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“Everybody's wondering, how can I arrange the daisies and dandelions of my life into a better bouquet? The answer is, you can't. Life is random. Life is absurd. Life is deadly. The bouquet arranges itself. And it doesn't always bloom or smell good.”
Conrad Wesselhoeft, Adios, Nirvana
“To live is to swim toward the shimmer, to die is to never try.”
Conrad Wesselhoeft
“That's the secret--to close your hand on jagged glass, then open it and find a butterfly.”
Conrad Wesselhoeft
“Opposites blur and become one. If you open your mind, that is.”
Conrad Wesselhoeft
“If Stalin or Hitler arrested me and tossed me into one of those camps, I would carve words with my fingernails. If they cut off my fingers, I would write with my teeth. If they pulled out my teeth, I would blink my words to any listening bird. If they cut off my eyelids, I would fart code into the troposphere.
You'd have to kill me to stop me from writing.
It's how I breathe.”
Conrad Wesselhoeft
“I climb out of the Jacuzzi, go to the edge of the pool, curl my toes around the border tiles, and do a standing flip, which I pretzel into a can opener, leaning back just far enough to truly propel a geyser but not so far as to hit my head.

Going under, I hear maximal vacuum suckage. Everything shudders. An aquatic bomb explodes. I surface to see that I have drenched half the banshees.

They stare at me in saucer-eyed wonderment, because I have just done in one dive what they have failed to do in a hundred- shellacked the ceiling, which is now dripping wet, especially around the central light fixture.

I'm kind of disguted with myself for showing off, but it's important to let them know that there are standards in the world.”
Conrad Wesselhoeft, Dirt Bikes, Drones, and Other Ways to Fly
“Maybe we don't need to hit the duck, Jonathan. Maybe all we need to do is say what we must say once, to another human being, openly and honestly, with humility and remorse. Maybe that's enough.”
Conrad Wesselhoeft
“Our Father who art on Delridge Avenue, give us this day our daily bread. Only make it pumpernickel and slap on some French's mustard and cucumber chips.”
Conrad Wesselhoeft

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Conrad Wesselhoeft
55 followers
Adios, Nirvana Adios, Nirvana
504 ratings
Dirt Bikes, Drones, and Other Ways to Fly Dirt Bikes, Drones, and Other Ways to Fly
294 ratings
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