Meg Gardiner > Quotes

“Was it hard to watch people go?
No. Breathing afterward, every day, was harder.”
― Meg Gardiner, The Dirty Secrets Club

“Running cured almost anything. It eased pain; it exhilarated; it served as penance and validation. It turned lone wolf into a compliment. Running was objective – the stop-watch never lied. Races judged competitors on how long and hard they could run fast, not on a coach’s decision to play favorites with the starting lineup. Running was pure.”
― Meg Gardiner, Ransom River

“But fate was a myth constructed by fools—people who gamble or follow horoscopes, who believe the stars rule their lives.”
― Meg Gardiner, UNSUB

“I've been an investigator longer than you've been playing Vulcan Mind Meld with dead people - Tang”
― Meg Gardiner, The Dirty Secrets Club

“The hills of southern Oklahoma slow-rolled across the winter-gold prairie, dipping to rivers and creeks, thick with leafless trees. The road curved through farmland and past a Chickasaw resort and casino.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“The thing was, Zero liked breaking things. He saw no reason why the world should be allowed to stay hole.”
― Meg Gardiner, Phantom Instinct

“Intimidation was a drug. But control was an illusion.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“But Keyes had told her what he thought of PhDs who demanded to be addressed as Doctor: they were hopeless narcissists”
― Meg Gardiner, The Dark Corners of the Night

“God save us from people who think they know what’s best for us.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“They pulled off a twisting country road and bumped along a rutted gravel driveway. Rocky promontories barred their view until they topped a rise and found a half-are property where the cabin faced south, toward the red clay river that lazed across the horizon.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“Fight or flight. when you have to jump, do it.”
― Meg Gardiner

“Did you join the Bureau to get as far from that case as possible?' Rainey said.
'I took this job to make a difference.'
'Honey.' The tries rang on the concrete. 'Course you did. We all did. You can say you love it. You're scared of it. You're proud. You're a badass bitch. Girl Scout with a twelve gauge. Reading psychopaths' minds is your superpower.' She cut a glance Caitlin's way. 'you can dig it.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“Cognitive behavioral therapy had been great—it had quelled any urge to cut herself. For too long, she had ignored the ways the stress of her job might lead her to self-harm. A nightmarish case in Los Angeles had taken her over that edge. In the aftermath, she sought a referral to a stress psychologist. Dr. Silverberg worked with cops and federal agents, military and first responders. Caitlin wasn’t afraid of therapy—she’d had plenty in high school, when cutting seemed badass, seemed goth, when she convinced herself that inflicting pain meant she controlled her fear and despair. Once she sat down in Dr. Silverberg’s office, Caitlin discovered that she was ready to shed some destructive tendencies. It helped that Miriam Silverberg was practical and matter-of-fact. And that cognitive behavioral therapy worked by getting her to recognize negative beliefs about herself, see how they sabotaged her, and jettison them.”
― Meg Gardiner, Shadowheart

“A shiver climbed Caitlin’s arms. She hated having a doorway behind her. Even though the team had cleared the hall, a door always felt like a hungry mouth at her back. And the window opened to darkness. To anyone outside, she and Marston were brightly lit targets.”
― Meg Gardiner, UNSUB

“The Christmas tree was a dark pyramid in the living room corner. Presents hid beneath it, wrapping paper quicksilver in the moonlight. He absorbed the stillness. An electric hiss seemed to saturate the air.”
― Meg Gardiner, The Dark Corners of the Night

“She didn't want to wait. Didn't want caution, or care, or tender exploration. She needed touch, sensation, raw blank sex to overwhelm her circuits. She held on to him, and they were all arms and elbows and grasping hands...She didn't want to talk-to talk would be to break the spell, the new thing that was happening, herself coming back into the world, with another damaged person as her guide.”
― Meg Gardiner, Phantom Instinct

