Greg Gutfeld > Quotes

“People ask me what I am politically and I've previously offered this equation: I became a conservative by being around liberals. And I became a libertarian after being around conservatives.”
― Greg Gutfeld, The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage

“A funny thing about tolerant people? They're really only tolerant when you agree with them.”
― Greg Gutfeld, The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage

“The real American ideal of cool which is building businesses, protecting freedom at home and abroad, taking responsibility for your actions, and leaving other people alone to live as they damn well please.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“I've noticed, living in New York, how hard it is for many women to find Mr. Right. This is because when you look at most men living in big cities, none of them are Mr. Right. There are just way too many sexual options for them, so they feel no pressure to behave like actual gentlemen.
So, who gives them these options? Women, of course - who don't have the balls to limit these options and ask these boys to behave like men. So now that women are screwing men the way men want women to screw them, there are few men out there who would actually want to marry women after they've fucked them.”
― Greg Gutfeld, The Bible of Unspeakable Truths

“We are now surrounded, outmanned, and outgunned by a generation of phonies, grasping for acceptance through appearance and behavior that have no productive impact on the world.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“The definition of cool: popularity without achievement. It’s how President Obama got the youth vote. Ask any kid who voted for him,”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“I have a rule: Anything that can be done privately does not need to be performed publicly. It’s why I love the gays but I hate their parades. Actually, I hate all parades. Marching to celebrate something you’re born as seems silly. (As I write this, St. Patrick’s Day is in full bore in Midtown. It’s delightful how celebrating a heritage requires you to pick fights with strangers and then pee in a parking garage. The upside—the sea of clover-painted drunks moving in unison—might be the only green energy I’ve ever seen work.) And what’s the point of a parade anyway? A bunch of yahoos who share some affinity, walking in one direction? Who decided this was entertainment? For previous generations, this was called a migration, or more often, refugees fleeing for their lives”
― Greg Gutfeld, The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage

“It was then that I realized that while playing the well-meaning tolerant individual (in short: liberal) garnered you fans and grades, it didn't matter. In my heart and head, I was a fraud.”
― Greg Gutfeld, The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage

“The only candidate I'd allow to play my music would be Bigfoot, and unless we're talking about foraging for squirrels, he's notoriously apolitical.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“When you start replacing facts with feelings, you disturb the equilibrium between right and wrong, confusing them as one and the same while encouraging more destructive behavior. As a stigma is erased, a behavior becomes more prevalent.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“But for the rest of us, cool has a shelf life. If you’re a quarterback in high school, you’re cool. But ten years later, working as a sullen bouncer at the only nightclub in town, your “cool” is on life support. Which is why so many young girls who never said no end up with losers in pants hanging below their asses and no known income to speak of. These cads were charming in high school; now they’re as useless as shoulder pads on a snake.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“People who use their religion as a framework to kill people, simply , are not nice people. Yes, that's quite a stand I'm making, but the idea that people are systematically executed because they don't share your God is beyond barbaric. The fact that there are people in our own country who seem to tolerate that, while being intolerant of a Christian's biblical stance regarding gay marriage, makes me want to go to leave the United States and go to a more sensible place, like Texas.

There are more things I refuse to tolerate (pretentious music criticism, clove cigarettes, slow-moving ceiling fans, restaurant hostesses who pretend they own the joint, people who walk and text on a crowded sidewalk, Hostess Snowballs, people who drop subzero in their conversation when they aren't talking about the Arctic winds, people who bring their own bedroom pillows onto flights, pharmacists who yell out your prescription in front of other customers, Time Warner Cable, Sting's chest hair) but I'll get into that later.... I may not do that...though, because I refuse to tolerate lists. They're lazy. And listy.”
― Greg Gutfeld, The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage

