Bathroom Readers' Institute > Quotes

“Never test the depth of a river with both feet.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” —Marilyn Monroe”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader

“Make the right decision even when nobody is looking. Especially when no one is looking.” —Oprah Winfrey”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Canoramic Bathroom Reader

“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” —Matthew 5:9”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.” —Omar Bradley”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“They said this mystery never shall cease; the priest promotes war, and the soldier peace.” —William Blake”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“A coward dies a thousand deaths . . . a soldier dies but once.” —Tupac Shakur”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“The world’s oldest person, Jeanne Calment of France, lived to be 122 years old. Until she was 119, she ate nearly two pounds of chocolate every week. (Results not typical.)”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader

“There never was a good war or a bad peace.” —Benjamin Franklin”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“We have a complete business plan that aims to yield investors 1,000% returns within only a five-year period. We have all the pieces in place; the only missing piece is YOU! We are looking for a very motivated scientist who has experience in teleportation research and/or technology. Send a resume and any other information that may set you apart from other teleportation scientists.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's 24-Karat Gold Bathroom Reader

“Dorothy Parker on Ayn Rand: “Atlas Shrugged is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader

“Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn’t have as many monuments to unveil.” —Frank McKinney Hubbard”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“When elephants fight, the grass gets hurt. —East African”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Nature Calls

“You can’t say civilization don’t advance . . . in every war they kill you a new way.” —Will Rogers”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader

“War loses a great deal of its romance after a soldier has seen his first battle.” —John Singleton Mosby, 1887”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito.” —Betty Reese”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Nature Calls

“The cure for anything is salt water—sweat, tears, or the sea.” —Isak Dinesen”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Nature Calls

“Now Parker instructed his soldiers, “Stand your ground; don’t fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“One man with courage makes a majority.” —Andrew Jackson”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops on everything, and then leaves.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader The World's Gone Crazy: 432 All-New Pages of the Strangest, Most Outrageous Stuff You'll Ever Read

“There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. True courage is facing danger when you are afraid.” —L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Nature Calls

“50 light years from Earth, there is a 2,600-mile-long asteroid made of diamond.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader

“A distraught man goes to his doctor and says, “Doc, there’s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my butt!” The doctor asks him to drop his pants and examines him. The man asks, “Doc, is it serious?!” The doctor replies, “Sorry to tell you this, but it’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader

“refuses to touch the ground-floor button in elevators and loathes shaking hands with people, especially teachers. “According to a new study, teachers have the”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader: Germophobia

“ROBERT H. COBB. In the 1930s, the hot restaurant for anyone in the movie industry was the Hollywood Brown Derby, located at North Vine Street. Owner Robert Cobb claimed to have invented the restaurant’s signature dish in 1935, and named it after himself: the Cobb Salad. (A more likely scenario: the chefs at the Brown Derby invented it.) The original Cobb consisted of a mixture of greens (iceberg lettuce, watercress, chicory, and romaine), topped with diced chicken breast, tomatoes, avocado, chopped bacon, hard-boiled eggs, chives, and Roquefort cheese, served with a red wine vinaigrette. The Brown Derby closed in 1985 (Cobb died in 1970), by which time they’d sold more than four million Cobb Salads.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader

“MOO: In 2012 a cow named Darcy walked up to a McDonald’s drive-through window and just stood there. Her owner—Sandy Winn of Brush, Colorado—told police that Darcy had walked the half-mile to the McDonald’s because she “just likes attention.” MOO: Why did a cow climb five sets of stairs in an apartment building in Lesogorsk, Russia, in 2012? She was running away from an excited bull that was chasing her through a field. According to reports, the frightened cow “had to be lassoed and virtually dragged to the lobby while mooing in protest.” MOO: In 2011 a two-year-old boy named Tha Sophat got sick while staying at his grandfather’s farm in Thailand. He wouldn’t eat or drink, and his condition worsened…until he began suckling milk straight from the cow’s udder. The cow didn’t seem to mind, and after a month of nursing, Tha was better. “The neighbors say he will be ashamed when he grows up,” the grandpa told Reuters. “But his health is fine. He is strong and he doesn’t have diarrhea.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader

“We have fallen upon evil times and the world has waxed very old and wicked. Politics are very corrupt. Children are no longer respectful to their parents.” —King Naram-Sin, 3800 BC”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Greatest Know on Earth Bathroom Reader: Curiosities, Rarities & Amazing Oddities

“DADDY?”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's New & Improved Briefs: Fast Facts, Terse Trivia & Astute Articles

“Any nation that does not honor its heroes will not long endure.” —Abraham Lincoln”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces