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“The haunting and haunted remnants of an abandoned world. And in Darius’s arms each night, when reason returned and they lay together, drained and weary, Rhys decided there was something inescapably beautiful about the fact that they made these memories in ruined places.”
― Strain
― Strain
“Well, I guess I don't say much, unless I've got something to say. Makes me not a lot of fun at parties. I'm really not great with small talk."
Gavin shrugged. "A lot of people feel like they have to fill every silence with noise, no matter how meaningless. I think it's interesting to find someone who isn't afraid of a little quiet.”
― Inertia
Gavin shrugged. "A lot of people feel like they have to fill every silence with noise, no matter how meaningless. I think it's interesting to find someone who isn't afraid of a little quiet.”
― Inertia
“Whatever happened after, even the loss, my life would be less if I had not had that. On the day I die, my only regret would be if I hadn't had it. If I had been too much a coward to take it while I had a chance.”
― Inertia
― Inertia
“Don’t you see, angel?”
His arms tightened around me. “You’re still on your feet.
You may hate yourself for every little mistake you make, but
the fact that you’ve survived means you’ve come out on top. It
might not be a perfect victory, but those are really, really rare.
Every day you stand up and face life again is a win.”
― Saugatuck Summer
His arms tightened around me. “You’re still on your feet.
You may hate yourself for every little mistake you make, but
the fact that you’ve survived means you’ve come out on top. It
might not be a perfect victory, but those are really, really rare.
Every day you stand up and face life again is a win.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“I don’t know if I’ll ever go through with it. I’m just too much of a perfectionist, I guess.
I’d rather be nothing than be middle-of-the-road.”
She hugged me tightly.
“You’re not middle-of-the-road, Topher. You’re fast lane, all the way. You just, you know, need to find the right car.”
― Saugatuck Summer
I’d rather be nothing than be middle-of-the-road.”
She hugged me tightly.
“You’re not middle-of-the-road, Topher. You’re fast lane, all the way. You just, you know, need to find the right car.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“I don’t know your story, and I’m not going to ask for any more than you want to give. But I know, I can just tell from the way you act, that people have tried to take things from you, tried to take you from you. They tried to take away something amazing, something that deserves more, something that wants to shine. I see it. I see the part they never managed to steal, no matter how hard they tried…Your soul,” he whispered, answering the unspoken inquiry.”
― Saugatuck Summer
― Saugatuck Summer
“Forget that voice that says you're a failure if you can't do it all yourself. Listen to the people who are saying you can for once, instead of all the ones who have told you that you can't.”
― Saugatuck Summer
― Saugatuck Summer
“Gavin's reply was almost too soft to be heard. "That's a crime." "Pardon? What is?" "That you don't get to handle wood as often as you'd like." "Sorry?" Derrick blinked in confusion, missing the innuendo entirely for a split second before his brain made the connection.”
― Impulse: The Complete Trilogy
― Impulse: The Complete Trilogy
“You want to sub, baby, but you've got no idea what it means. When you give someone the power to do what they want to you, you also give them the responsibility of keeping you safe. Otherwise, you can't ever really give in and let go.”
― Risk Aware
― Risk Aware
“Would smashing Lukas's face into the doorjamb as he brushed past count as "sticking together," as long as he didn't let go afterward?”
― Impulse: The Complete Trilogy
― Impulse: The Complete Trilogy
“You ain’t no plastic doll, boy,” he growled, inches away from Rhys’s lips. “You just need to be handled right.”
― Strain
― Strain
“A half-empty bottle of vodka sat on the bedside table, and his sketchbook was open on the king-size bed. Several sketches, only three of which looked finished, were scattered across the bedspread. Clearly he hadn’t been sleeping either.
Swallowing, I picked up the nearest one. A dark-skinned, pale-haired child with an angel’s wings—too old to be a cherub, more like a small boy—stood in the middle of a dark forest, looking around in terror. His hand was outstretched, reaching for a shadow disappearing off the edge of the page, the unknown figure walking away from him, leaving him behind.
I drew a shuddering breath and picked up the next one. In this one, that same angel—now a willowy adolescent, his thin, maturing body draped in the ubiquitous short toga with strapped sandals wound around his ankles—stood with his shoulders hunched in the midst of a crowd of jeering figures. He held an ornate harp cradled protectively against his body, trying to shield it from further harm. Its strings were sprung and its frame cracked and bent.
In the last one, an even more mature version of the angel—now a young man—knelt on one knee in another clearing in the woods. He was bruised and bleeding, his toga torn and stained. He held the bloody, tattered remnants of one of his wings, trying futilely to piece it back together.”
― Saugatuck Summer
Swallowing, I picked up the nearest one. A dark-skinned, pale-haired child with an angel’s wings—too old to be a cherub, more like a small boy—stood in the middle of a dark forest, looking around in terror. His hand was outstretched, reaching for a shadow disappearing off the edge of the page, the unknown figure walking away from him, leaving him behind.