“The beauty of progress is that it makes it easier for you to carve out a space to be nonproductive.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“Incidentally, if you really think organic means pure, then you’re in for a helluva heartbreak. Organic farms do use pesticides and, as reported by Brian Palmer in Slate, organic wine needs eighty times more fertilizer than conventional vino.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“The longer I live, the more I'm convinced the world is just one big high school, with the cool kids always targeting the uncool.”
― Greg Gutfeld, The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage

“Cool is identified only by defining others as uncool. The velvet rope excludes before it invites.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“How we got to a place where men in skinny jeans rank higher in achievement and status than men in military-issued camouflage is a mental journey beyond the limits of my simple, sodden brain.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“Embracing amnesty and open borders. Sure, other countries have borders (the ones most people are fleeing from), but discussing the possibility of an American border is smeared as racist—the”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“For a community to grow to a size that sustains those who don’t contribute to the growth of said community (whom I call leeches but society has chosen to call grad students), you need an immensely powerful creature to build a structure that allows those loafers to exist. But even a whale can only support so many parasites.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“But it’s no surprise that when someone truly awful dies, the cool break out in reverence. Which is what happened when Hugo Chávez croaked. On that day in March 2013, we saw a parade of misty-eyed celebrities and solemn left-wing hacks paying tribute to a dead guy. Out of the woodwork came a parade of Hugoslavians, tyrant-lovers who could overlook the heathen’s badness for the sake of coolness. See, someone can be truly evil. But if that person runs a country and you know that person well, it makes you kinda cool. It’s better to know Darth Vader than Doris Day. It’s pretty cool to brag that you just shared a burrito with a murderous despot, as opposed to a biscuit with Billy Graham. And so when Chávez bit the dust, who did we see? Sean Penn. Oliver Stone. Jimmy Carter. Joe Kennedy. All decorating the corpse with wreaths of blithering blather. And no one blathers blitheringly like that quartet. That’s the worst set of four since the last Who reunion.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“The cities are full of women falling for the cool loser: the man trafficking in “edgy” so women cut him slack in his more loathsome behaviors. Christ, I know so many, it’s sad. Please accept my flaws (and pay my rent) because I can play guitar! Badly.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“Hurricanes, after all, are the product of global warming, caused by man and his insatiable lust for SUVs (but not private jets).”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“Over the long term, symbolic attempts at appearing cool end up replacing honest charity that actually helps people. In most cases, social consciousness, really, is a simplistic strategy to mask a lazy intellect and fulfill a desperate need for attention.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“All that matters in the world is to believe. Never mind evidence or facts; as long as you believe, then you’re admired for your passion. And in a modern world where every greenie, leftist, or prog embraces their iPads and iPods, as well as the organic food trucked in by, um, trucks—to Whole Foods—they still “believe” that man-made stuff is bad.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“Social justice is a religion based on viewing the entire world through the filter of oppressor versus oppressed. And if you’re not on their team, that makes you the oppressor: primed for targeting and canceling. The backbone is punishment: you’ve victimized me, and now you must pay.”
― Greg Gutfeld, The Plus: Self-Help for People Who Hate Self-Help

“It’s important not just to confirm normal, commonsense assumptions, but to actually convert the uncertain. To win over those who want to be won over, and sharpen the spear of facts and puncture the flatulent balloon of sanctimonious outrage. We better find them, soon, before America turns into one giant daycare center for dipshits.”
― Greg Gutfeld, How To Be Right: The Art of Being Persuasively Correct

“The point of cool is to erase your ability to say no. Saying yes buys you cool cachet, but it always ruins your life later.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“It’s great that Mommy and Daddy did all that uncool work, so you could sit in your air-conditioned classroom and shit all over them, to the approving eye of your ponytailed professor.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“Politics is way cool, as long as it’s progressive. Conservatives by nature hate politics and politicians.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“In the world of pop stardom, what is mistaken for rebellion? A mediocre artist who spouts political beliefs that most freshmen in high school could have come up with after huffing Glade.”
― Greg Gutfeld, Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You