Gary Roe > Quotes

“When a child dies, dreams go up in smoke. Long-held expectations are shattered. The future we planned on is gone. Part of us died with our child. We’re shocked, stunned. We get sad, and angry. In some cases, the anger in us festers and spreads. We grow bitter. Like anger, bitterness leaks. Similar to a slow but”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Loss is heavy. The death of a child is crushing. It shatters hearts. Once some of the shock dissipates, a deep and abiding sadness begins to leak out.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Somewhere, somehow, comparison undoubtedly plays a role in every suicide death. In order to grieve in healthy ways and honor our loved one, we need to be aware of comparison’s presence and power. Affirmation: I’ll be aware of the constant presence and power of comparison. I’ll work on accepting myself where I am, rather than bowing to the pressures of the world around me.”
― Gary Roe, Aftermath: Picking Up the Pieces After a Suicide

“Don’t give others control over your heart.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“FROM THE GRIEVING HEART: I wish money wasn’t such a big deal. It can be such a pain -- and so stressful. You left and I don’t know where anything is. At least, that’s the way it feels. Bills keep coming. There are more expenses than I could have imagined. Losing you was enough. I don’t want to have to worry about money, too. Just having to think about finances is frustrating - even infuriating at times. There are too many decisions to make. A new decision pops up every day, if not every hour.”
― Gary Roe, Comfort for the Grieving Spouse's Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Partner

“As parents, we’re on grief overload. We yearn for our deceased child, and we hurt for our other kids too. Our hearts are doubly crushed. Parenting right now can feel about as doable as swimming unassisted across an ocean. Even with other kids in the mix, our focus should still be to grieve responsibly and in a healthy manner. We love our other kids by first taking good care of ourselves. If we don’t process our own grief, it will leak out in ways which will not benefit our families.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“The loss of a child strips you to the core, and there are times you will have to remind yourself to breathe. Breathe! You can survive. You will survive.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“The color is gone. I have no spark, no interest. I don’t want to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything. It’s like a heavy, wet blanket is smothering all of us,” Mandy said. “I’m depressed. We’re all depressed.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Loss affects marriages When a child dies, the family changes. All family relationships are affected, including marriages. Men and women tend to grieve differently. Many men are activity-project grievers. They solve problems, build things, tear stuff apart, exercise heavily, or head to the shooting range. Most women tend to be verbal-relational grievers. They seek connections, have coffee, talk, share, cry, text, and email. Men do things. Women relate. We speak different grief languages. This makes it even more challenging to communicate well during this time. Finding ways to grieve together is yet another obstacle (or opportunity) we get to face and tackle. Both spouses are chest-deep in heavy grief. Routines have changed. Emotions are running high. Our usual patterns of touch, physical affection, and sexual intimacy”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“miss you and want to grieve. Frankly, I could care less about money right now. And yet, I’m worried about it too. I resent money right now. I resent all these decisions that have to be made. I resent having to talk to the bank, Social Security, insurance companies, and all the rest. Everyone wants proof of this or that. I can’t get into this or that account. I need a death certificate for this, and another one for that. There’s a waiting period for this. I have to wait on probate for that. I’m drowning in paperwork and details. I feel angry and scared. You’re not here. It’s just me now. I suddenly feel nauseated.”
― Gary Roe, Comfort for the Grieving Spouse's Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Partner

