Leonard Birdsong > Quotes

“retired Harrisburg, PA, police chief said he was held up by "'the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania," which may be an understatement.  A 19 year old man is under arrest for allegedly robbing John Comparetto at gunpoint -- while the victim was attending a convention of narcotics cops  in Harrisburg.  After Comparetto gave up his money and cell phone, he and fellow conventioneers chased down the petty hood as he tried to escape in a taxi. He was placed under arrest.”
― Leonard Birdsong, Professor Birdsong's 157 Dumbest Criminal Stories

“Let’s call him a "Minnie perv." A 60 year old man was convicted in August, of groping Minnie Mouse at Disney World.”
― Leonard Birdsong, Professor Birdsong's 157 Dumbest Criminal Stories

“Calvin Morett, a 19 year old Saratoga Springs, NY, high school student was cited for disorderly conduct. His  conduct?  He showed up at his high school graduation dressed as a 6 foot penis.  Officials report that Morett went to court where he stood erect, manned up and pleaded guilty to the charge. For his punishment he was ordered to write a letter of apology to his school.”
― Leonard Birdsong, Professor Birdsong's 157 Dumbest Criminal Stories

“How dumb can you get! A former employee of a funeral home in Walnut Ridge, Arkansas broke in one night and began setting up a meth lab in the basement in the middle of the night.  Unfortunately for him, he forgot the sheriff's office was right across the street.  Police noticed something was amiss when they spotted lights on and promptly arrested him.”
― Leonard Birdsong, Professor Birdsong's 157 Dumbest Criminal Stories

“This one sounds rather gay. A Fresno, California house burglar rubbed spices over the body of a sleeping man before using an 8 inch long sausage to slap the face of another snoozing resident.  Antonio Vasquez fled but was caught in a nearby field after police found his wallet and ID in the victims’ home.  The sausage was eaten by a dog after Vasquez tossed it away.”
― Leonard Birdsong, Professor Birdsong's 157 Dumbest Criminal Stories

“Recently, a Florida man was arrested for making false 911 calls when he reported that a slot  machine had "stolen" his money.”
― Leonard Birdsong, Professor Birdsong's 157 Dumbest Criminal Stories

“How dare you have no money for me to steal! A bank robber in this state was so furious when told that the tellers' tills were empty, he threatened to file a complaint with management before fleeing. When the robber walked in, the tellers were on a shift change and waiting for their cash drawers to be filled. The indignant but hapless robber was caught 10 blocks away.”
― Leonard Birdsong, Professor Birdsong’s “365” Weird Criminal Law Stories for Every Day of the Year