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Start by following Rodney Hatfield Jr..
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“Received word that my particular brand of directness might be costing me friends.
On the bright side I have already cleared my schedule for the imaginary funeral and there is plenty of room on the bus if anyone else wants a ticket.”
―
On the bright side I have already cleared my schedule for the imaginary funeral and there is plenty of room on the bus if anyone else wants a ticket.”
―
“I am not normal, because normal is boring.
I come with sarcasm.
Dark humor in places most people pretend do not exist.
And questionable life choices with a personality that really needs a warning label, and fine print.”
―
I come with sarcasm.
Dark humor in places most people pretend do not exist.
And questionable life choices with a personality that really needs a warning label, and fine print.”
―
“Freelance writing means you are always one invoice away from feeling like a professional adult and one rejection away from wondering why you got out of bed.”
―
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“I may not be famous.
Or even that attractive.
Same thing with being successful.
But I can promise you someone’s therapist knows about me.”
―
Or even that attractive.
Same thing with being successful.
But I can promise you someone’s therapist knows about me.”
―
“If you ever find yourself in a situation that's a bit strange, unsettling, or even downright fiendish, I'll be there for you with finesse.
No matter the social setting.
(wink) I'll make you proud.”
―
No matter the social setting.
(wink) I'll make you proud.”
―
“Once you move past the resting glare.
The habit of saying what everyone else is only thinking.
The sarcasm that arrives without warning.
And the general vibe that I might cause a scene at any moment.
I am actually very tolerable in small doses.”
―
The habit of saying what everyone else is only thinking.
The sarcasm that arrives without warning.
And the general vibe that I might cause a scene at any moment.
I am actually very tolerable in small doses.”
―
“Sad news.
I was told today I am going to hell for my no filter attitude.
Anyway, I rented a bus if any of you need a ride.”
―
I was told today I am going to hell for my no filter attitude.
Anyway, I rented a bus if any of you need a ride.”
―
“If you grab her by the throat and she starts smiling.
What you have here is a green and red flag.
She going to be a problem, but you are going to have fun.”
―
What you have here is a green and red flag.
She going to be a problem, but you are going to have fun.”
―
“They call me deranged, a fractured fool,
But madness is my kingdom, my only rule.
Every twitching line, each shattered rhyme,
The writhing chaos of a lunatic’s mind.
A delirious dreamer, a nightmarish scribe,
A maniacal poet, where absurdity thrives.
Twisted nightmares, the crowd to engage.
Bleeding raw horror onto every page.
My pen carves scars, my paper weeps,
In the cradle of chaos, sanity sleeps.”
―
But madness is my kingdom, my only rule.
Every twitching line, each shattered rhyme,
The writhing chaos of a lunatic’s mind.
A delirious dreamer, a nightmarish scribe,
A maniacal poet, where absurdity thrives.
Twisted nightmares, the crowd to engage.
Bleeding raw horror onto every page.
My pen carves scars, my paper weeps,
In the cradle of chaos, sanity sleeps.”
―
“Clouds never apologize for changing shape.
Maybe there's a lesson in that.”
―
Maybe there's a lesson in that.”
―
“Once you get past my unfiltered mouth, awkwardness, dark sense of humor and sarcasm.
I really am a delight to have around.”
―
I really am a delight to have around.”
―
“If we are ever in a situation where I am the voice of reason, we are in a very bad, bad situation.”
―
―
“My brain is like an old radio stuck between stations.
One minute it plays calm music about everyday things.
The next it blasts static filled with every worst case scenario that could happen if I forget to lock the door.”
―
One minute it plays calm music about everyday things.
The next it blasts static filled with every worst case scenario that could happen if I forget to lock the door.”
―
“I was born in a place where the hills swallowed the sun early, and I learned that stories are just another way to dig for light.”
―
―
“A liar’s waltz, I dance with despair,
Building my kingdoms of smoke and air.
An imaginative land where sanity dies,
Painting the world with the ashes of lies.
A deranged maker, a lunatic rage,
Bleeding my soul with each turn of the page.
The shadows cheer, my audience screams,
As I twist their fears into living dreams.”
