Shannon Ryan > Quotes

“I know there are evil things in this world. The trick is to notice them when they are standing right in front of you.”
― Shannon Ryan, Minion of Evil

“Nick loved his cousins, they were family after all, and according to his mother, you have to love family. Over the years, he had also noticed that the less he saw them, the more lovable they became. He would really love them if they moved to California.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“You do realize that the Cold War is over, right?” Okay, he’d let the first reference to communism go, but this was just ridiculous. Uncle Earl pointed at Nick. “Don’t you believe a word of it. That’s just what they want you to think.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“I know your values are all European…” Nick’s mother had taught him that Europe was a lawless land of heathenism. “…but we Americans get nervous around frontal male nudity.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“If you started with a beautiful woman and took away the fancy clothes and jewelry, took away the hairstyle, makeup, and perfume, all you would be left with was a gorgeous, naked woman.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“Church of Great Savings, Disposable Exorcism Kit. Fun for the whole family!”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“Then again, the middle of the woods did seem more like the place to find nature spirits than demons. Demons would probably be more at home at insurance companies, or maybe telemarketing offices.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“Nick’s mother bowed her head. “Oh, heavenly Father, thank you for the food you have brought to this table at the lowest prices available anywhere. Let it sustain us as we go forth and make more heavenly purchases in your name.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“Uncle Earl had exiled Nick from the parlor for playing his Gameboy, believing Tetris to be part of a communist plot and refusing to allow it in his presence.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“Do you have any idea why a demon would visit your house? Have you been dabbling in the occult, fornicating, listening to Lady Gaga?”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“It is often said that small decisions can nudge events one way or another, setting off a chain of reactions that ends in a spectacular result. A butterfly flaps its wings in China, and suddenly there’s a hole in the moon, or the Universe explodes. Some people call this the Butterfly Effect. Some people don’t.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“The minister wore a bright orange track suit with black piping and a large gold cross on the front. It made him look like a very religious basketball. “Good”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“A seven-foot tall, Technicolor statue of Jesus stood in the center of the storeroom. The savior had a big grin on his face. He held two shopping bags in one hand and a large fan of money in the other. He stood upon a stone into which was carved, “The Son of Man is come to seek and to save.”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More

“When the reverend finished with the sales, he gave the church an update on his ever-continuing fight with the IRS. It included several references to Washington D.C. as a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah. This gave Nick pause. Surely Washington couldn’t embody both Sodom and Gomorrah. Maybe Sodom could be Washington, and Gomorrah could be Baltimore?”
― Shannon Ryan, Panic No More