Debra Fine > Quotes

“SOCIAL/GENERAL ICEBREAKERS

1. What do you think of the movie/restaurant/party?
2. Tell me about the best vacation you’ve ever taken.
3. What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
4. If you could replay any moment in your life, what would it be?
5. What one thing would you really like to own? Why?
6. Tell me about one of your favorite relatives.
7. What was it like in the town where you grew up?
8. What would you like to come back as in your next life?
9. Tell me about your kids.
10. What do you think is the perfect age? Why?
11. What is a typical day like for you?
12. Of all the places you’ve lived, tell me about the one you like the best.
13. What’s your favorite holiday? What do you enjoy about it?
14. What are some of your family traditions that you particularly enjoy?
15. Tell me about the first car you ever bought.
16. How has the Internet affected your life?
17. Who were your idols as a kid? Have they changed?
18. Describe a memorable teacher you had.
19. Tell me about a movie/book you’ve seen or read more than once.
20. What’s your favorite restaurant? Why?
21. Tell me why you were named ______. What is the origin of your last name?
22. Tell me about a place you’ve visited that you hope never to return to.
get over your mom’s good intentions.
23. What’s the best surprise you’ve ever received?
24. What’s the neatest surprise you’ve ever planned and pulled off for someone else?
25. Skiing here is always challenging. What are some of your favorite places to ski?
26. Who would star as you in a movie about your life?
Why that person?
27. Who is the most famous person you’ve met?
28. Tell me about some of your New Year’s resolutions.
29. What’s the most antiestablishment thing you’ve ever done?
30. Describe a costume that you wore to a party.
31. Tell me about a political position you’d like to hold.
32. What song reminds you of an incident in your life?
33. What’s the most memorable meal you’ve eaten?
34. What’s the most unforgettable coincidence you’ve experienced or heard about?
35. How are you able to tell if that melon is ripe?
36. What motion picture star would you like to interview? Why?
37. Tell me about your family.
38. What aroma brings forth a special memory?
39. Describe the scariest person you ever met.
40. What’s your favorite thing to do alone?
41. Tell me about a childhood friend who used to get you in trouble.
42. Tell me about a time when you had too much to eat or drink.
43. Describe your first away-from-home living quarters or experience.
44. Tell me about a time that you lost a job.
45. Share a memory of one of your grandparents.
46. Describe an embarrassing moment you’ve had.
47. Tell me something most people would never guess about you.
48. What would you do if you won a million dollars?
49. Describe your ideal weather and why.
50. How did you learn to ski/hang drywall/play piano?”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“The truth is, most people don’t want advice—they want empathy and compassion.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

“All things being equal, people will buy from a friend. All things being not quite so equal, people will still buy from a friend.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Showing genuine interest is flattering and essential to conversing. If you are interested in how I lost sixtyfive pounds or how I started my business or anything else about me, I feel special. I also think positively about you and want to continue talking with you. The more interest you show in me, the more interesting you become to me. The simple act of truly being interested in the other person has an amazing effect on the conversation — it just snowballs!”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Start thinking of strangers as people who can bring new dimensions to your life, not as persons to be feared.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

“We become better conversationalists when we employ two primary objectives. Number one: Take the risk. It is up to us to take the risk of starting a conversation with a stranger. We cannot hope that others will approach us; instead, even if we are shy, it is up to us to make the first move. We all fear rejection at some level. Just remind yourself that there are more dire consequences in life than a rejection by someone at a networking event, singles function, back-to-school night, or association meeting. Number two: Assume the burden. It is up to each and every one of us to assume the burden of conversation. It is our responsibility to come up with topics to discuss; it is up to us to remember people’s names and to introduce them to others; it is up to us to relieve the awkward moments or fill the pregnant pause.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

“So dating is a great opportunity to hear someone else’s stories. Listen to them actively and empathetically—and even share some of your own when it’s appropriate—but don’t kill the conversation with domination. Listening is a great way to find out if there’s something worth pursuing in that person sitting across from you.”
― Debra Fine

“- Family

Tell me about your family.
Does everyone live in the area?
What do you like best about being a father/mother/son/aunt, etc.?

-Occupation

What got you into your current job?
How did you come up with that idea?
What are some of the toughest challenges in your job?
If you could change one thing about your job, what would it be?
How has the Internet impacted your business/industry?

