Timur Vermes > Quotes

“What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper, as if they have been up for three hours and already conquered France.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“To begin with I thought we were driving around in circles until I realised that Herr Starbuck owned dozens of coffee houses.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“We all know, of course, what to make of our newspapers. The deaf man writes down what the blind man has told him, the village idiot edits it, and their colleagues in the other press houses copy it. Each story is doused afresh with the same stagnant infusion of lies, so that the “splendid” brew can then be served up to a clueless Volk.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“Aber man weiß ja, was man von unseren Zeitungen zu halten hat. Da notiert der Schwerhörige, was ihm der Blinde berichtet, der Dorftrottel korrigiert es, und die Kollegen in den anderen Pressehäusern schreiben es ab.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“He looked confused. “With your girlfriend, I mean. Who was to blame?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Ultimately Churchill, I expect.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“It came as no surprise to learn of the success the Swede has recently enjoyed with his furniture. In that rotten state of his the Swede is permanently on the lookout for firewood, so it is no wonder that from time to time this might result in the odd table or chair.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“One never knows when and why such people start talking; frequently they only open their mouths because they realize they haven’t said anything yet, or because they’re worried that if they continue to remain silent they will be regarded as insignificant.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“Germans today keep their waste more thoroughly separated than their races.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“In Berlin I have time and again met people who make no secret of the fact that their only reason for stirring at such an ungodly hour of the morning is so that they can leave the office earlier in the afternoon. I have suggested to several of these eight-hour logicians that they ought to start work at ten o’clock at night, thereby allowing them to leave at six in the morning and perhaps even arrive home before it is time to get up.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“The telephone, it struck me at that moment, is the wrong means of communication for people without ears.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“Had I known back then just how cheap it was to employ Poles, I might as well have leapfrogged their country.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“And oh, how a warrior drunk on victory can enchant a young woman.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“But with superior morale, with an unwavering, fanatical spirit, everything is possible!”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“Es war nicht alles schlecht.”
― Timur Vermes

“Os erros não existem para serem lamentados mas sim para não serem repetidos.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“In my opinion, only bakers need to work early in the morning. And the Gestapo, of course—that is self-evident. To tear the Bolshevist rabble from their beds, so long as they are not Bolshevist bakers. For they would already be awake, and thus the Gestapo, for their part, would have to get up even earlier, and so on and so forth.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“And as for appearing in swimming trunks—well, that is the most preposterous thing imaginable. You couldn’t dissuade Mussolini from doing it. And more recently that suspect Russian leader has been doing it too. An interesting fellow, no question, but as far as I am concerned it is a foregone conclusion: the moment a politician removes his shirt, his policies are dead in the water. All he will say is, “Look, my dear fellow countrymen, I have made the most extraordinary discovery: my policies look better without a shirt on.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“Silence is often underestimated”
― Timur Vermes

“We all know, of course, what to make of our newspapers. The deaf man writes down what the blind man has told him, the village idiot edits it, and their colleagues in the other press houses copy it.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“A large number of people had already gathered in the city centre to demonstrate against the government. Seemingly it had occurred to no-one to opt for the most obvious solution – stormtroopers.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“the moment a politician removes his shirt, his policies are dead in the water. All he will say is, “Look, my dear fellow countrymen, I have made the most extraordinary discovery: my policies look better without a shirt on.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“Wherever there is a large motorway enabling the transport of ton after ton of German goods, you will inevitably find a sweet little rabbit trembling by the roadside.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“Someone with whom I was unacquainted had turned to me with a military problem, and as I was currently without a state to govern I decided to lend my comrade my support. Thus I spent the following three and a half hours engaged in a naval exercise by the name of “Minesweeper.”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“We all know, of course, what to make of our newspapers. The deaf man writes down what the blind man has told him, the village idiot edits it, and their colleagues in the other press houses copy it. Each”
― Timur Vermes, Look Who's Back

“Na, mein Führer, wie war die Nacht?”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“Dieser Starbuck kann nicht überall zugleich kochen. Niemand weiß, von wem der Kaffee kommt, wir wissen nur: Der Starbuck, der war es nicht.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“Am meisten ärgert mich an diesen Morgenmenschen diese entsetzliche gute Laune, als wären sie bereits drei Stunden wach und hätten da schon Frankreich überrannt.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“Great art must not be sullied by politics. One would never, after all, seek to embellish the Mona Lisa, not even with a swastika.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“One must undertake everything with utter, fanatical determination. Or one will get nowhere.”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da

“Wolln Se ´nen bestimmten Klingelton?", hatte Fräulein Krömeier gefragt. "Ich doch nicht", hatte ich spottend erwidert, "ich arbeite doch nicht in einem Großraumbüro!" "Na ja, dann mache ich halt den normalen rein." Daraufhin hörte man ein Geräusch, das klang, als spielte ein betrunkenener Clown Xylophon. Wieder und wieder. "Was ist denn das?", fragte ich entsetzt". "Det is ihr Telefon", sagte Fräulein Krömeier und fügte hinzu: "meen Führa!" "Und das klingt so?" "Nur, wenn et klingelt." "Machen sie das aus! Ich will nicht, dass die Leute mich für einen Idioten halten!”
― Timur Vermes, Er ist wieder da