Bathroom Readers' Institute > Quotes

“Never test the depth of a river with both feet.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” —Marilyn Monroe”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader

“Make the right decision even when nobody is looking. Especially when no one is looking.” —Oprah Winfrey”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Canoramic Bathroom Reader

“Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.” —Omar Bradley”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” —Matthew 5:9”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“They said this mystery never shall cease; the priest promotes war, and the soldier peace.” —William Blake”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“When elephants fight, the grass gets hurt. —East African”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Nature Calls

“Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn’t have as many monuments to unveil.” —Frank McKinney Hubbard”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“Dorothy Parker on Ayn Rand: “Atlas Shrugged is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader

“You can’t say civilization don’t advance . . . in every war they kill you a new way.” —Will Rogers”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader

“War loses a great deal of its romance after a soldier has seen his first battle.” —John Singleton Mosby, 1887”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito.” —Betty Reese”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Nature Calls

“We have a complete business plan that aims to yield investors 1,000% returns within only a five-year period. We have all the pieces in place; the only missing piece is YOU! We are looking for a very motivated scientist who has experience in teleportation research and/or technology. Send a resume and any other information that may set you apart from other teleportation scientists.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's 24-Karat Gold Bathroom Reader

“There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. True courage is facing danger when you are afraid.” —L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Nature Calls

“There never was a good war or a bad peace.” —Benjamin Franklin”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“The cure for anything is salt water—sweat, tears, or the sea.” —Isak Dinesen”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Nature Calls

“The world’s oldest person, Jeanne Calment of France, lived to be 122 years old. Until she was 119, she ate nearly two pounds of chocolate every week. (Results not typical.)”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader

“Now Parker instructed his soldiers, “Stand your ground; don’t fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“On December 19, 1843, a slim, gilt-edged book, A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens, appeared in London bookshops. In that same year, no one wished each other a Merry Christmas. They’d probably never even heard the phrase. And Christmas itself had long since waned. Oliver Cromwell and his Puritans considered it a pagan holiday and in the 1640s began to pass various acts to restrict the celebration of Christmas. Even after the monarchy was restored in 1660 and many of the laws repealed, Christmas had been delivered a severe setback.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute

“One man with courage makes a majority.” —Andrew Jackson”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops on everything, and then leaves.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader The World's Gone Crazy: 432 All-New Pages of the Strangest, Most Outrageous Stuff You'll Ever Read

“A coward dies a thousand deaths . . . a soldier dies but once.” —Tupac Shakur”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“Computers break down. A lot. Especially if you’ve got an old one that doesn’t work so good anymore and you have to shut programs down when that beach ball keeps spinning or that hourglass never disappears. So what do you do? You hit those three “shutdown instantly” buttons, all at the same time: control + alt + delete.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions: Bizarre Gadgets You Can't Live Without

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” —The Dalai Lama”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader

“It is always easy to begin a war, but very difficult to stop one, since its beginning and end are not under the control of the same man.” —Sallust, 86–34 BC”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces

“A distraught man goes to his doctor and says, “Doc, there’s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my butt!” The doctor asks him to drop his pants and examines him. The man asks, “Doc, is it serious?!” The doctor replies, “Sorry to tell you this, but it’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader

“You are the CEO of your life. Some people need to be hired and some need to be fired.” —Robert Downey Jr.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's Greatest Know on Earth Bathroom Reader: Curiosities, Rarities & Amazing Oddities

“DADDY?”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John's New & Improved Briefs: Fast Facts, Terse Trivia & Astute Articles

“…bitter taste receptors are dulled on food hotter than 95 degrees.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, Uncle John’s Truth, Trivia, and the Pursuit of Factiness Bathroom Reader