Fred Stoller > Quotes

“Why pay a dollar for a bookmark?
Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?”
― Fred Stoller

“I wasn't feeling that social, though I was painfully alone at the time. I do things like that. I'll moan to myself how isolated I am, go outside, see someone I know and then hide from them. It's not always because this person is the most annoying. Sometimes with some people I just know what the conversation is going to be and I don't have the strength to relive it in real life after experiencing it in my head.”
― Fred Stoller, My Seinfeld Year

“A perennial guest star is like being a foster kid who's passed around some really great foster homes. I would love for one of them to keep me, but it's a hell of a lot better than being abandoned.”
― Fred Stoller, My Seinfeld Year

“My mother tried her best, but was saddled with many fears that she passed on to me, with the highest anxiety. I’m pretty sure I’m the only nine-year-old who set up a lemonade stand whose mother reacted by panicking. “What if it goes under? Don’t do it, Freddie.”
― Fred Stoller, My Seinfeld Year

“Life is also a lot like baseball. It’s timeless, boring, and if you’re not paying attention, you could get hit in the face with a ball.”
― Fred Stoller, Five Minutes to Kill: How the HBO Young Comedians Special Changed the Lives of 1989’s Funniest Comics

“My mother freaked out because I quit college to do this. She's always saying you got to get your degree. I say what for, what's it going to do for me? This is her reason: She says, 'You'll be able to say you're a college graduate.' Like I'm not able to say it now? Like I try, 'I'm a cogger gradugate. I'm a coleberagabubate.' Damn, four credits short, I almost had it!”
― Fred Stoller, My Seinfeld Year