John H. Carroll > Quotes

“The flowers like me back.”
― John H. Carroll, Rojuun

“There were glowing pumpkins and ghost lights in the yard and cheerful looking spiders and vampire posters everywhere.  “This is just disgusting,” Abel said in disgust, landing on a happy mummy poster staked in the yard.  “Must everything be commercialized these days?  I’m surprised the vampires don’t sparkle.”
― John H. Carroll, Unholy Cow

“Runyx hated cherubs.  They were little jerks that ran around in diapers and shot things for no apparent reason.”
― John H. Carroll, Unholy Cow

“This story is for kids who think everyone on the Disney Channel is an over-actor that should be stabbed repeatedly with sporks.”
― John H. Carroll, Drippy the Peg-Legged Rainbow

“Zachary wasn’t supposed to go to the village.  For some reason, whenever a zombie appeared, villagers lit torches and brandished pitchforks.  It was a very bad habit that villagers had. ”
― John H. Carroll, Zachary Zombie and the Lost Boy

“Most importantly, she was very evil with unholy powers at her command.”
― John H. Carroll, Unholy Cow

“Anise stood at the edge of the cliff with her arms spread wide.  The breeze brushed her beautiful blonde hair against her cheeks as she cherished her dramatic pose. ”
― John H. Carroll, Zachary Zombie and the Lost Boy

“While other bunnies were dancing, thumping, and hopping all about, Emo preferred to lie in a dark corner and twitch his nose.”
― John H. Carroll, The Emo Bunny That Should

“Sometime later, he came to a small babbling brook.  It was babbling about a skunk that had made it stink for a little while and about a log that jammed upstream. ”
― John H. Carroll, Zachary Zombie and the Lost Boy

“This story is dedicated to brooms that have the misfortune to be ridden by ugly old witches.   This story is not for good children.  It promotes disobedience, sneaking off with strangers, eating lots of candy bars, lying to parents, and mentions teenagers drinking.  This story is for kids who believe "crappily ever after" is much more likely than "happily ever after".   In all seriousness:  This is not a good story for most kids, especially not young ones.  It could even give them nightmares. ”
― John H. Carroll, Unholy Cow

“A stag suddenly appeared in front of them.  It was a majestic beast with a yellow glow and its head held high.  “A human hunter killed my mother, therefore the boy must die!” it declared in righteous anger, lowering its twelve pronged antlers at Tobias. Zachary knew instantly that it was a magical deer: partially because it glowed, but mostly because it talked. ”
― John H. Carroll, Zachary Zombie and the Lost Boy

“Unholy Cow A Story for Demented Children     John H. Carroll”
― John H. Carroll, Unholy Cow

“Anise screamed a perfectly pitched scream of terror that echoed up and down the coast.  Then she turned and ran away as fast as possible. It took her a moment to remember that she had been standing at the edge of a cliff.  Anise let out a fresh scream.   ***   Zachary and Tobias looked over the edge as the screaming girl fell and went splat against a rock.  “Well, that was stupid,” Tobias observed.”
― John H. Carroll, Zachary Zombie and the Lost Boy

“That’s really gross!” Tobias stated with glee. ”
― John H. Carroll, Zachary Zombie and the Lost Boy

“Work was a part of reality, which just didn’t interest him. ”
― John H. Carroll, Blue Haired Alien Girlfriend

“This is dedicated to demented children who don’t care about Dick and Jane fetching a pail of water and would rather read about them falling down the hill.”
― John H. Carroll, The Emo Bunny That Should

“It was a little known fact that zombie saliva could heal minor zombie wounds.  It was possible it would work on non-zombie wounds as well, but no one would let a zombie close enough to lick them in order to find out. ”
― John H. Carroll, Zachary Zombie and the Lost Boy

“This story is dedicated to brains: the forgotten victims in all zombie tales.     This story is not for normal children.  If you have any intention of raising a well adjusted child, this is not the right tale for you.  This story is written for children who giggle madly while ripping the heads off of Barbie dolls.”
― John H. Carroll, Zachary Zombie and the Lost Boy