I drew a shuddering breath and picked up the next one. In this one, that same angel—now a willowy adolescent, his thin, maturing body draped in the ubiquitous short toga with strapped sandals wound around his ankles—stood with his shoulders hunched in the midst of a crowd of jeering figures. He held an ornate harp cradled protectively against his body, trying to shield it from further harm. Its strings were sprung and its frame cracked and bent.
In the last one, an even more mature version of the angel—now a young man—knelt on one knee in another clearing in the woods. He was bruised and bleeding, his toga torn and stained. He held the bloody, tattered remnants of one of his wings, trying futilely to piece it back together.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“I’d like to do two sets, if you don’t mind. One nude before we fuck, and another when we’re done.” He pressed close, brushing his lips along my jaw until I turned to welcome the kiss. His voice dropped to a sexy murmur. “I want to capture the look in your eyes, before and after. Hungry, then satisfied.”
― Saugatuck Summer
― Saugatuck Summer
“You race toward something You don’t know what you’ll find But you’ll notice it when you see it You say, “there must be more Out there waiting silently” You know your place But you hate it just the same —Casey Stratton, “Harvest.”
― Saugatuck Summer
― Saugatuck Summer
“The deafening report of the next rocket to go up masked my squeak when his hand slipped into my lap.
“Oh, God.” I gasped, trying to pretend nothing was happening. Nope, absolutely nothing weird about cuddling with a near-stranger in the presence of my secret ex-lover. The pace of the detonations picked up, cloaking my gasps as the flat of his finger and then his palm rubbed up and down the crotch-seam of my jeans.
He brought me right to the quivering brink of blowing my load in my pants, then backed off, cupping his hand almost protectively over the bulge there, covering but not trying to stimulate.
“Here’s how it’s gonna be,” he growled in my ear between booms. “When this is over, we’re going back to my room and I’m going to fuck you until you can’t remember your own name. Then, when you can form words of more than one syllable again and string them reliably together into sentences, you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on here. But get this straight in your head: I. Don’t. Hide. Not from anyone, not for any reason. I don’t care what’s going on, if you expect me to be with you, don’t even think of asking me to pretend I’m not. Got it?”
― Saugatuck Summer
“Oh, God.” I gasped, trying to pretend nothing was happening. Nope, absolutely nothing weird about cuddling with a near-stranger in the presence of my secret ex-lover. The pace of the detonations picked up, cloaking my gasps as the flat of his finger and then his palm rubbed up and down the crotch-seam of my jeans.
He brought me right to the quivering brink of blowing my load in my pants, then backed off, cupping his hand almost protectively over the bulge there, covering but not trying to stimulate.
“Here’s how it’s gonna be,” he growled in my ear between booms. “When this is over, we’re going back to my room and I’m going to fuck you until you can’t remember your own name. Then, when you can form words of more than one syllable again and string them reliably together into sentences, you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on here. But get this straight in your head: I. Don’t. Hide. Not from anyone, not for any reason. I don’t care what’s going on, if you expect me to be with you, don’t even think of asking me to pretend I’m not. Got it?”
― Saugatuck Summer
“I don’t need you to be perfect. I don’t need you to never make mistakes. I just need you to let me give you as much of myself as I can, and to trust that I will try as hard as possible never to hurt you intentionally. Can you do that? Can you just let me love you?”
―
―
“So, okay. He was basically an amalgamation of every redheaded man to ever turn my crank (and how!). And he lived in a popular gay resort town, which meant the chances were above average that he might actually be interested. Watching him trot lightly down those stairs to the beach, I realized what my objective this summer would be.
Agent Carlisle, your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to find out which of these residences belongs to Mr. Strawberry-Blond Hunka Burnin’ Love and convince him to do you on every horizontal surface—and against a few of the vertical ones.”
― Saugatuck Summer
Agent Carlisle, your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to find out which of these residences belongs to Mr. Strawberry-Blond Hunka Burnin’ Love and convince him to do you on every horizontal surface—and against a few of the vertical ones.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“This isn’t a complaint, but I have to ask why you do that.”
“Do what?”
“Touch me like you have every right in the world to. You do it even before it’s a sure thing that I’ll sleep with you.”
“I don’t know.” His voice lifted, sounding slightly puzzled. “I think because whenever you’re within arm’s reach, it seems like my hands would feel more natural on you than they would hanging at my sides.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“Do what?”
“Touch me like you have every right in the world to. You do it even before it’s a sure thing that I’ll sleep with you.”
“I don’t know.” His voice lifted, sounding slightly puzzled. “I think because whenever you’re within arm’s reach, it seems like my hands would feel more natural on you than they would hanging at my sides.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“I had this coming. I just have to take my medicine. I think I’ll spend the weekend brooding about what a shitty friend I am and mourning the loss of the friendship. I might have Ben & Jerry over to keep me company. Or maybe Ernest and Julio Gallo.”
“Hey, no threesomes unless I get to watch.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“Hey, no threesomes unless I get to watch.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“These aren’t me!” I screamed in a whisper, two tears slipping down my cheeks. “Whatever you see, it’s not me. I’m just a fuck-up who doesn’t know anything, not even what he’s doing from moment to moment. And I’m scared all the time, and I don’t know how to be anything else, except maybe angry and sad.”
His arms tightened around me. “I don’t need you to be perfect. I don’t need you to never make mistakes. I just need you to let me give you as much of myself as I can, and to trust that I will try as hard as possible never to hurt you intentionally. Can you do that? Can you just let me love you?”
― Saugatuck Summer
His arms tightened around me. “I don’t need you to be perfect. I don’t need you to never make mistakes. I just need you to let me give you as much of myself as I can, and to trust that I will try as hard as possible never to hurt you intentionally. Can you do that? Can you just let me love you?”
― Saugatuck Summer
“If I ignored the eyes, I would think the subject of the painting was ready to fall into a contented sleep. But the eyes ruined that illusion. They were wide open, and too old, too deep, too knowing for the age of the angel. They were the eyes of someone who’d seen way too much pain and ugliness. Cautious. Vulnerable. Soft. Sad. Full of wistful yearning.
It wasn’t the narrative of that carefree and passionate night I’d spent with Jace, not as I recalled it. And yet it was, from sundown to sunrise, told in stages.
They were gorgeous paintings, but what sort of impression must I have left on Jace for him to see me like that? They weren’t me. Not me at all. The semi-angelic young man in those paintings was idealized beyond all recognition, someone mythical and amazing, and that wasn’t me. I was just Topher, the fucked-up kid who was betraying his best friend by making her dad an adulterer, the kid who would probably never finish college and who couldn’t seem to achieve anything more than mediocrity in anything he pursued.”
― Saugatuck Summer
It wasn’t the narrative of that carefree and passionate night I’d spent with Jace, not as I recalled it. And yet it was, from sundown to sunrise, told in stages.
They were gorgeous paintings, but what sort of impression must I have left on Jace for him to see me like that? They weren’t me. Not me at all. The semi-angelic young man in those paintings was idealized beyond all recognition, someone mythical and amazing, and that wasn’t me. I was just Topher, the fucked-up kid who was betraying his best friend by making her dad an adulterer, the kid who would probably never finish college and who couldn’t seem to achieve anything more than mediocrity in anything he pursued.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“Are you kidding? If Archer McLovelyArms wants you to spend the whole weekend, you go, girl. Get you some.”
She snorted. “His name’s Cody Rey.”
I quirked an eyebrow, even though she wasn’t there, and for the first time in the entire conversation, banter didn’t feel forced.
“You sure he’s an archer? Sounds more like a gunslinger. Just what exactly is he packing?”
― Saugatuck Summer
She snorted. “His name’s Cody Rey.”
I quirked an eyebrow, even though she wasn’t there, and for the first time in the entire conversation, banter didn’t feel forced.
“You sure he’s an archer? Sounds more like a gunslinger. Just what exactly is he packing?”
― Saugatuck Summer
“I wasn’t one hundred percent certain you’d be down with the makeup.”
“Oh?” He lifted an eyebrow, propping a hip against the table to sip his beer. “Why wear it, then?”
I stepped closer, enough so that if he’d parted his knees a little bit, I could have pressed right up flush against him. I brushed my lips along his jaw, somewhere between a kiss and a nuzzle, not quite either.
“Because I didn’t wear it for you.”
I could swear I heard a soft groan escape his throat under the bass of the music, and then his knees did inch apart a bit more, his hands settling more firmly on my hips again to draw me closer until we were eye-to-eye and crotch-to-crotch. We gasped in unison at the friction of that first electric contact.
“And that is why you’re so fucking hot,” he rasped. Our mouths were a breath apart and he could have kissed me, or I could have kissed him. But we didn’t. We just breathed together, savoring that madly intense moment of perfect wanting. After a moment he stepped back and led me to the dance floor.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“Oh?” He lifted an eyebrow, propping a hip against the table to sip his beer. “Why wear it, then?”
I stepped closer, enough so that if he’d parted his knees a little bit, I could have pressed right up flush against him. I brushed my lips along his jaw, somewhere between a kiss and a nuzzle, not quite either.
“Because I didn’t wear it for you.”
I could swear I heard a soft groan escape his throat under the bass of the music, and then his knees did inch apart a bit more, his hands settling more firmly on my hips again to draw me closer until we were eye-to-eye and crotch-to-crotch. We gasped in unison at the friction of that first electric contact.
