Christopher Healy > Quotes

“When facing unbeatable odds, just think of yourself as unbeatably odd. (The Hero's Guide to Being a Hero)”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“I'm Liam of Erinthia. I'm here to rescue you ... And You are not Cinderella. You are a tree branch wrapped in a sheet”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“No, Princes Charming," Duncan cheerfully corrected. "'Prince' is the noun; that's what gets pluralized. 'Charming' is an adjective; you can't add an S to it like that.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Duncan, what are you?"
"Human!" Duncan cried, trembling with excitement.
"More specific," Liam said, still dramatically.
"A five-foot-two human!"
"I'm going for hero here," Liam hinted under his breath.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Mere words cannot defeat a true hero. Unless they happen to be the words to some sort of Instant Death Spell. Magic is scary.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“No one is defined by a single act," Frederic said. "Whether it was years ago or weeks ago. We're all given chances to change, to make up for things we've done wrong. It's how we handle those opportunities that really matters.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“Can you believe the man rhymed 'Rumplestiltskin' with 'crumpled napkins'?”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Duncan,we're still in prison," Frederic said dryly. "You're not going to see anything except this cell. Which has spiders, by the way. Have you noticed the spiders?" "Indeed I have: Carmen, Zippy, and Dr. T," Duncan said.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Listen up, Mount High-Hair," Gustav barked. "Say what you want about me, but lay off the rest of the team. I've been through a lot of stuff with these people. Nobody can tell me that Fancy Dancer and Lady Slick-Pants aren't heroes. Captain Gloom-Cape over there, too. And even Shrimp Charming has his moments."

Briar leaned back in her chair. "I admire your ability to insult your friends *while* you defend them. It's a rare talent.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“Frederic had imagined this moment - him running to Ella with open arms, calling her name - but being as winded as he was, doubled over with his hands on his knees, all he could do was nod in her general direction.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Once you've been squashed by a giant, a troll doesn't even seem nearly as heavy.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“He was curious to know more about her. So he did something extremely rare. He sent her a note. Even more shocking, he suggested they meet. In person. Two people from different kingdoms - who are engaged to be married. Crazy, I know.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“On still another road, a green-haired man wobbled by on peppermint-stick stilts; a fiery-plumed bird of paradise perched on his shoulder. But he's not in this story, so don't pay any attention to him.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Get him now?" Duncan asked. He looked at the sword in his hand. Unsure of what he should do, he tossed the weapon at the giant. The sword flipped through the air a couple of times and landed softly on the grass only a few feet away.
"That was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen," said Gustav.
Duncan stepped forward to retrieve his sword, tripped over his belt, hit his head on a rock, and knocked himself out cold.
"I spoke to soon," said Gustav. "That was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Someone's having a pity party and didn't invite the rest of us.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Look,” Liam said, “sometimes being a hero isn’t about getting the glory. It’s about doing what needs to be done.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“Wild card, got it," Duncan said. "Just like in Crazy Eights. I can be a diamond; I can be a spade. Whatever you need me to be, I'm that thing. That is so me.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“The people need a hero. But all they've got is . . . me.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“Please tell me he's not skipping.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“When writing down a plan, I suggest numbering the steps. But just in case your plan falls into enemy hands, make sure you number them in the wrong order." - The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“Sometimes a hero can be found in the most unexpected of places. That's when you must say to him, "Get out of my kitchen, silly! Don't you have some monsters to fight?" - The Hero's Guide to Being a Hero”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“Ha! Good luck, lady!" Gustav laughed and tapped his thick index finger against his temple. "No one knows what goes on inside this head. Not even me.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“It is the villains who covet treasure, not the heroes. Unless the treasure in question is a really snazzy belt buckle, in which case, who can resist? —THE HERO’S GUIDE TO BEING A HERO”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“You’re never too young to start being a hero. Practice dueling one-handed so you never need to drop your blankie. —THE HERO’S GUIDE TO BEING A HERO”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

“You're a way-getter-inner, I can tell.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

“I'll show Dunky he's not the only one in the family who can rush foolishly into danger!”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“I regret no words," Frederic said. "i love words. and the words i just spoke were the truth. you are a coward, because only a coward would rather defenestrate a helpless old man than face me in a fair fight."
"I wasn't gonna defenish-"
"Defenestrate."
"Yeah, I wasn't gonna defenestrate him," the winghaired man said. "I was gonna throw him out the window.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Accidents happen. I will, um . . . I will pay to have your house rebuilt."
"And my barn?" a woman called out.
Liam sighed. "Yes, and your barn, too."
"And my golden carousel?" shouted another man. "Will you pay for that?"
Liam raised an eyebrow. "The giant smashed your golden carousel?"
"No," said the man. "I'd just like to have a golden carousel.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Wow," a man said. "The song made you sound like an average loser, but in reality you were a horribly pathetic loser.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“I'm pretty much a goddess around here.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle