Jenn Cooksey > Quotes

“Tristan’s Mom: What are these?
Tristan: Your granddaughters.
Tristan’s Dad: Don’t worry honey, you don’t look old enough to be a mother let alone a
grandmother.
Tristan’s Mom: Again with the flattery, thank you dear. Where did they come from?
Tristan: Camie gave birth last night.
Jeff: I didn’t know she was pregnant.
Tristan: She wasn’t. It was a miracle.
Tristan’s Mom: Do they have names?
Tristan: Phineas and Ferb.
Jeff: From the cartoon?
Tristan’s Dad: That figures, he named the dog Scooby.
Tristan’s Mom: They sound like boy names.
Tristan: Mom! Shhh, you’ll give them a complex.
Jeff: If that Ferb one climbs my legs again I’m drop kicking it.
Tristan: That’s child abuse and I’ll press charges. Besides, they just miss their mom.
Jeff: I’m calling CPS (cat protective services)…
Tristan: What for?
Jeff: Because you’re making your kids live in a broken home unnecessarily.
Tristan: I’m not talking to you anymore.
Jeff: Fine, as long as you to talk to her.
Tristan: Back off.
Jeff: Nope, not gonna do it.
Tristan: I’m warning you man.
Jeff: You miss her too.
Tristan: Yeah, so?
Jeff: So do something about it.
Tristan: Happy? Last night was miserable and I think it’s too late.
Jeff: You still have a 12 year old ace in the hole.
Tristan: Saving it as a last resort.
Tristan’s Dad: Honey, do you have a clue as to what they’re talking about?
Tristan’s Mom: No and I don’t want one.
Jeff: I’m just helping my nieces get their parents back together. Dude, it’s time. Make the call.
Tristan: Alright, I did it. But I get the feeling I’m about to do business with the mob. I hope I don’t
wake up with the head of my horse in bed with me tonight.
Jeff: Well, a good father will do anything he can to protect his family, even if that means he runs
the risk of sleeping with the fishes.
Tristan: Okay girls, your aunt helped Daddy come up with a plan and if it works you should get to
see Mommy today. Cross your paws, or claws, or whatever…just cross something for luck.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Shark Bait

“On the wall next to the door we’d entered through was a huge floor-to-ceiling bulletin/whiteboard combo and hanging from a thumbtack on the bulletin board amongst pictures and other various sorts of memorabilia was my bra. It’d been washed but it still had
a good many blotches of pink on it. If that wasn’t shocking enough, the dialogue written over the last two weeks on the whiteboard pertaining to said bra certainly was. I’ll include the copy just so you can truly appreciate what I’m dealing with here.
Tristan’s Mom: What’s this?
Tristan: A size 34B lace covered slingshot.
Jeff: Nice!
Tristan’s Mom: Do I want to know?
Tristan: I don’t know, do you?
Tristan’s Mom: Not really. Are you planning on returning it or did you win some kind of prize?
Tristan: I plead the fifth.
Tristan’s Dad: Well done son.
Jeff: Ditto!
Tristan’s Mom: Don’t encourage him.
Tristan: Gee, thanks Mom.
Tristan’s Dad: Can’t a father be proud of his only child?
Tristan’s Mom: He doesn’t need your help…obviously.
Tristan’s Dad: That’s because he takes after me.
Tristan: Was there anything else I can do for you two?
Tristan’s Mom: Tell her I tried to get the stains out, but I’m afraid they set in before I got to it.
Tristan: I’m sure she’ll appreciate your effort, but if I’m any judge (and I’d like to think I am) its
size has caused it to become obsolete and she needs to trade up.
Jeff: I’m so proud.
Tristan: Thanks man.
Tristan’s Mom: A name would be nice you know.
Tristan: Camie.
Tristan’s Mom: Do we get to meet her?
Tristan: Sure. I’ll have my people call your people and set it up.
Tristan’s Mom: I don’t know why I bother. Do you want anything from the store?
Tristan: Yeah, Camie’s sleeping over tonight and I promised her bacon and eggs for breakfast.
Jeff’s got the eggs covered but could you pick up some bacon for us and maybe a box of Twinkies
for the bus? Thanks, you’re the best.
Jeff: I have the eggs covered?
Tristan’s Dad: He gets his sense of humor from you.
Tristan’s Mom: Flattery will get you everywhere. How would you like your eggs prepared dear?”
― Jenn Cooksey, Shark Bait

