I am smothered by the heavy splendor of the silence. Why? Why are you not here? I have trifled, I know - forgive. I trifled with my luck - it broke asunder - forgive. It is so painful being alone. We will laugh us into new happiness, believe me and return, there is so much laughter yet. Look at me. Is my image still in your far-off glance? I want you as the grape wants, when ripe, to be plucked. My hair is waiting. My mouth wants you to play with it again. See, my hands beg you to envelop them in yours. They long for your hair and they long for your skin Just like a child yearns for the dream that she only sighted once. Look, it is spring. Yet it is blind, it weeps for evermore As long as we are not together, and weeps as long as the wind weeps when its dearest forest has withered. See, everything waits for us: all the lanes, all the benches All the flowers are just waiting to be plucked by me and offered to you.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“since I really had no knowledge of American literature. Here and there, I had read a book by Upton Sinclair or Jack London or Sinclair Lewis. Here I was among all top American students, the only foreigner. I had to catch up so much, that by the time the written exam approached, I read a book daily. I completed the master's in three semesters, from February 1948 to June 1949. During the summer months of 1949, I wrote the thesis, which was accepted in October of that year. Imagine, in such a short time to read all of Henry James, Willa Cather, all of Thomas Wolfe, Hemingway, Steinbeck and more and more. Of course, lots of poetry: T.S. Eliot, Walt Whitman, Robert Frost and many more. Well, once I started, I just went ahead non-stop.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“In the poem Chestnuts, she muses about nature and the melancholy passing of summer, the end of the life cycle: On the smooth, bright path scattered and weary they lie around, brown and smiling, like a soft mouth; full and shiny, dearly charming; I hear them like a bubbling piano sound. As I pick one up and put it in my hand, softly caressing it like a small infant, I think of the tree and of the wind which sang softly through the leaves, alone. and that the chestnuts must have taken this soft song as the summer, which left unnoticed, sped along, and as its last farewell has left his tone.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The commissar looked around, saw the knapsacks, looked at the books, saw German, French, English and Romanian books. At his request, I explained that I had been a student of languages and literature. After looking around everywhere, he asked Father to come to the chief police station, at five o'clock. I told him that I would come along, since Father didn't know Romanian. He gave us a summons to appear that day. We were greatly alarmed as it was during the deportations. Although we were terribly scared, yet my optimistic side thought that nothing could happen, since we really had no radio. My optimism was a kind of defense, a negation of the evil that loomed all around. On the way to the Siguran ta, it was a very long walk, Father was saying his prayer. I took again the Waterman fountain pen, in case of need, as a small bribe.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“While all the turmoil of love and desire was filling her own world, the large world around her was in just as much turmoil. The political events were tearing the world apart and were tearing the remaining Jewish population into shreds. Thus, in June 1942, Selma and her parents and thousands more were cruelly chased to their doom, the last bloodletting from among the small number that had remained in Czernovitz. In that last transport were also her relatives, Paul Celan's parents. Nobody knew exactly where they were taken or what their fate would be. Needless to say, the expectations were dismal, yet the reality turned out worse than ever imaginable.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The winter of 1942-43 was the coldest winter of the war. The Germans will never forget that winter either. The defense and siege of Stalingrad and Leningrad are highly documented historic chapters of the war. The fierce winds and diabolically low temperatures plagued all of Eastern Europe. That was the winter of our deepest despair. The people in Transnistria died by the thousands, be it of starvation or frost or sickness. Once in a while Romanian soldiers or civilians came from there and brought news from the desperate Jews. Some Romanians would accept, for remuneration, to bring some clothes, or money or food from relatives in Czernovitz. Some had no relatives left in town. In some villages, they could not find anybody who would take a message to relatives. They succumbed to typhoid fever by the thousands.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“University, organized on the Soviet system, was just like high school: daily classes from 9-2 p.m., daily written assignments; attendance strictly kept, no choice of courses beside the major. We studied Ukrainian, Russian grammar as well as literature. It sounds ridiculous, but we learned spelling in one lesson and had to read Pushkin, in the original text, next period. The same was repeated with Ukrainian spelling, grammar and also the reading of poetry by Taras Shevchenko. That was similar to learning the verbs to be or to have and read also Shakespeare. (Actually, that was how I learned English in 1938.) The subjects that were most important: History of the Party and Dialectic Materialism. That had to be learned the way they explained it and no questions should be asked; no doubts were permitted.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Thus, on June 27, 1940, we became overnight Soviet subjects, with all that it implied. It implied plenty. Unexpectedly, overnight, we realized that we were in a different country, with a new regime, a new language - a change that was supposed to mean a new stability. After all, the Soviet Union is a world power and we will be part of an egalitarian society. After all, instead of getting into the clutches of a fiendish, fascist regime, we had escaped the antisemitism of Romania and our life as Jews would be the equal to anybody else's, so we thought. Many Romanians fled overnight as did many wealthy Jews. On Friday, June 27, at about noon time, the first Russian troops arrived.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Besides, Prague is famous for its many churches with gold-leaf covered domes. In the sunshine, Prague is golden. I fell in love for ever. At the end of the five day stay, the entire group boarded a train for Paris. Although my parents knew the time of my arrival, they could not travel on the”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“My aunts were elegant American women, dressed in silk and fur, with diamond rings and charm bracelets and other bracelets as heavy as chains. Their moving hands were jangling, they were playing a symphony in gold. The style of these people was so different from mine. They were as strange to me as I must have looked to them. That fall of 1947, women's fashions had changed entirely. While I left Bucharest, went through Europe for a month, a new `look' was launched in Paris by Christian Dior. Skirts were long, coats big and long, a sloppy style, a `new look', the Dior style.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“In 1942, a Romanian family, who had taken over an apartment from a deported family, on the fourth floor, demanded to swap flats with us. We could not object, we could have been sent to Transnistria, on their say so. We moved up to the fourth floor and had to climb 100 stairs. Later on, when there was no water, we carried pails of water from about ten blocks away and up the 100 steps. Life was an unending string of hardships. Yet we were glad that we could still remain in the same house and sleep in our own beds.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“We rented a furnished room in the center of town, in an old house. The landlady had furniture that she had brought from Russia before the Revolution (1917); she boasted about the fact that she had studied medicine in Switzerland and had met Lenin and Weitzman, who were temporarily living there, too. Looking at antiques is one thing, but using 30 to 40 year old, rickety furniture was a different story. Soon, I found people who wanted to take English lessons and that tided us over the first few months. In June, when Yuda graduated, he started working and I found a position in an evening language school.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The commissar, Mr. Andreescu arrived after five (they enjoyed a siesta from 2-5 p.m.), called us into his office and told me that he would write a declaration, which Father should sign. I told him that, in case he would write that we have a radio, he won't sign. The commissar told me to let him write it and if I don't agree, then I should write another one. It sounded good. He typed a statement and handed it to me. In it Father declared that he had never had a radio. When I told him that we had had one, but the Russians had confiscated it, he retorted: It is better to say that you never had one.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“By that time he was already an old hand at travel in Paris; four months of residence made him an oldtimer. Well, he said that he loved the city, he regretted to have come so late in life. The reunion was very emotional; Father's appearance was changed. He looked drawn, pale; his voice weak, his eyes lustreless. Yet, my parents hoped that a resolution of their hardships was in sight. They wanted to show me off to Dr. Falk and his wife, two wonderful, helpful people. Next day I went to visit Dorzia in the Rothschild hospital.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The panicky Romanians left and German troops filled the town. They suddenly descended like locusts: masses of gray uniformed men, endless trucks, tanks, cars. We were petrified by what was going to happen. We had made sure to prepare bread, candles, gasoline for the petrol lamps, some food and wait for the convulsion. Again, like almost three yeas before, one power would leave, another take over. Nobody could foresee whether the Germans would hold the line, whether the Russians would bomb, whether an artillery battle would take place - everything was fate. The Germans gathered to reorganize their units, on the flight Westward, after crossing the river Dniester. They did not resist along the river Prut, but fled. We were again in no-man's-land for a day or two, until the Russians returned.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“My parents did the best they could to cure me of my ills and they never complained, never expressed any anger or pity or resentment toward me. I, on the other hand, being sick so often, didn't complain because I felt that I was one of the causes of my parents' many anxieties. We had a "live and let live" attitude in our little family circle. Everybody did the best he or she could, the rest was fate. I can now understand why I rarely saw my Mother laugh. There were few reasons for merriment. She worked very hard and worried, too, yet she never spoke about it, at least, not to me. She stoically bore a heavy burden. The older children had left home and settled in America.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“It sounds so dreary and oppressive and yet, young people found ways to enjoy life somehow. The pleasures were simple, yet genuine. Friendships were very close and deep. One sat next to one's best friend and the seats behind and in front, one tried to be among one's close friends. We used to study together, do homework together, if one lived in the same neighborhood. We lent books to one another, came to visit on free afternoons, knew each other's family closely.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The war had ended finally; I lived alone for over a year, for the first time; I met a lot of new people in this new environment; I worked harder than ever before or after; I finished the studies at the university at an enormous effort; made a living; made all the preparations for emigration. The anxieties because of the political change-over to Communism - the second time in my life - galloping inflation and Mother's sickness and two operations and finally the departure of the parents and three months later my own departure to Paris. My desperately sick Father was waiting, hoping for me to finally make their passage possible.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The beginning of December, less than half a year from the start of the Russo- German war, the Germans were deep inside Russia. Thousands of prisoners of war, entire regiments, armies were encircled. Some regiments openly surrendered to the fascists, in the vain hope that their lives would be spared. However, the Germans despised the Slavs to such an extent that even when they deserted, professing their hate for communism, it did not endear them to the conquerors. Prisoners of war were mistreated, thousands killed, their golden teeth pulled out, their uniforms and boots stripped and their bodies left to rot in the fields.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Our Wedding - January 18, 1950          Since we decided to get married, we had to take a few practical steps in that direction. First, we rented a furnished room in the center of town, close to the Technion, where Yuda was in his last year of studies, six months to graduation. Yuda approached the chief rabbi of Haifa, Rav Kaniel, to marry us. They decided on the date, a week from their meeting.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“One lived day by day, every day a challenge for survival, as each day was one day nearer to the end of the war. We, the Jews, took it for granted that Hitler would be defeated, that the evil of Nazism and Fascism would be eradicated but whether we would live to see it was problematic. So we tried one day at a time. Property became unimportant, clothes became only important if it could be sold or exchanged for food. The values changed radically. Every day was one day less to the end of the war. It took four long years to that hoped for day, and six million of our own never made it.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“We were stunned at his confessions and said so. He averred that he could only unburden his heart because next day he would not be there and we would not either. How fortunate a group of people we were, he stated again. Imagine, none of us had a home, none of us had more than our bare lives, yet he deemed us so lucky, so fortunate, so privileged. Only if one has lived under Stalin's regime and tasted that bitterness and constant fear can one understand that homeless and penniless was preferable to life in the U.S.S.R.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Mrs. Roosevelt talked about the difficulties of formulating the Bill of Rights for the United Nations, where she was head of that committee. When she addressed the International Student Conference, we were all full of expectation. Her voice was shrill, high-pitched and not too pleasant at first. Within a few minutes, you were enthralled by her warmth, her humanity, her genuine concern for the people of this world. We had a most enjoyable evening, with food and drink and a chance to meet her as well as all the professors from Bard College.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“My Mother's brothers, Max and Morris Stadler, treated me with love and admiration. They loved me also for the fact that I seemed to have saved their only sister, to whom they were very devoted, as long as they lived. Max was going to pay my tuition, Morris offered to furnish the house, that Eli bought under the G.I. bill. They were as good as their word and more. They were proud of this girl who came straight from the boat to the Graduate School for a master's degree at Columbia University, where it used to be almost impossible for Jewish students to be admitted.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Somehow, the captain, who was the head of the Consiliu de Partonaj, where I was working, found out that I was a foreign language student. One day, when I was called to the main office, to see the captain - my scare knew no bounds. Once there, he asked me to teach him English. As much as I advised him that German would be more helpful, he insisted on English. I taught him just a few times and then, they began to evacuate the enterprise and he was busy with his own problems.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Once, when I was looking for a room, I came to a widow, who refused to rent her vacant room to me because I was Ashkenazy. That was my first encounter with a Sepharady person, a Jew of Spanish background. I suffered plenty of discrimination, but from the part of non-Jews; but to be told by a Jewish woman that she does not accept in her house a person of my background, an Ashkenazy, shocked me. I later found out that many of them considered themselves superior to our brand of Judaism\footnotemark”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“In it he wrote on Wednesday, December 16, 1942: "Toward evening, Selma breathed her last." On December 17, 1942, he wrote: "Professor Doctor Gottlieb died of malnutrition. He and Selma were buried at the same time." As an explanation, he added that: "her real name was Meerbaum; the name Eisinger is that of her stepfather, I learned. She died of typhus, in her teens." On that page, he drew a picture of her body, wrapped in a shroud and mourned by people around. The original of that drawing is kept in Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem. It is entitled: "Pieta." Mr. Daghani wrote that her parents died soon after of typhus, too.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Since we came soon after the end of the war, there were many people, who wanted to hear from an actual survivor, what had happened in the Bukovina. Bernie was approached by Mr. Eisenberg from the Bukoviner Society whether I would be willing to talk to some "Landsleute" about what had happened during the war years, in their old home. I agreed. A few days after my arrival, he came to pick me up, accompanied by Bernie. We went to Manhattan Center, a hotel in New York City. I did not realize that a meeting of the Bukoviner Society had been called and hundreds of people showed up.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Some of the professors were great scholars, but dry as bone. I had no personal contact with any of them, except for the woman teacher, who led our seminar and was my thesis adviser. Since I had no exams, the contact with the teachers was non-existent. All were lecture classes, with great numbers of students - candidates for masters and ph.d. degrees. The seminar group had some cohesion, as we were all preparing for the same final exam and also presented topics for class discussion. Of the dozen participants in the seminar, about half were Jewish. After the Second World War, all those returned from the service were entitled to free education, under a new G.I. bill of rights. The soldiers of yesterday became the students of most colleges and universities, including the Ivy League schools. That law opened widely the doors of academic institutions to students of all social and religious backgrounds.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“the fall of 1944. I went back to the university; I received the scholarship, to which I was entitled for earning top grades and I tutored some Russian students in English. However, life was joyless, food was scarce and whatever was available was intolerable. By the end of September, after Rosh Hashannah, Father got sick with pneumonia. Since he suffered all his life with asthma, pneumonia was a dangerous disease. Penicillin was a new drug in the West, unavailable in the Soviet Union. There was sulfa but only for people with special privileges like party members or military personnel. We were neither.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade