Louisa Masters > Quotes

“I never fuck up,” I declare indignantly. “Sometimes my genius just gets distracted.”
― Louisa Masters, One Bite With a Vampire

“Sweet baby Jesus,” I whisper.
Andrew rolls his eyes. “I keep telling you, Noah, he was just some random do-gooder sorcerer. Look him up in the archives—by all accounts, he was a nice guy, but he came really close to outing the community with his insistence on helping humans.”
“Forget about history,” Alistair insists. “I want to hear more about this porn party. Exactly what does it involve?”
With a shrug, Andrew finally moves away from the door toward his desk. “Well, there are different kinds. The most fun include sex, of course. But since I have no desire to get naked with David—”
“Hey!” David exclaims, then shakes his head. “Why am I complaining about that?”
― Louisa Masters, One Bite With a Vampire

“Age is relative, Noah. You have to find the fun in life or it’s not worth living.”
― Louisa Masters, One Bite With a Vampire

“I don’t know if it’s the bed or the knowledge that Andrew’s wards are top-notch or what, but when I finally do manage to get to sleep, I don’t wake up until morning. If I’m having nightmares, they’re polite enough to disperse before I can remember them. It’s amazing. Sleep is amazing. I recommend it. Five stars.”
― Louisa Masters, One Bite With a Vampire

“I can pack up some cookies for you to take with you, if you like,” I offer faintly, because what else do you do when faced with a six-foot-three government agent who can shift into a giant dog and whines because his team administrator doesn’t bake cookies?”
― Louisa Masters, Naughty Neil

“He’s what?” “Pot,” Norval repeats importantly. “It means he’s attracted to people, not their genders.” I cough to cover my laugh. “Ohhhhhh,” Hattie says. “You mean pan.” “I’m sure it’s pot.”
― Louisa Masters, Vortex Conundrum

“A low-key distraction,” I rush to add. “No glitter. Or dildos.” “You’re leaving too much off that list, David,” Sam admonishes, turning to Alistair. “No smoke, bubble, or laser light machines. No flash mobs. No fireworks or explosives of any kind.”
― Louisa Masters, Sorcerers Always Satisfy

“Is this where I’m not supposed to notice that you’re naked in Andrew’s bed?” David asks, amusement rife in his voice. “Am I?” I fake amazement. “Wow, that teleportation thing is even more complicated than we thought! It moved me from my room and stole my clothes.”
― Louisa Masters, One Bite With a Vampire

“So Connor’s a demon hunter, Gabe’s a door bouncer at the club called Earth, Skye can talk to spirits, and Josh talks to ghosts. And Marc over there is a demon who once tried to kill Connor, and more recently mind-controlled Skye’s mom.”
― Louisa Masters, Gateway Catastrophe

“I shoo them, both protesting, toward the door and finally get them out. I shut the door in their faces, engage all the locks and the chain (not that it would do any good if Alistair decided to come back in) and finally lean back against the door in relief.”
― Louisa Masters, Demons Do It Better

“I can’t fucking believe he wants to organize my dildos. He shrugs. “Okay. If you decide you want them arranged by frequency of use, that’s fine too.” Then, shocking me so much I lose the power of speech, he winks and adds, “I noticed the grip on the demon one is starting to get worn. You might need to replace it. Though, you should know that there’s no substitute for the real thing.”
― Louisa Masters, Demons Do It Better

“That was close,” Andrew says when they’re gone. “I love Sam, but since he stabbed Alistair with that pencil, I’ve been afraid to turn my back to him.” Since he… “I’m sorry, what?”
― Louisa Masters, Sorcerers Always Satisfy

“When a member of the community and a human procreate (it is possible, though even more difficult than for the community in general, and they already have a low fertility rate), the baby is never human. The other species always breeds true—and I don’t just mean that the child inherits those traits. There is no human genetic matter at all. All the research I’ve read seems to indicate that it’s a result of magic—that since community population is so much lower than human, it’s magic’s way of ensuring the other species aren’t bred out of existence.”
― Louisa Masters, Demons Do It Better

“Hugs are amazing. A genuine hug from a friend has the kind of power no mage will ever be able to harness.”
― Louisa Masters, Grave Situation

