Jerry L. Wyckoff > Quotes

“In the hierarchy of moral development, as defined by Lawrence Kohlberg, the lowest level is “following rules only to avoid punishment.” The highest level is “following rules because they are right and good.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Avoid being a historian. Leave bad behavior to history and don’t keep bringing it up. If your child makes an error, constantly reminding her of it will only lead to resentment and increase the likelihood of bad behavior.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Becoming a mother or father is so much more than giving birth to a child. It’s a developmental process that continues for the rest of a parent’s life.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“The interviews revealed that children who are frequently abused, threatened with abuse, or who witness others being abused are at very high risk for learning that violence is a way to solve problems, get what they want, or protect”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“When we react with anger to children’s behavior, we teach them to act without considering another person’s feelings—a consequence we need to avoid.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Praise your child’s behavior. Don’t praise your child, but rather praise what she is doing. For example, instead of saying, “You’re a good girl for sitting quietly,” say, “It’s good you’re sitting quietly.” Focus your praise or disapproval on your child’s behavior, because that is what you’re interested in managing.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“University of Colorado,4 support this truth. She reported that greater maternal warmth is associated with increases in children’s empathy during the second year of life, but children whose mothers control them with anger show decreases in empathy. Without empathy, it’s nearly impossible for children to learn to share toys, play well with others, avoid angry and violent reactions to adversity, and take personal responsibility for their actions.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“I’m sorry you chose to do that...,” you’re showing your child that you care about his feelings and have empathy for his being in the “hot seat.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“The primary message given when parents shout or spank is that adults are bigger, stronger, and more powerful than children and can inflict fear and pain if displeased. The resulting sense of being a victim and being powerless in the face of greater size and strength creates fear and anxiety in children, and ultimately the desire to use violence themselves when upset. No positive consequences result from spanking. In fact, the link between the victimization of children and their subsequent anger-management problems, as discussed in the work of Jay Barrish and others,2 further underscores the argument for creating a zero-tolerance policy regarding spanking in your home, at daycare, in preschool, and in other settings. However, creating a zero-tolerance policy should not result in criminal penalties for spanking. Instead, this policy should be a statement of your own beliefs that discipline should be a teaching system that builds appropriate behavior.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Other common differences* between boys and girls include the following: • Boys prefer to focus on a single task, and they react more aggressively to interruptions. • Girls’ motor activities peak less quickly, are less vigorous, and last longer. • Boys create and play games that fill larger spaces, and they need to be outside more. • Girls’ attention to objects is less fleeting and less active. • Girls rely more on their five senses. • Boys do better with visual information presented to the left eye, which feeds the right hemisphere. • By age five, girls are six months ahead of boys in general development. • Boys who see themselves as physically strong will seek rough and tumble play. • Boys who feel safe and competent will seek independence earlier than girls.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Parents must model the kind of behavior they want to teach. They must also communicate their values in ways that make the values as important for their children as they are for themselves.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Parental behavior must change before their children’s behavior is most likely to change, and parents must become disciplined parents before their children will most likely become self-disciplined.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“children whose mothers control them with anger show decreases in empathy. Without empathy, it’s nearly impossible for children to learn to share toys, play well with others, avoid angry and violent reactions to adversity, and take personal responsibility for their actions.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Decide on the specific behavior you would like to change. If you focus on specifics rather than abstracts, you’ll manage better. For example, don’t tell your child to be neat; explain that you want her to pick up her blocks before she goes out to play.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Spanking and Shouting Are Counterproductive The principles outlined in this book represent what we as parents should do when we’re confronted with our children’s misbehavior. What we often do, however, is shout at or spank our children, especially if we’re tired or distracted or frustrated by their failure to obey us. Shouting and spanking are quite natural responses to misbehavior—especially continued misbehavior—but they’re also quite counterproductive. They never teach appropriate behavior, which is the number one task of parenting. In fact, they teach just the opposite: • How to shout • How to hit • How to be sneaky • How to fear • How to be ashamed • How to take anger out on others All degrees of shouting and spanking—light, moderate, occasional, rarely, always—give children the wrong kind of attention. If it’s the only kind they’re given, they may misbehave just to get noticed. Also, parents don’t always know if spanking works because they don’t actually observe its effect on a child’s behavior over time. Spanking as punishment simply drives bad behavior underground: It stops the behavior from happening in front of parents, but it doesn’t stop it altogether. In fact, children become experts at not getting caught. Parents may even say, “Don’t let me catch you doing that again!”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Shouting and spanking are quite natural responses to misbehavior—especially continued misbehavior—but they’re also quite counterproductive. They never teach appropriate behavior, which is the number one task of parenting. In fact, they teach just the opposite: • How to shout • How to hit • How to be sneaky • How to fear • How to be ashamed • How to take anger out on others”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Parents must model the kind of behavior they want to teach.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“Children see the world in concrete terms. When they see that it’s permissible for adults to hit children, they assume it must be permissible for children to hit adults or other children.”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying

“children whose mothers control them with anger show decreases in empathy. Without empathy, it’s nearly impossible for children to learn to share toys, play well with others, avoid”
― Jerry L. Wyckoff, Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking—Free Chapters: Aggressive Behavior, Behaving Shyly, Fighting Cleanup Routines, Getting Out of Bed at Night, "Hyper" Activity, Lying