Robert Page > Quotes

“While most people have the ability to cope with contradictions and grey areas, a BP sees only good or evil and has no memory of previously assigning one label to a person while in the clutch of the polar opposite. The BP exists in an all-or-nothing world. As the husband of a BP, you are both her savior and destroyer. But not at the same time. Unlike you,”
― Robert Page, BPD from the Husband's POV: The Roses and Rage of My Wife’s Borderline Personality Disorder

“You’re left spinning in a blur of ups and downs, not sure which extreme you should believe, or perhaps neither. Splitting”
― Robert Page, BPD from the Husband's POV: The Roses and Rage of My Wife’s Borderline Personality Disorder

“According to Stop Walking on Eggshells, a BP experiencing this symptom will feel the following: --There is “nothing to me” --They are different people depending on who they are with --Being alone leaves them without a sense of self --They are dependent on others for cues about how to behave, what to think, and how to be”
― Robert Page, Could Your Spouse Have Borderline Personality Disorder?: Understanding the Roses and Rage of BPD

“The emptiness a BP feels is far more profound than what you and I experience. While we can hopefully convince ourselves that our feelings of emptiness are temporary, and therefore manageable, the BP considers them hopeless and infinite. In all-or-nothing fashion, they have a nearly impossible time seeing beyond the gloom until their mood swings the other way. Mistrust As you can imagine, if your spouse is constantly terrified of abandonment, they may not be able trust you. Trying to tell a BP that you love them is like quenching their thirst with an eyedropper. The moment you give them a drop, they immediately crave more. When you balk at delivering an endless supply, they mistrust your motives and attack you.”
― Robert Page, Could Your Spouse Have Borderline Personality Disorder?: Understanding the Roses and Rage of BPD

“For reasons that are unclear, the BP doesn’t develop in the same way. Their self-image stopped forming before it was able to fully take hold. I know this is difficult for a non-BP to grasp, but try to consider how terrifying it must feel to not be sure that you exist except for how others see you. Take away “others” and what happens to a BP? Poof! They see themselves as obliterated.”
― Robert Page, Could Your Spouse Have Borderline Personality Disorder?: Understanding the Roses and Rage of BPD

“It took me years to grapple with the concept that most of my wife’s bizarre actions were beyond her control. She was not able to make any other decision at the time other than the one that was usually the most counterintuitive and destructive. At her worst, the BPD was in a position of absolute dominance over her.”
― Robert Page, BPD from the Husband's POV: The Roses and Rage of My Wife’s Borderline Personality Disorder

“Talking to a BP in this state is incredibly confusing for a spouse. Attempts to address recent conflicts or bad behavior are met with blank stares or even complete denial. The BP can, at least temporarily, rewrite their history to conveniently omit the negative bits. To you and me, it appears that the BP is flagrantly lying. We ask ourselves, “How could they not remember the awful things that were said and done?” Surely, the BP is playing a game, right?”
― Robert Page, Could Your Spouse Have Borderline Personality Disorder?: Understanding the Roses and Rage of BPD

“After several of these counseling sessions, she would become enflamed at me for sharing negative descriptions of our marriage. Remember, a BP doesn’t accept shades of gray. If I insult any part of our union, she interprets this as a statement that I don’t love anything about”
― Robert Page, Could Your Spouse Have Borderline Personality Disorder?: Understanding the Roses and Rage of BPD

“And the horrible insanity of all the lost hours and days spent arguing is that it turns out nothing on the “list” actually mattered. It was all just a redirection of the real problem. But we’ll fight to our last breath over thing 1, forever convinced that our BP wife is actually mad about the thing she says she’s mad about.”
― Robert Page, BPD from the Husband's POV: The Roses and Rage of My Wife’s Borderline Personality Disorder