“I give up and smirk at them. “That’s right. You smell icing. And peppermint cookies. Cranberry and white chocolate cookies. And vanilla cookies—made with real vanilla bean. I ate them all, nearly two dozen of them, and some I crumbled onto the body of the superhot incubus I spent the day with and ate them off him. Because my life is just that great, bitches.”
― Louisa Masters, Naughty Neil

“I guess some things, like stupidity, cross the species barrier.”
― Louisa Masters, Demons Do It Better

“His sigh is frustrated. “Of course there are. People who think they know better than thousands of years of research and insist on risking their children.” “Like human anti-vaxxers,” I mutter. I guess some things, like stupidity, cross the species barrier.”
― Louisa Masters, Demons Do It Better

“How much coffee has he had today?” I murmur to Noah, who shakes his head vehemently. “We don’t ask those sorts of questions,” he hisses.”
― Louisa Masters, Sorcerers Always Satisfy

“Why are you frowning?” he asks. “I thought you’d be pleased to know you hadn’t fucked up.” “I never fuck up,” I declare indignantly. “Sometimes my genius just gets distracted.”
― Louisa Masters, Hidden Species: The Complete Series

“I’ll listen, but no promises. The last time I said yes with no limitations, I ended up helping to babysit two-year-old hellhound triplets.”
― Louisa Masters, One Bite With a Vampire

“There’s something about you that makes me think of puppies, and I love puppies. Come on in.”
― Louisa Masters, Naughty Neil

“Come on, puny human! You don’t have that many years left in your life that you can waste them like this!” The shout echoes down the hallway and into the room, and I’m pretty sure everyone on the floor—or at least in the immediate area—heard it. Sam closes his eyes. I don’t think I have enough fucks left to waste on that guy.”
― Louisa Masters, One Bite With a Vampire

“I steer in that direction as Sam says, “No more using the words sex, or come, or porn, or any variation on that theme while you’re in a public place. Use a substitute word instead.” “Like what?” I begin scanning my items. Since nobody’s close enough to see, I go a little faster than a human could. “I don’t know… what about… lamp.” Clearly he’s getting inspiration from his living room décor. “Do you really think me saying ‘I want to lamp him all night long’ is better, Sam?” I ask dryly. “Or ‘I want to lamp in his hair’?”
― Louisa Masters, Hijinks With a Hellhound

“I’ve never really understood the concept of Christmas. I know it’s part of one of their religions, and I think this is the one that’s all tangled up in a sorcerer who pretended to be the “son of god” in an attempt to teach humans to behave better, but then where does the fat guy in the red suit come into it? And why are humans teaching their children that home invasion is something to look forward to?”
― Louisa Masters, Naughty Neil

“I’ve been in a relationship with Wil for four thousand years. He’s the love of my life, and I’m afraid every day that someone will use that love against us both.”
― Louisa Masters, Zachary

“Ian, thankfully, doesn’t bother to attempt small talk, instead putting the radio on, and we pass the drive listening to music and ignoring each other. If this is what friendship could be like, I’d gladly make a hundred human friends.”
― Louisa Masters, Higher Demon

“I managed to get Caleb to give me a copy of the spreadsheet, and let’s just say that my horror at the names that are on it knows no bounds. All three of my sisters, for starters, plus James and Caleb’s two cousins and mum’s ninety-six-year-old next-door neighbour. The mind boggles—although it does explain some of the comments they’ve made over the years.”
― Louisa Masters, Fake It 'Til You Make It

“Do you have some locked in your basement or something? Because I gotta tell you, Sam frowns on that kind of thing.” Sometimes I wonder if my aunt dropped him on his head when he was a baby. And then stepped on him a few times.”
― Louisa Masters, Asher

“Cato is the higher demon who currently holds power in our world. His focus is primarily on his own perverted pleasures, so he leaves those of us with power of our own alone, for the most part. Those who have no power, however, are at the mercy of his whims.”
― Louisa Masters, Gateway Catastrophe

“but when I finally do manage to get to sleep, I don’t wake up until morning. If I’m having nightmares, they’re polite enough to disperse before I can remember them. It’s amazing. Sleep is amazing. I recommend it. Five stars.”
― Louisa Masters, One Bite With a Vampire