P.J. Jones > Quotes

“RULE #3 — DO NOT ATTEMPT TO EAT TEXANS OR ANY OTHER ANGRY REDNECKS: Beware as these individuals tend to carry shotguns packed full of enough buckshot to blow a zombie’s head to smithereens, at which point, it will be difficult to feast on brains when the said zombie is missing a head.”
― P.J. Jones, The Vampire Handbook

“I’m worried about Grandma,” Wolf whined. “When did you last see her?” “I’ve been hunkering down at her house since I left Drag’s den.” Wolf flashed a toothy grin. “Turns out she’s one of those end-of-the-world crazed rednecks and she’s got a whole cellar of weed, freeze-dried meals and bottled water.”
― P.J. Jones, Attack of the Fairytale Zombies!

“When Barth looked into the witch’s wide, violet eyes, he thought his heart would melt. Except, not all the way, because then his heart wouldn’t be able to pump blood, and he’d die. It melted just enough so the reader gets that Barth was instantly in love.”
― P.J. Jones, Attack of the Fairytale Zombies!

“Melvin protruded his arms and slowly lifted the door off of Stanley’s body.”
― P.J. Jones, Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse

“What in the hell had he been thinking? This could seriously get in the way of his life’s aspirations — living off government welfare checks and selling pot out of his garage. Only werewolves would be foolish enough to buy weed off zombies, and they were usually too broke to pay for much more than a dime-bag.”
― P.J. Jones, Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse

“Just then the king’s royal ass kisser made his presence known by clearing his throat very loudly.”
― P.J. Jones, Attack of the Fairytale Zombies!

“I know you’re only after sex.” She glared up at him. “That’s not true.” Barth vehemently shook his head. “I want to spoon with you afterwards, too.”
― P.J. Jones, Attack of the Fairytale Zombies!

“I think she’s a PMS zombie,” Wolf snickered. “Don’t worry, dude,” he added, “this curse will only last five to seven days.”
― P.J. Jones, Attack of the Fairytale Zombies!

“STEP TWO: Writhe in unbelievable, mind-numbing, soul searing agony for three interminable days while the poison seeps into your veins and solidifies all of your bodily organs. This is much like alcohol destroys your kidneys, or like listening to Justin Bieber music destroys your ear-drums, only worse.”
― P.J. Jones, The Vampire Handbook

“It was so Raven’s style.”
― P.J. Jones, Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse