Lesley Kagen > Quotes

“...things happen when you least expect them. Things that can change your whole life.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“...things can happen when you least expect them so you always gotta be prepared. And pay attention to the details. The devil is in the details.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“Life, it is not simple like a garden, where flowers are always flowers and weeds are always weeds.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“Memories are so two-faced.
One minute they're hugging you like a long-lost friend, the next minute they're ripping you apart like your worst enemy.”
― Lesley Kagen, Tomorrow River

“When you least expect to recall something, a memory can pop up like an uninvited guest on your doorstep.”
― Lesley Kagen, Tomorrow River

“Nobody can get at your heart once it's lying six feet under.”
― Lesley Kagen, Tomorrow River

“A soul is a quilt stitched of many patches.”
― Lesley Kagen

“Most things in life sound better than they are except for blackmail.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Undertaking of Tess

“Can you see the fireworks from Heaven?”
― Lesley Kagen, Good Graces

“...[Joseph] and the Virgin Mary got turned away from the inn and had to go sleep in the manger. (Not with the manager, like Troo says.)”
― Lesley Kagen, Good Graces

“I know some first-class Negroes. I also know some second-rate white people.”
― Lesley Kagen, Tomorrow River

“My arms were covered in scratches and had bled a little so I licked my finger and cleaned them off and thought God would have done a better job if he made blood taste like Three Musketeers bars.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“If only. -- You got to admit, standing alone those words are pretty awful, but married together like that, they must be two of the saddest in the English language.”
― Lesley Kagen, Tomorrow River

“Ethel Jackson was the cool side of my pillow when I had a fever.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“--I wouldn't throw that cat out of bed.

--When did you get a cat?”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“People can be so cruel to the different.”
― Lesley Kagen, Tomorrow River

“When I was sure she was asleep, I got up and went into Mother's room and pulled her yellow nightie out from the bottom drawer of her dresser, and then I got Daddy's Timex from the dressing table and put it on my wrist. After I said my prayers and told Daddy I was sorry like I did every night, I laid down at the foot of Mother's bed and drifted off to the sound of rain that was strong enough to be good for the crops, and tried and tried to remember the last time I felt safe.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“TO-DO LIST
1. Buy broccoli
2. Make sure Haddie gets the help she needs from a better therapist.
3. Set up a vocational counseling appointment for Henry.
4. Convince Will to love me again.
5. Get Birdie to talk to me.
6. Bury Louise once and for all.
7. Have a religious epiphany so # 8 is going to be okay with me.
8. Die.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Resurrection of Tess Blessing

“If we could find Sara's body, we'd probably get a reward and our pictures in the newspaper like Mary Lane did when she called in that fire she set.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“Appearing ordinary is one of her best talents. As long as nothing unexpected blows up in her face, which, of course, life being the minefield that it is, is about to.”
― Lesley Kagen

“Let bygones be bygones because everybody knew that forgiveness was divine.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“If I’d told the librarian the truth, which was that I thought her idea stunk up the joint because when I grew up I was going to keep being exactly what I already was—an eavesdropper, liar, shoplifter, cat burglar, poison-pen writer extraordinaire, and top-notch blackmailer—because she goes to Mass at St. Catherine’s Church, the same way most everybody around here does, I’m pretty sure that’d get around the neighborhood in nothing flat. “Yes.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“...And he shouldn't have talked to Mama in the hurtful ways he did neither. Calling her despicable names because she wanted to do things her own independent way instead of his. He uses his silver tongue like a sword. Nicking away at your heart, cutting word by cutting word. Maybe silence really is golden.”
― Lesley Kagen, Tomorrow River

“I know from vast experience that fear talks a lot louder than courage. I need to listen to that other voice inside me, that faint one that's struggling to be heard.”
― Lesley Kagen, Tomorrow River

“Humor is holy.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Resurrection of Tess Blessing

“So might I suggest at your earliest convenience that you pay a visit to the Okins Funeral Salon to make arrangements?"
"Why'd I wanna do that?" she says so damn snippy.
"Because on my return visit you can count on my beatin' the ever-lovin' shit outta you with a rusty shovel. Twice.”
― Lesley Kagen, Land of a Hundred Wonders

“His mean justified his end.”
― Lesley Kagen, Good Graces

“Eddie's ma, that would be Mrs. Callahan, her husband got killed last winter over at the Feelin' Good Cookie Factory. They had an open casket at the funeral so you could see dead Mr. Callahan, who hadn't looked that great in life and looked even worse in death. Especially after that cookie press got to him. But Mr. Becker from Becker Funeral Homes had done a nice job fluffing Mr. Callahan's face back out again so he ended up looking like one of those waxy mannequins that you pay a dime to see up at the Wisconsin state Fair.”
― Lesley Kagen, Whistling in the Dark

“THINGS TO DO THIS SUMMER

1. Make Father Mickey lose his black Irish temper.
2. Wear a turtleneck, take in a deep breath and get strangled.
3. Mary Lane takes the picture.
4. Practice getting away.
5. Sally puts the pedal to the metal.
6. Randa Rhonda Rendezvous”
― Lesley Kagen, Good Graces

“Since Troo was in her office at least once a week for doing one bad thing or another, Sister told me she's thinking of having the chair in the corner of her office engraved permanently with Troo's name. (If she bothered to look at the back, she could save a few bucks. Troo stole a penknife out of the Five and Dime last summer.)”
― Lesley Kagen, Good Graces