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“I'm not mean, I just give people a good reason to hate me”
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“Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder”
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“The best way to look five years younger is to be born 5 years later”
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“If the girl of my dreams want a man with a hairless chest, I better dream of another girl”
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“How to get in trouble #43: I was once caught staring at a woman's breasts, when she asked "why do you keep staring on my breasts?", I replied with "because your face is ugly”
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“the main reason they don't use seeing eye cats is because you will end up with the cat, and the blind person, stuck up a tree”
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“I have a friend who is a funny cook. Her food tastes funny and smells funny”
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“I would love to introduce you all to my girlfriend, she's.... Imaginary”
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“you can tell if the person is beautiful inside after the autopsy”
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“I once gave my friend his braille book to him upside down and I got a punch in the shoulder. He was aiming for my face but I guess him being blind makes his accuracy terrible.”
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