“Just so you understand; he's using a scene from Buffy to ask me out!!!!”
― Jenn Cooksey, Shark Bait

“He and I speak the same language...we just have different accents.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Shark Bait

“I love the little kids... they're my minions.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“Taking a deep breath and trying not to reveal my sudden feeling of inadequacy, I was about to come back with a counter offer when a knock on the window startled me and I did what I always do…I squeaked, which Tristan thought was pretty hilarious. And for whatever reason, that embarrassed me. Nooo, not telling a guy I’d need gum in order to give him a blowjob, or being more than half-naked with a guy and almost having sex for the time, nor sitting on said guy’s lap while he has an obvious erection…no, none of that embarrasses me. Nope, squeaking like a timid mouse in front of him…that’s what turns my face bright red. I’m tellin’ ya, I have issues.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Shark Bait

“I’m gonna take a minute here because you seriously need to understand how magnificent this guy is.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Shark Bait

“Uh, hello? I prefer recently reformed promiscuous reprobate. I'm just sayin', if we're gonna name call, let's just make sure we get 'em straight”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“You find out who your real friends are when you call and tell 'em you just accidentally killed a hooker and they show up with a shovel and full tank of gas.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“Bad sex is a fuckin' myth, like a goddamned legendary creature in some fuckin' sappy fairytale.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“Picture Bigfoot with tits, dude...she was fuckin' grisly.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“Okay folks, what we have here is surely a never been seen before event. It looks like Satan herself has been called out by a - hey, how old is that walking corpse?”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“Oh, you know...staring down fear, laughing in the face of death, taking a ride in Hell, and in general, testing the waters of the unknown.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“Thunderdome will never be boring so I'll have fresh battle scars when I die.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“True, but Little Sister is patient and she's always watching.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“I'm totally on Facebook, my alias is Invisible Nightmare.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“eight comes out of freaking nowhere with me suddenly wanting to just kiss his face. A lot. Like, I actually want to make-out with the arrogant son of a bitch.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“They say when you die, your life flashes before your eyes.
It’s true.
Except all I can see is Cole.
Because he was my life.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“it…is the sex that good right now that you could live with never being tempted to dip your wick someplace else?”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“Oh God, my poor baby... she's just as fucked up as I am. I love it!”
― Jenn Cooksey, Shark Out of Water

“But we’re worth it. We’re worth trying.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“One: Enormous relief. Two: Fury. Three: Envy, because he’s got a cigarette and I don’t,”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“Because I want to make love to you for days on end, marry you, and raise a child with you, and not necessarily in that order. And you don’t want to do two out of those three things. From what you said a little while ago anyway. But I didn’t buy it when you said it and I still don’t.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“I said build a wall, not channel your dad!”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“Sugar, feeling the way you do doesn’t make you a monster,” he tells me gently, pausing only to tuck a damp chunk of matted hair behind my ear, “It makes you human.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“Oh by the way, man, don't ever mix turkey and Nyquil together... it's nasty and it doesn't fuckin' work anyway.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Shark Out of Water

“Again, folks, you've been witness to one of the most seldom seen events in history... I'm Chicken Larson saying good night, sleep tight and don't let the boogie man or a suicide blonde getchya.”
― Jenn Cooksey, The Other Fish in the Sea

“Why would I wanna quit? No one likes a quitter and besides,” I take another drag and smile huge so all of my teeth show, “everyone knows guys who smoke are hot and have enormous cocks. You’re just jealous because all the chicks want me.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“I’m letting gravity do its thing.”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide

“The hell? She BETTER fucking remember me!”
― Jenn Cooksey, Landslide