Steve Kluger > Quotes

“Never, ever stop believing in magic, no matter how old you get. Because if you keep looking long enough and don't give up, sooner or later you're going to find Mary Poppins.”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“Even though I didn't notice it while it was happening, I got reminded in ninth grade of a few things I guess I should have known all along.

1. A first kiss after five months means more than a first kiss after five minutes.

2. Always remember what it was like to be six.

3. Never, ever stop believing in magic, no matter how old you get. Because if you keep looking long enough and don't give up, sooner or later you're going to find Mary Poppins. And if you're reall lucky, maybe even a purple balloon.”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“A first kiss after five months means more than a first kiss after five minutes.”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“Just because you discover that you may like somebody after all, it doesn't necessarily mean there's any attraction.”
― Steve Kluger

“Ale: Are you manipulating me again?
T.C.: Try not to fall for it. I dare you.”
― Steve Kluger

“It doesn't matter what people thinks of you as long as you know that your heart and head are in the right place.”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“Romance isn't just about roses or killing dragons or sailing a kayak around the world. It's also about chocolate chip cookies and sharing The Grateful Dead and James Taylor with me in the middle of the night, and believing me when I say that you could be bigger than both of them put together, and not making fun of me for straightening out my french fries or pointing my shoelaces in the same direction, and letting me pout when I don't get my own way, and pretending that if I play "Flower Drum Song" one more time you won't throw me and the record out the window”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“Augie: Does everybody else know?
T.C.: About my epitaph?
Augie: About me being gay, you gink-head hoser-face!
T.C. Not everybody. There's a night watchman at a Dunkin Donuts just outside of Detroit. He doesn't know yet.”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“Falling hard for somebody makes you do things you never thought you'd do before. Like pulling off an A in History or finally facing the truth about yourself”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“We make families of our own, Travis whispered in my arms on the last night we spent together. It starts with you and me and then it spreads. And whatever happens, there’ll always be a part of me that’s part of you. No matter what.”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“Romance is a universally unspoken language understood by all living organism on this planet except heterosexual men.”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“REAL LIFE vs THE MOVIES

Breaking Up in the Movies:
Boy #1: This isn’t working out, is it?
Boy #2: Sort of not, huh?
Boy #1: You can’t say we didn’t try.
Boy #2: We sure did. Besides, we’re still best friends.
Boy #1: Forever.
Boy #2: This is terrific pasta.

Breaking Up for Real:
Boy #1: Are you asleep?
Boy #2: Does it sound like it?
Boy #1: I’m sorry about the tuna fish.
Boy #2: It isn’t the tuna fish! It’s the last six months!
Boy #1: You’re an asshole.
Boy #2: Let go of my cock.”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“Communicating with the federal government is like talking to a computer that's crashing.”
― Steve Kluger

“And if Henry Higgins is not the most reprehensible character ever written for the stage, that's only because somewhere, somehow, someone is composing a musical biography of Ronald Reagan”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“. . . it's not just the people we love, but the people we let love us back who show us how high we can really soar.”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“Alexander Hamilton Junior High School
-- SEMESTER REPORT --

STUDENT: Joseph Margolis
TEACHER: Janet Hicks

ENGLISH: A, ARITHMETIC: A, SOCIAL STUDIES: A, SCIENCE: A, NEATNESS: A, PUNCTUALITY: A, PARTICIPATION: A, OBEDIENCE: D

Teacher's Comments:
Joseph remains a challenging student. While I appreciate his creativity, I am sure you will agree that a classroom is an inappropriate forum for a reckless imagination. There is not a shred of evidence to support his claim that Dolley Madison was a Lesbian, and even fewer grounds to explain why he even knows what the word means. Similarly, an analysis of the Constitutional Convention does not generate sufficient cause to initiate a two-hour classroom debate on what types of automobiles the Founding Fathers would have driven were they alive today. When asked on a subsequent examination, "What did Benjamin Franklin use to discover electricity?" eleven children responded "A Packard convertible". I trust you see my problem.
[...]
Janet Hicks

Parent's Comments:
As usual I am very proud of Joey's grades. I too was unaware that Dolley Madison was a Lesbian. I assumed they were all Protestants.
Thank you for writing.
Ida Margolis”
― Steve Kluger, Last Days of Summer: A Quirky and Heartwarming Story of Friendship, Baseball Lore, and Hero Worship in New York City

“Say 'Kenmore Square'," I insist.
"Kenmaw Sqway-ah."
"Say 'Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina.'"
"Nothing could be finah than to be in Caroliner.'"
"You're doing that on purpose."
"I'm not. I sway-ah.”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.”
― Steve Kluger

“This week my son thinks he's the Supremes.All of them. So we can scratch "straight"off the list. At least I hope we can. As a gay kid he'll be a natural leader. Put him in a macho bullshit environment and he's going to have a hard time. I don't want that to happen. (Let's also not forget Wei's immortal words to him nine minutes after he was born, when she first stared into those big brown eyes: "Oh, honey. Promose me you'll grow up to like boys. Because I don't want any other woman in your life except me.")”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“The only thing I know about Moses is him coming down from the mountain with the commandments and saying 'The good news is I got him down to 10. The bad news is adultery is still in.”
― Steve Kluger, Last Days of Summer: A Quirky and Heartwarming Story of Friendship, Baseball Lore, and Hero Worship in New York City

“Mr. Herbert Demarest
Alexander Hamilton Jr. High
2236 Bedford Avenue
Brooklyn NY

Dear Mr Demarest,
Then why don't you give him 'Withering Heights'? At least Heathcoat knew how to kick some ass.
Chas. Banks
3d Base”
― Steve Kluger, Last Days of Summer: A Quirky and Heartwarming Story of Friendship, Baseball Lore, and Hero Worship in New York City

“It's a lot easier to patch things up with somebody when he doesn't even know you were pissed off at him in the first place.”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“TRAVIS: I never said I like boys!
GORDO: Ever beat off to Penthouse?
TRAVIS: No.
GORDO: Ever collect baseball cards?
TRAVIS: No.
GORDO: How old is Barbra Streisand?
TRAVIS: 36. Three weeks ago.
GORDO:What do you need—a fucking blueprint?”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“You got a boyfriend or something?”
I hate it when he figures me out before I have a chance to do it myself.
Especially when I’ve been counting on at least seven more years of denial.”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“Papa, I'm ashamed that you think women are so simple. We can make decisions for ourselves too, you know. I'm not a child or a baby anymore, so I'm allowed to speak my mind. And if you don't wish to hear it, just tell me so and I'll go into another room-but I'll speak it anyway. I want this for myself as much as I've never wanted the diplomatic corps and I'm going to get it-even if I have to do it alone. Excuse me.”
― Steve Kluger

“Oh, no. This has "marriage" written all over it. Travis, read my lips: remember that Fellini film with the prostitute who says that every new sunrise makes her a virgin? It doesn't work that way with me. Even the sun thinks I'm a slut.”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“Here's to us. Who's like us? Damn few.”
― Steve Kluger, My Most Excellent Year

“It would have served me right if I'd had a cerebral aneurysm on the spot. Instead, I forgot all about my foot--until we shoved the flat onto the stage. I think we broke my ankle. This is bullshit. I have finals to worry about.”
― Steve Kluger, Almost Like Being in Love

“Why do guys insist on wearing those odious jeans with their rear ends hanging down around their ankles? Do they really think it's hot?”
― Steve Kluger

“Like there's actually a need for Greenland. You can get ice at 7-Eleven.”
― Steve Kluger