“Crying Call nestled in a river gorge, with raw peas on either side. The red stone, the dark green of the pines, the white glaze of snow, and the arching, varnished sky spread around her. She stopped at the overlook and inhaled it al. Her heart was pounding, but with life. A hawk swooped past, screeching.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“If you spot anything out of the ordinary, something that seems wrong, I urge you to contact the sheriff’s department. Anything that could relate to the missing victims. Discarded items of clothing. Shoes, purses . . .” Brittany took a step back and snapped her fingers. “Shiner. Drop it.” The dog let the cloth fall to the porch. Brittany swallowed and clutched Tanner tight. “Shiner. Inside.” The dog ran into the kitchen. Brittany followed, bolted the door, and found her phone. In the background, the FBI agent’s voice cut the air. With shaky fingers, Brittany called 911. “I need the police. My dog just brought home half a shirt. And it’s covered in blood.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“She thought of the FBI Crime Classification Manual: Mercy/ Hero Homicide. Mercy killers murdered in the genuine belief that they were relieving their victims’ suffering. Hero killers recklessly committed homicide by inducing a crisis so they could save the day. They were firefighters who set a blaze, then arrived to fight it. They were nurses who caused patients to code, so they could revive them. They reveled in the rush and the praise that came from bringing people back from the brink. When they botched it, their victims died.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“She felt a pang, a deep wish for the bay, the soaring towers of the bridge, the sunlight skipping across ten thousand whitecaps between the Golden Gate and Alcatraz. She wanted the scent of the Pacific and the beauty of the cities and the mountains, and her man. She closed her eyes.
She opened them and felt small, surrounded by the sweep of the continent. The sky was vast. It was glorious and terrifying.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“The chill of the rain disappeared. The rain itself seemed to evaporate. The fatigue vanished. The night. Everything distilled to the brilliant pulsing bead of glass pain she herself had given rise to. She felt exhilaration and relief. She felt soothed and punished. She felt control.”
― Meg Gardiner, The Dark Corners of the Night

“Signature, clearly. Elaborate and specific.” Caitlin said, “Staged by a man who looks like Mr. Ordinary. Somebody who keeps the monster in a mental cage.” “And when he unlocks it, he kills,” Emmerich said. “Viciously. He’s a grandiose narcissist. His rage and sense of entitlement drive him to destroy the happiness of others.” Caitlin stuck her hands in her back pockets. “He’s got to have burning memories of rejection that stoke him. Convince him his actions are justified. Women hurt him, so he hurts women.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“Ligature marks,” she said. “Skin irritation. Duct tape.” Detective Berg knelt beside the body. “It’s Phoebe Canova.” Caitlin stepped back mentally, seeing the victim’s body in its entirety. Her field of vision continued to expand. Then goose bumps rose. Around Phoebe’s body, maybe six feet away, photos were stuck in the ground like headstones. They were Polaroids. Caitlin stepped back physically. The photos showed women in white nightgowns. They were blond. Some were alive and terrified. Most were dead. Rainey spoke in a low voice. “Holy Jesus. How long has this guy been killing?” Caitlin counted the photos. There were twelve.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“And before you ask, stress management doesn’t just mean going for runs with Michele or consciously separating myself from the people I investigate and the people they hurt. It means accepting that I can’t fix the world or rescue everyone.”
― Meg Gardiner, Shadowheart

“The concept behind behavioral analysis arose from a surprisingly straightforward insight: The criminal and victim must inevitably cross paths. When they do, at the crime scene, the offender’s conduct leaves behind clues that reveal his psychology, his personality, and, inevitably, his identity. He might leave evidence or take evidence with him. Might pose victims’ bodies, comb their hair, masturbate, cover their faces with a blanket. Bite them. Help himself to a beer.”
― Meg Gardiner, The Dark Corners of the Night

“Hunting serial predators was what Caitlin did. The more challenging and urgent the case, the more dangerous the UNSUB, the hotter her blood sang. The clearer her vision became. The wider awake she grew. The work was important. It kept people alive. It put killers in prison.”
― Meg Gardiner, The Dark Corners of the Night

“You were young,” Rainey said. “Of course you expected to escape. That kind of luck can convince you you’re immortal.” Caitlin touched her right arm, where the tattoo read, the whole sky. Rainey didn’t know about its meaning to her. It was a line from Rita Dove’s poem “Dawn Revisited.” The whole sky is yours to write on, blown open”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“Caitlin felt a surge of excitement. But five minutes later, Rainey read through the records and shook her head. “Eight years’ active duty, multiple deployments, Purple Heart, honorable discharge—he’s not the UNSUB.” “Why not?” Caitlin said. “The UNSUB loves violence. Multiple deployments to active war zones would give him cover to commit atrocities.” “Our UNSUB loves violence he can control. And war is never controllable.” Rainey’s voice had a harsh edge. “He loves violence he can inflict, against people who are in no position to fight back. The United States has a volunteer army—people join knowing they might go into harm’s way. The UNSUB wouldn’t touch that with a tent pole.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“Then she stepped through the door....She stopped so hard that Rainey bumped into her from behind. She went cold. If she'd been a dog, she would have dug her paws in and laid her ears flat and backed out, growling.”
― Meg Gardiner, Into the Black Nowhere

“It took her longer to find out that Oscar Sierra was absorbing every scrap of information from his environment, then running it through some mental algorithm that helped him figure out how to survive in hostile, unloving territory.”
― Meg Gardiner, Phantom Instinct