- Recreation

What do you do for fitness?
What kinds of things does your family do for fun?
How do you spend your leisure time?
What’s been your favorite vacation?

- Miscellaneous
Have you seen any good movies lately?
What do you think about ————— [news event]?
Are you reading anything you really enjoy?”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Starting with a Statement
•What a beautiful day.What’s your favorite season of the year?
•I was truly touched by that movie.How did you like it? Why?
•This is a wonderful restaurant.What is your favorite restaurant? Why?
•What a great conference! Tell me about the sessions you attended.
•I was absent last week.What did I miss?
•That was an interesting program after lunch.What did you think?
•Presidential campaigns seem to start immediately after the inauguration.What do you think of the campaign process?
•I am so frustrated with getting this business off the ground.Do you have any ideas?
•I am excited about our new mayor.How do you think her administration will be different from her predecessor’s?
•Your lawn always looks so green.What is your secret?
•We’ve been working together for months now.I’d like to get to know you better.Tell me about some of your outside interests.
•You worked pretty hard on that stair stepper.What other equipment do you use?
•You always wear such attractive clothes.What are your favorite stores?
•What a beautiful home.How do you manage to run a house with four children?
•I read in the newspaper that our governor has taken another trip overseas.What do you think of all his travel?”
― Debra fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Going beyond cliche phrases:

•How was your summer? Excellent.What special things did you do?
•How were your holidays? Pretty good.How did you celebrate?
•How was your weekend? Good.What did you do?
I went to see that new play down at the Civic Center.Really? You’re interested in ______?
I never knew that.Tell me more about that.
•Did you do anything relaxing?
•Is that something you usually do on the weekend?”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Confident Conversation

“Calling-for-the-Date Small Talk

•It was great to meet you at ______. I hope you had as good a time as I did.
•Hey, I wanted to add something to our conversation the other night . . .
•You mentioned ______. Do you have any idea where I can fi nd one?
•I really enjoyed our conversation about ______, and felt like we kind of connected on that issue/ topic. Would you like to go for coffee this weekend so we can continue the discussion?
•You mentioned to me that you like contemporary art.The art museum has a ______exhibition until next month. Would sometime in the evening this week work for you?
•I remember you said that you were a fan of ______. I enjoy him, too. Do you want to go see his latest fi lm sometime over the weekend?”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“The power in a sincere compliment is enormous.
There is nothing that makes people feel more special than to have their finer traits noted and appreciated.

You can compliment someone on a new hairstyle, an item of clothing, a piece of jewelry, or physical appearance. However, not all compliments are created equal. A good compliment acknowledges the object of admiration:
- That’s a nice sweater you’re wearing, or What an unusual tie.

An excellent, top-of-the-line compliment goes beyond that to give conversation material by expounding on why you like the item. For instance, you might elaborate on the sweater by saying,
- I love your sweater. That shade really enhances the color of your eyes.

You can turn your appreciation of a good-looking tie into a more powerful compliment by saying,
- That’s a great tie. Its unusual design really sets it apart, I always enjoy it when men make fashion statements with their ties.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men of talent.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills – and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Ending a conversation by showing appreciation for the interchange

You emanate poise and self-confidence when you bid adieu by expressing your gratitude and praising your partner in some way. This is accomplished in much the same way as using a compliment to forward a conversation, and the same rule applies: Be genuine. Done sincerely, offering gratitude will produce a wave of goodwill and a positive association with your name.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“First Date Small Talk

•It’s great to see you again. I’m so glad you were able to ______with me tonight.
•So tell me a little bit about yourself: who was your best friend growing up, how do you celebrate your favorite holiday, what do you eat for lunch?
•Did you go away to college?
•Where does your family live?
•I have fi ve brothers and six sisters. How about you, do you have any siblings?
•What brought you to this city?
•Do you have any pets? Hobbies? Favorite activities during this season of the year?”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“No matter what your chosen topic of conversation, I cannot overstate the importance of being authentic when talking with someone. If you are not genuinely interested in what the other person is saying, no amount of planning or preparation will save you from a doomed conversation. Interest in someone else cannot be feigned.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“With creative usage of these three elements (questions, follow-up comments, follow-up questions), the possibilities and variations in conversation are virtually limitless.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

“The key is to have a genuine interest in what the other person is saying, along with a genuine desire to hear the response. So while you get to be quiet, you do not get to be passive. You must actively participate in the conversation.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Behavioral compliments include comments like:

•I appreciate how organized you are for our meetings. It makes it easy to get the work done.
•It must have taken a lot of courage to change careers during your peak of success. I really admire that.
•You have an amazing amount of determination. I think it’s remarkable that you set aside time to successfully train for a marathon.
Congratulations.
•I know you are nervous about this procedure; it’s great that you made yourself show up.
•You certainly look at the bright side of things; it is a pleasure to work with you.
prevent pregnant pauses with preparation.
•You manage to run such an organized home, even with four children!”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“become better conversationalists when we employ two primary objectives. Number one: Take the risk. It is up to us to take the risk of starting a conversation with a stranger. We cannot hope that others will approach us; instead, even if we are shy, it is up to us to make the first move. We all fear rejection at some level. Just remind yourself that there are more dire consequences in life than a rejection”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

“LACK OF PREPARATION ON YOUR PART DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AN EMERGENCY ON MY PART.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills – and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Interviewing Questions

•What do you enjoy most about this season of the year?
•What got you involved in this organization/event?
•If you weren’t here, what would you be doing at this very moment?
•If you could meet any one person, whom would you choose?
•Tell me about an issue that matters a great deal to you.
•What has been your most important work experience?”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Don’t be afraid of looking dumb or saying the wrong thing. Laughing at yourself is the best way to develop a sense of humor (if you don’t already have one) and, at the same time, make people feel less threatened by you.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Anticipate excellence. We get good information more often when we expect it.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills – and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Top Ten Icebreakers for Holiday Parties

1. “What is your connection to the host/hostess or event?”
2. “What do you enjoy the most at this time/season of the year?”
3. “How does this season of the year affect your work?”
4. “Bring me up to date about your life/work/family since the last time we got together.”
5. “Tell me about your plans for the holidays.”
6. “Do you have a favorite holiday tradition?”
7. “What challenges do you encounter at this time of year?”
8. “Tell me about a special gift you have given or received.”
9. “What is your favorite holiday? Why?”
10. “What do you have going on during the coming year?”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“ORDINARY PEOPLE

Guess what? Most of us are ordinary people just trying to live our lives. We worry about paying bills, educating kids, our favorite team winning a championship, getting a promotion, caring for elderly parents, taking an occasional vacation, having time for a hobby, and relaxing now and then. We are more alike than we are different, and our commonality as human beings opens the door for connection and conversation. Even ordinary people have extraordinary things happen to them that make for excellent conversation. Every person I know has had an extraordinary experience of one kind or another. Lurking somewhere in your conversation is a hilarious event, a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, a ridiculous moment, an ex-citing accomplishment, a hair-raising happy-ending tale an uncanny coincidence, or an incredible adventure. Find it and bring it out! Almost anything is a conversation in the making.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Feel-good factor

If you want a promotion but come across as aloof or reserved, you’ll be overlooked in favor of someone who has warm “people skills”—skills that make others feel good about being around them.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“You: How often do you go out?
Her: Almost every night.

As she’s responding, think about how to comment on what she’s saying, rather than on your next question. This exercise does wonders to sharpen your listening skills.

You: Now that sounds like a lot of work!

Comment on her response rather than asking a pre-dictable follow-up question like Where do you like to go? It takes a higher level of listening to make a follow-up comment than it does to ask a follow-up question.

If you had a follow-up question in mind that you were tempted to use but did not, then you are on the right path. Although you didn’t follow with a question, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have had one at the ready. As a general rule, always formulate at least one follow-up question and keep it in your head even if you may not use it.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Icebreakers for Singles

•I’ve been here before, but it’s never been so crowded.
•Which way to the food (bar)?
•I know exactly zero people here. How about you?
•This food looks like it’s pretty tasty.
•It looks like there are a lot of interesting people here. Do you know any of them?
•Would you please hand me a napkin?
•Friday afternoons are a great time for this kind of thing. Something to look forward to at the end of the week.
•I never know what to say at these affairs, but I would like to meet you.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression!

“Calvin Coolidge once said, “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men of talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”
― Debra Fine, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!