Shani Mootoo > Quotes

“I wonder at how many of us, feeling unsafe and unprotected, either end up running far away from everything we know and love, or staying and simply going mad. I have decided today that neither option is more or less noble than the other. They are merely different ways of coping, and we each must cope as best we can.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Perhaps many of them shared my sentiments, but our options then were black and white, between this and that. The grey area of freedom we longed for existed only in dreams.”
― Shani Mootoo, Moving Forward Sideways Like a Crab

“I brought my face inches away from hers and whispered, 'If I were strapped like that, I would hate it, too.' And then I felt foolish, for what was the point of empathizing without taking more positive action? I wanted to touch her again but I left and returned to my room feeling impoverished and weak.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Somehow you don't question things until you come face to face with the person and suddenly- suddenly you realize that behind all them stories it have a flesh- and- blood, breathing, feeling person who capable of hurting, yes! Well, ask her, na. Ask her if she want to garden. I think about starting a plot for the old people to have something to do. Some people say that gardening good for old people. I am proof of that!”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Lavina loved the freedom and wildness in Sarah's garden, so unlike her mother's well- ordered, colour- coordinated beds. (53)”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Hindsight suggests that in spite of my obsession with my search, I must have chosen to spin my wheels. Perhaps I knew in the depths of my being that it would be difficult, and possibly more painful than it was worth, to reconnect with a parent who had left me without word and had never made any attempt to be in touch. And so, after a while, the search degenerated into the idea of the search, and for a time it was my romance. Sometimes there are elaborate calculations that lead to action, and sometimes there is no cognition, just action impetuously taken.”
― Shani Mootoo, Moving Forward Sideways Like a Crab

“Mala faced her wall of faded cereus blooms. She was content. Oblivious to the dew that drizzled from the mudra, she rocked and dozed lightly. Scent, as though too shy for light, no longer trickled from the blossoms but Mala was not yet ready to leave the yard. Her eyes would flicker open and catch a glimpse of the day that was beginning to split the black sky apart. In that first orange light the flowers hung limp, battered and bruised, each one worn out from the frenzied carnival of moths. (140)”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Zain pinched my skin. I surprised myself when I instantly flipped up that same arm and gripped her wrist hard. I said, in a soft voice, “Don’t do that.” There was no smile on my face now. But that was when her facade broke, and she was suddenly grinning. I felt her body relax. My grip relaxed then, too, but I did not let go of her hand. I remained unsmiling, suddenly frightened, but not of her.”
― Shani Mootoo, Moving Forward Sideways Like a Crab

“I want a simple-simple thing—to be able to look at you, to look at those eyes, and talk about all kinds of things, and I want you to look back at me, and talk with me. That is not a lot to want. It is a person's right. To give and get love—not mother-and-child love, but the kind two adults share?”
― Shani Mootoo, He Drown She in the Sea

“...your name repeats itself mantra-like in my head. At night I fall asleep clinging to the hope that you are happy and well...”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“By the time she had picked every visible corpse off her property, the heap included ants, beetles and cockroaches, different kinds of spiders, some bees, flies, a wasp, two fetid lizard skins and the brittle remains of their skeletons, six butterflies, a stick insect the length of her forearm, two dragonflies, a handful of crickets and other creatures that in the world of naming remained untitled. The collection measured a full hand deep. She paid no attention to the odour rising out of the bucket. The scent of decay was not offensive to her. It was the aroma of life refusing to end. It was the aroma of transformation. Such odour was proof that nothing truly ended, and she revelled in it as much as she did the cereus blossoms along the back wall of the house.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“We were all, I thought, counting on the probability that, simply by living in a big North American city, we would be greeted as warriors on our arrival back home by those who knew us and those who didn’t alike. Greeted as champions. I was a champ for giving up the perks of living with family, among friends whose families had known mine for generations, among people familiar to me from primary school days. I lived now without the deep comfort of neighbours who cooked more food than they needed for themselves so that they could parcel it up and bring you some. I had left behind strangers who, passing on the street, bid each other good day, and people who put off their own chores to lend you a hand. I had given up all of this in the hope that I would no longer have to live a lie, that I could, at last, come into my authentic self. So on this particular occasion I had dressed as I always did, to announce my individuality and assert that I had indeed found authenticity. No one here needed to know the truth or to question whether such authenticity was achievable.”
― Shani Mootoo, Moving Forward Sideways Like a Crab

“Behind the flattery, the edge of mockery was plain to anyone who must, as a matter of survival, learn to detect it. page no. 15”
― Shani Mootoo

“Is this how I will forever live my life, owing explanations and apologies? When did this manner of making my way through the world start?”
― Shani Mootoo, Polar Vortex

“Mala was troubled. Was this the day when she would either put an end to their trysts or tell Ambrose about the heavy hand with which her father ruled her life? Ambrose breathed in the sugary aroma of her sweat. Her scalp had a faint scent of coconut oil. Even though he wore a concoction of clove oil, bay leaves and cardamom, the natural fragrance of his sweet-and-tangy skin rose from his shirt. She knew now the taste of his skin by its smell. She pressed her face against his chest. He didn't smell like her father, of rum and stale genitals, the shrill severity of soured secretions. Ambrose brought his lips down to her temples and she closed her eyes and lifted her head.”
― Shani Mootoo

“every village in this place have a handful of people like you. And it is not easy to tell who is who.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Finally, nausea at my own ballooning sense of self wore me down and I slept. (17)”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“When Pohpoh unlatched the window above the enamel sink, yellow light sliced through the opening, hauling in a cold, fresh morning draught.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Street sweepers were pulling their wide brooms down the road and the swish of their brooms filtered through the tail-end of her dreams.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Chandin found that a straight-back upholstered chair had come to be marked as his. Although it was only a physical place, the chair became an antidote to the chaos of his uprootedness.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“Shafts of dusty light broke through the branches of the pomerac tree outside the open window. Pohpoh stared at the glittery dust particles that rose and fell in waves around Asha's head, partially silhouetting it in a halo of shimmering light.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night

“The fear of discovering his anger towards his father made his body shake.”
― Shani Mootoo, Cereus Blooms at Night