Jennifer Cook O'Toole > Quotes

“Do what others expect, and the reward is that you are accepted by the group. Do it any other way, and people (kids and adults) feel threatened, uncomfortable, even embarrassed or scared. So they freak. And all sorts of lousy consequences—bullying, teasing, practical jokes, etc.—act like a punishment. “Get in line or else” is the basic message. And it doesn’t change as you grow up.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

“trying to be perfect is the most imperfect goal imaginable. It’s”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

“We are not psychopaths. We are not monsters. We just figure things out differently. Do you know more than one route to the supermarket? If there were an intersection blocked off, could you get to work an alternate way? And if you did-would you not still be at work? Could you not still buy groceries? How you get there doesn't matter. It's whether you get there. And dang it all, people: we get there.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum

“My son has a T-shirt that says, “Discipline doesn’t cure Asperger’s. But thanks for your concern.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, Asperkids: An Insider's Guide to Loving, Understanding and Teaching Children with Asperger Syndrome

“Having dignity means that you will NOT cooperate with anything or anyone that humiliates you.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

“Good leaders are not always the people who have collected the most facts or put in the most time; they don’t waste time showing why they are right. The best leaders can listen to others’ ideas, respect and include them, and never ever say, “You’re wrong.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

“Just imagine moving to some other country and being expected to speak their language, know the customs and follow every one of their super-complicated laws—without anyone ever explaining them to you. And if you mess up, you could (and probably would) get fired, be laughed at, left out, bullied, or even arrested. Would that be fair? Of course not. But that’s what it’s like for us, trying to follow a set of hidden social rules without the rule book.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

“Do what others expect, and the reward is that you are accepted by the group. Do it any other way, and people (kids and adults) feel threatened, uncomfortable, even embarrassed or scared.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

“One candle doesn't lose it's flame by lighting another.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum

“A good apology says what went wrong, which feelings got hurt, and what should’ve happened instead.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

“You don’t have to solve the other person’s problem; in fact, you shouldn’t. Remember, we are trying to step OUT of that awful “know-it-all” or “bossy” role. Often, people talk just because they trust you to listen, not because they want a solution. Your goal is to be that mirror—to reflect, not to judge or give advice. So don’t give your opinion unless asked. Instead…show that you believe in others’ ability to solve problems.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

“So, yes, please. Patience. And one more thing: when in doubt about me, default to kindness.”
― Jennifer Cook O'Toole, Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum