Brian Alan Ellis > Quotes

“If I ever get a car I’m going to hang a miniature garbage can from the rear view mirror and tell people it’s my “dream catcher.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Failure Pie in a Sadness Face

“You shudder beneath the orange glow, the wet reptile streets, while heading back to the muted torture of your dirty room, where some cruel memory sours the walls, viciously, like wisps of a flaming hell.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Something to Do with Self-Hate

“In a few days you’ll be twenty-something—twenty-five, twenty-six, sixty-three, doesn’t matter.
You’re no better off—mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, and so on—than you were at the time of your last birthday; and maybe the one before that even.
In fact, things seem kind of worse.
Then again, maybe things are too much the same.
Maybe sameness worsens as time moves forth.
Shouldn’t sameness stay the same?”
― Brian Alan Ellis, 33 Fragments of Sick-Sad Living

“She left her heels here. God, of all the things she could have left—earrings, boogered-up tissue paper, soiled panties, a toothbrush—she leaves her damn heels—O cruel fate!—the same ones she wore the night I first took her to bed—looked real good in them, too. She wanted them off at first, but I wouldn’t let her, I said, “If you remove those heels, I’ll fuck them instead of you.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, The Mustache He's Always Wanted but Could Never Grow: And Other Stories

“Harry sometimes wished that Lucille and Trinket could swap personalities; he thought Lucille was prettier, but Trinket rarely gave him any shit, which was nice.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Skive Magazine Quarterly - Issue 9, September 2008

“if you ever see me on Tinder, make sure you swipe up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Failure Pie in a Sadness Face

“I’ve always had the morbid inclination to fuck my life up and yet I’ve never had children so go figure.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Failure Pie in a Sadness Face

“You fall into thought while staring at the green foliage back here—so much damn green that it envelops you in its cruddy fist—and the thoughts aren’t too good, either—thoughts of sitting on the toilet—eating a sandwich—standing in line at a grocery store—watching an episode of Cheaters—doing laundry—staring at your face in a mirror—shaving it—snorting crushed pills—falling in love—death—all death—and the green shrubbery carries you away with it.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, 33 Fragments of Sick-Sad Living

“People leave all the time.
That’s kind of their thing.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Something to Do with Self-Hate

“Today you ignored the huge life mistakes you’ve made by obsessing over the tiny editorial mistakes you’ve made.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Hobbies You Enjoy: A Novelty

“Obituary: He/she is survived by his/her Want-to-Read/Currently-Reading Goodreads shelf”
― Brian Alan Ellis, A Series of Pained Facial Expressions Made While Shredding Air Guitar

“Books are like people: there are too many and most are garbage but we keep producing them because maybe a really amazing one will turn up though it’s doubtful as fuck.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, A Series of Pained Facial Expressions Made While Shredding Air Guitar

“The ’80s were a much simpler time, mainly because the only superhero movie franchise anyone could complain about was Superman, and the Internet didn’t exist so you couldn’t even complain about it to too many people—just, like, your mom and maybe your imaginary friend or whatever”
― Brian Alan Ellis, A Series of Pained Facial Expressions Made While Shredding Air Guitar

“The fact that Stephen King refers to himself as “Uncle Stevie” is creepier than any of his books combined, and that’s a lot of books, yeesh!”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Sad Laughter: A Totally Unessential and Demotivational Guide to Reading, Writing and Publishing

“Shout-out to your idiot friends/siblings who, as children, would call all vampires “Draculas.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Road Warrior Hawk: Poems about Depression, Anxiety and Pop Culture

“Cigarette smoke curls up like the toes of every dead thing, and I murder this room like some quiet, careful apparition; nothing is broken or misplaced.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, The Mustache He's Always Wanted but Could Never Grow: And Other Stories

“This is ridiculous. Insects fuck flowers. Humans huddle over toilets and shovel garbage they paid too much for into their nose and act like assholes for several minutes. Then they repeat.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Something to Do with Self-Hate: A Novel

“You may find yourself binge-watching random YouTube videos of Beavis and Butthead binge-watching random music videos, and you may ask yourself, “Well… how did I get here?”
― Brian Alan Ellis, A Series of Pained Facial Expressions Made While Shredding Air Guitar

“Sera calls up Drew to tell him about this girl she has just met and is really into and how she doesn’t want to rush into things, and Drew tells her to go for it, to not waste time, that she or the girl in question could die tomorrow, that “life can be taken faster than the flick of a switch,” and Sera gets upset and tells Drew to quit the “death talk,” and Drew says, “After seeing friends of mine in boxes, as motionless as caged flesh in a meat cooler, I just can’t do that,” and Sera says “God, I can’t tell you anything, can I?” before hanging up, and Drew, ignoring this sudden silence, starts thinking about the clay morticians use to mask the truth about dead things.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, NAP 1.3

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”—DOROTHY PARKER”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Sad Laughter: A Totally Unessential and Demotivational Guide to Reading, Writing and Publishing

“You knew from an early age that to get through life you would have to rely solely on your imagination because everything else was so disappointing.”
― Brian Alan Ellis, Something to Do with Self-Hate: A Novel

“A man is only as good as his mustache.” —Ancient Chinese Proverb*”
― Brian Alan Ellis, The Mustache He's Always Wanted but Could Never Grow: And Other Stories