“And that is why you’re so fucking hot,” he rasped. Our mouths were a breath apart and he could have kissed me, or I could have kissed him. But we didn’t. We just breathed together, savoring that madly intense moment of perfect wanting. After a moment he stepped back and led me to the dance floor.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“Please, can you just stop being such a bitch for two fucking minutes? Jesus.”
He ran his hand through his hair, clenching his fingers near his scalp.
I gave him a scathing look and turned away again. “Fuck you. You’re not queer enough to call me a bitch.”
― Saugatuck Summer
He ran his hand through his hair, clenching his fingers near his scalp.
I gave him a scathing look and turned away again. “Fuck you. You’re not queer enough to call me a bitch.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“I never asked you to take care of me! This? This is exactly what I didn’t want. You promised me . . .” I shook my head, my eyes burning as I turned my attention back to packing. I jerked the zipper of my suitcase so hard I’m surprised I didn’t pull the damn tab off. “Let’s be honest, hm? You’re not trying to take care of me, you’re trying to take care of you. You want to have your respectable, white-bread, married, straight family life as well as your faggy brown boy toy on the side, and seriously? Fuck that shit. I trusted you, Brendan! I trusted you to respect me enough not to pull something like this, not to try to keep me dangling along so you could have it both ways without giving up anything.”
― Saugatuck Summer
― Saugatuck Summer
“Dollars to doughnuts there’s no fruit dip,” he murmured behind me.
Would Mo do that to me not five minutes after I asked her not to push me at anything?
Fucking A. Of course she would. I was the fruit dip, apparently.
I backed out of the fridge, hanging my head with a sigh. “For Mo, that was extremely subtle.”
“She’s got a gift.” Jace leaned against the counter beside the fridge and crossed his arms over his chest, looking me over. “How are you, Topher?”
“Good. Good. Fine. How have you been?” I retreated a few paces, mirroring his posture against the island chopping block opposite him.
“I’ve been good. Really good, in fact, though I’m wondering if you would rather I weren’t here.”
“What?” I blinked rapidly. “Why would I— Why would you think that?”
The corner of his mouth quirked up in a wry smile. “Because this is the first time you’ve met my eyes since I arrived, and if I were a vampire, you’d be thrusting garlic and a cross at me right now.”
― Saugatuck Summer
Would Mo do that to me not five minutes after I asked her not to push me at anything?
Fucking A. Of course she would. I was the fruit dip, apparently.
I backed out of the fridge, hanging my head with a sigh. “For Mo, that was extremely subtle.”
“She’s got a gift.” Jace leaned against the counter beside the fridge and crossed his arms over his chest, looking me over. “How are you, Topher?”
“Good. Good. Fine. How have you been?” I retreated a few paces, mirroring his posture against the island chopping block opposite him.
“I’ve been good. Really good, in fact, though I’m wondering if you would rather I weren’t here.”
“What?” I blinked rapidly. “Why would I— Why would you think that?”
The corner of his mouth quirked up in a wry smile. “Because this is the first time you’ve met my eyes since I arrived, and if I were a vampire, you’d be thrusting garlic and a cross at me right now.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“Well, look at it this way,” Robin reasoned as I sat with him and Geoff at their kitchen table that night, half-plastered from the pitcher of margarita they’d blended up. Was I going to have a tequila hangover in the morning? Oh, honey, you bet your sweet ass I was. And how many fucks did I give?
Not a one.
“Even if you were overreacting to read what you read into this guy’s offer—which I don’t think you were, though I doubt he actually thought it through enough to intend it to be read that way—you still have to ask yourself: What’s in it for you, hanging around some motel room waiting for a married man to make a booty call? What benefit would you get out of that situation, or out of prolonging your relationship with him? He might not have meant it to be an insulting offer, but it was absolutely a one hundred percent selfish offer. There was no upside for you whatsoever, unless the sex really was just that amazing.”
― Saugatuck Summer
Not a one.
“Even if you were overreacting to read what you read into this guy’s offer—which I don’t think you were, though I doubt he actually thought it through enough to intend it to be read that way—you still have to ask yourself: What’s in it for you, hanging around some motel room waiting for a married man to make a booty call? What benefit would you get out of that situation, or out of prolonging your relationship with him? He might not have meant it to be an insulting offer, but it was absolutely a one hundred percent selfish offer. There was no upside for you whatsoever, unless the sex really was just that amazing.”
― Saugatuck Summer
“Fuck, he was sexy. Darius knew he should stop and explain to Rhys how the game was played, or had been in nicer times. He should give him a safeword and discuss boundaries and all that stuff people had done back when the world was sane and they had the luxury of making games out of anguish. But those pretty, clean rules had no place in Rhys and Darius’s reality.”
―
―
