Adam Millard > Quotes

“He hadn’t killed anyone in thirty-six years. The bubonic plague had better stats than him.”
― Adam Millard, Larry

“If you were to tell the thing down at the bottom of that pit it had napped through forty-two presidential inaugurations, eight British coronations, sixteen popes and three number ones by the Danish pop group, Aqua, it would have told you to stop talking nonsense and shut the fuck up. It had slept, somewhat peacefully, through Emmet’s Insurrection, World War I and II, Vietnam, and even the Great War of Blur Vs. Oasis.”
― Adam Millard, Vinyl Destination

“The man laughed heartily, like a dirty Santa. Drool dripped down his chin, but that was fine. There was a whole mess of silver hair there for such occurrences.”
― Adam Millard, Larry

“Jason smiled. He could sell rice to the Chinese, ice to the Eskimos, and white American children to Angelina Jolie if he had to.”
― Adam Millard, Larry

“You see, it’s all shits and giggles until someone actually shits.”
― Adam Millard, Larry

“It was a rather disturbing thing to watch, like one of those Jihadi beheading videos or a Miley Cyrus concert.     “Please”
― Adam Millard, The Human Santapede

“The hobo fell to his knees, trying to stem the flow of blood from his wide-open palm. It was impossible, and the pain was like nothing he’d ever felt before, even though he’d once been an altar boy.”
― Adam Millard, Skinners

“Toothless grins are cute on babies, but on geriatric gas-station attendants, they’re creepy as hell.”
― Adam Millard, Larry

“This is The Land of Christmas, where joy and laughter are spread like wildfire and chlamydia.”
― Adam Millard, The Human Santapede

“Your husband’s just going to have to man up and take it like an elf.”
― Adam Millard, The Human Santapede

“finally, the clean-up continues following the devastating series of earthquakes which killed almost half a million Los Angeles residents last week, including the actress and model Kim Kardashian, the artist formerly known as Justin Bieber, and all of the X-Factor Live tour’s acts, as well as 458,000 actual people.”
― Adam Millard, Skinners