―
Building my kingdoms of smoke and air.
An imaginative land where sanity dies,
Painting the world with the ashes of lies.
A deranged maker, a lunatic rage,
Bleeding my soul with each turn of the page.
The shadows cheer, my audience screams,
As I twist their fears into living dreams.”
―
“I. Am. Unstoppable.
No, wait, unbreakable?
Unimpeded"
Un...
Unstable. That’s the one.”
―
No, wait, unbreakable?
Unimpeded"
Un...
Unstable. That’s the one.”
―
“Not everyone gets the same version of me.
One person will tell you I am a kind and thoughtful soul.
Another will tell you I am the devil himself and need therapy.
Believe them both. I don’t treat people badly, I treat them accordingly.”
―
One person will tell you I am a kind and thoughtful soul.
Another will tell you I am the devil himself and need therapy.
Believe them both. I don’t treat people badly, I treat them accordingly.”
―
“I had another run-in with the neighbor.
They complained about my music being too loud at three in the morning. When they asked why I was blasting it, I said because silence makes my thoughts too loud and nobody wants that.
I am hoping they dedicate a whole section of the neighborhood watch list to me.”
―
They complained about my music being too loud at three in the morning. When they asked why I was blasting it, I said because silence makes my thoughts too loud and nobody wants that.
I am hoping they dedicate a whole section of the neighborhood watch list to me.”
―
“I can’t tell if I am getting angrier as I get older, or if people are genuinely getting more irritating. Anyway. Love you!”
―
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“I am what you would call me a urinary writer.
I want my stories to make you lose control of your bladder. Whether it’s from sheer terror or uncontrollable laughter.
If you make it to the end dry, I haven’t done my job.”
―
I want my stories to make you lose control of your bladder. Whether it’s from sheer terror or uncontrollable laughter.
If you make it to the end dry, I haven’t done my job.”
―
“The moon laughs, I find my pen,
The insanity stirs; it begins again.
The voices are screaming, they own the night.
I have to act, I have to write.
Blood in the ink, it sings like a curse,
Each word a wound, each line gets worse.”
―
The insanity stirs; it begins again.
The voices are screaming, they own the night.
I have to act, I have to write.
Blood in the ink, it sings like a curse,
Each word a wound, each line gets worse.”
―
“Things end. That part is reliable.”
―
―
“Panic attacks are just my nervous system throwing an uninvited party where I am the only guest and the theme is ‘everything is definitely on fire.”
―
―
“I am the jester.
The butcher of rhyme,
Splintering truths through the prism of time.
A demented bard.
A creator confined.
Welcome to the terrifying labyrinth of an author’s mind!”
―
The butcher of rhyme,
Splintering truths through the prism of time.
A demented bard.
A creator confined.
Welcome to the terrifying labyrinth of an author’s mind!”
―
“If I offend you.
Number one, I am really sorry.
Number two, I will try and tone it down.
Number three, the first two are lies.
I really don’t give a hairy monkey’s butt if I offend anyone.”
―
Number one, I am really sorry.
Number two, I will try and tone it down.
Number three, the first two are lies.
I really don’t give a hairy monkey’s butt if I offend anyone.”
―
“You can delete me, block me, unfriend me, and even unlove me.
But you will never forget me.”
―
But you will never forget me.”
―
“Got informed that my blunt honesty is burning bridges left and right.
On the positive side I have already started collecting the scrap wood and I am thinking of building a nice bonfire.
Plenty of room around it if anyone needs warmth or a good story.”
―
On the positive side I have already started collecting the scrap wood and I am thinking of building a nice bonfire.
Plenty of room around it if anyone needs warmth or a good story.”
―
“Rain on the roof at night sounds like the world finally decided to hush for a while.”
―
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“I am a hypochondriac with a panic disorder who also has mild agoraphobia. In other words, I can have a medical emergency about leaving the house before I even open the door.”
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“Being diagnosed and continuously being treated for neurodiversity, everything else is like trying to conduct a symphony where every instrument is playing a different song and half the orchestra is afraid of the conductor’s baton.
Somehow, on good days, music still happens.”
―
Somehow, on good days, music still happens.”
―