“loss of a child is depressing Experiencing some depression in grief is natural and common. We’ve lost a child. Their absence has left a gaping hole in our hearts. It feels wrong to have joy in anything. As Mandy said, the color goes out of life. We wonder if it will ever return, or if it even can. Our eating and sleeping habits take a hit. We’re fatigued all the time. We walk around in a fog, sometimes forgetting where we’re going and why. We wonder incessantly about questions we’ll probably never know the answers to. We slip back or deeper into unhealthy habits or addictions. We withdraw from the world and people. We feel alone, no matter where we are or who we’re around. We’re starved for fun, but feel terribly guilty about having”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“How do we respond to the toxic statements of others? One option is to not respond at all. Simply walk away. Unkind statements often don’t deserve a response. In”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“The loss of a child is a terrible thing. Unthinkable, unbelievable, and heartbreaking. Devastating, shocking, and crushing. Paralyzing, shattering, and traumatic. These are a few of the words grieving parents have shared with me. Whatever words we choose, they all fall far short of the reality.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Our children are tremendously important. Even through their death, they teach us about life. Our child can assist us in discovering and defining our life’s purpose. This is part of their legacy to us. We can use our grief to honor them by living more intentionally than ever.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Our church has been supportive, but it still amazes me what people will say. ‘At least he’s not suffering…God needed another angel…You still have other children.’” Janice shared. “My son is dead. Platitudes are useless, and hurtful.” Janice’s son Kolton was the youngest of”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Guilt is sneaky. It is powerful and relentless. It accomplishes nothing. It is not our friend. Guilt keeps us from living. It keeps us stuck. It hinders positive and healthy grieving. We know this, but guilt is so familiar. We get its voice confused with our own. Beating ourselves up becomes as natural as breathing.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“me. We’ve all heard the classic line that suicide is selfish. For the suicidal person, I don’t believe it’s about being selfish. It’s about being heard and finding some kind of resolution for all that is going on in their lives. Suicide feels like the only certain way out of our pain and fear.”
― Gary Roe, Aftermath: Picking Up the Pieces After a Suicide

“How do we think about the future now? Will this ever get any better? Is it possible to find hope again?”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Like many child losses, Mathew’s illness and death came out of nowhere. The shock was immense.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Birthdays are designed to celebrate another year of life. Our child’s birthday is a reminder of another year without them. Anniversaries typically mark special occasions, but when our child’s death-date rolls around, it can launch us back into acute, intense grief. These special days bring it all back. The pain can be incredible.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“When a child dies, dreams go up in smoke. Long-held expectations are shattered. The future we planned on is gone. Part of us died with our child. We’re shocked, stunned. We get sad, and angry. In some cases, the anger in us festers and spreads. We grow bitter. Like anger, bitterness leaks. Similar to a slow but raging infection, it seeps into our souls and then pours out of our hearts and into our lives—and onto the lives of those around us. Losing a child is such a tragedy, such an unexpected shock that any of us can easily wind up here. Unexpressed, unresolved anger can give birth to a reservoir of bitterness, perhaps without us even realizing it. Bitterness is not unusual in cases of child loss, but it is not healthy or helpful. The loss of a child is hard enough without being complicated by this internal, cold, festering rage. Bitterness can dupe us into indulging deeper in its poisons, causing us to pile up regrets that confuse and complicate our grief.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Words can be sharp and cutting, even cruel. “Are you still grieving? What’s wrong with you? Pull it together.” “Life goes on. You should be over this by now.” “I thought you were better and stronger than this.” “People die. It’s part of life. You still have other children.” “Isn’t she better off now? You should be happy.” We’ve all heard similar, equally shocking examples we could add to this list. Why”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” —C.S. Lewis”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“We’re confused about other people and our relationships. Some people we counted on have disappeared. Others act weird and tentative around us, like our grief is some kind of contagious disease. We’re confused about how to deal with all this in a healthy way—including how to be there for our other kids and family members. How can we care for others when we’re barely able to get out of bed? How do we support others who are grieving when our shattered hearts are in pieces strewn all over the place? We’re confused about the future. How do we think about that? The future we expected and hoped for is gone. Whatever dreams we had have been either crushed or mangled beyond recognition. The world as we knew it is no longer. Yes, this is confusing.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a team of brave hearts to help someone survive the loss of a child,” Marge”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Feeling lost can come from a sense of total separation from your child. Part of grieving is keeping them alive in your heart. They are a part of you, and staying connected to them somehow is important.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“When a child dies, we’re thrown into a forbidding wilderness that seems virtually unpopulated. We’re stunned, shattered, and feel very much alone. Then people start coming forward, or we happen to trip across them here and there. They too have lost a child. We can see grief we understand in their eyes and on their shoulders. Yes, they are in the same club.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Our child’s death calls many things into question. The world and life are not as fair as we imagined. We’re not as powerful as we thought. We’re have far less control than we dreamed.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Affirmation: Because my love is deep, my grief will be intense. Tears are natural, and healthy.”
― Gary Roe, Comfort for the Grieving Spouse's Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Partner

“Grief therapists are licensed professional counselors who specialize in grief recovery. They are licensed in the state they reside in as a mental health professional. Grief therapists charge for their services”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child