Rowland S. Miller > Quotes

“In particular, husbands and wives who do poorly at nonverbal communication tend to be dissatisfied with their marriages. Moreover, when such problems occur, it's usually the husband's fault .

In the first ingenious study of this sort, Patricia Noller (1980) found that
husbands in unhappy marriages sent more confusing messages and made more decoding errors than happy husbands did. There were no such differences among the wives, so the poorer communication Noller observed in the distressed marriages appeared to be the husbands' fault. Men in troubled marriages were misinterpreting communications from their wives that were clearly legible to total strangers.

Even worse, such husbands were completely clueless about their mistakes; they assumed that they were doing a fine job communicating with their wives, and were confident that they understood their wives and that their wives understood them. The men were doing a poor job communicating and didn't know it, and that's why they seemed to be at fault.”
― Rowland Miller, Intimate Relationships

“Moreover, in conversations with women, men do most of the talking (Haas,
1979), and despite hackneyed stereotypes about women being more talkative
than men, we're apparently used to this pattern. When people listen to record-
ings of conversations, they think it's more disrespectful and assertive for a
woman to interrupt a m~ than vice versa (Lafrance, 1992).”
― Rowland Miller, Intimate Relationships

“Because people like to be liked, pretending to be aloof and only mildly interested in someone is a dumb way to try to
attract him or her. Playing hard to get doesn’t work. What does work is being
selectively hard to get—that is, being a difficult catch for everyone but the person you’re trying to attract (Walster et al., 1973). Those who can afford to say
“no” to most people but who are happy to say “yes” to us are the most alluring
potential partners of all.”
― Rowland Miller, Intimate Relationships

“We don’t need a lot of close relationships, just a few;
when the need to belong is satiated, our drive to form additional relationships is
reduced. (Thus, when it comes to relationships, quality is more important than
quantity.)”
― Rowland Miller, Intimate Relationships

“People are disproportionately likely to fall in love with someone who has a
name that resembles their own (Jones et al., 2004).”
― Rowland Miller, Intimate Relationships

“If you playfully tease someone, for instance, your facial expression and the sound of your voice may be the only way listeners can tell that you don’t intend to be antagonistic. This function is so important that we have had to invent emojis, the imitation facial expressions people put in text messages, to sometimes show what we mean.”
― Rowland S. Miller, Intimate Relationships

“actor/observer effects: They generate different explanations for their own behavior than they do for the similar things they see their partners do (Malle, 2006). People are often acutely aware of the external pressures that have shaped their own behavior, but they overlook how the same circumstances affect others;”
― Rowland S. Miller, Intimate Relationships

“性质”
― Rowland S. Miller, 亲密关系

“Over time, as we come to know our partners well, we tend to revise our opinions of what we want in an ideal partner so that our standards fit the partners we’ve got (Kučerová et al., 2018).”
― Rowland S. Miller, Intimate Relationships