Sigrid Nunez > Quotes

“What we miss - what we lose and what we mourn - isn't it this that makes us who, deep down, we truly are. To say nothing of what we wanted in life but never got to have.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Your whole house smells of dog, says someone who comes to visit. I say I'll take care of it. Which I do by never inviting that person to visit again.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Consider rereading, how risky it is, especially when the book is one that you loved. Always the chance that it won't hold up, that you might, for whatever reason, not love it as much. When this happens, and to me it happens all the time (and more and more as I get older), the effect is so disheartening that I now open old favorites warily.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Tempted to put too much faith in the great male mind, remember this: It looked at cats and declared them gods. It looked at women and asked, Are they human? And, once that nut had been cracked: But do they have souls?”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“You can't hurry love, as the song goes. You can't hurry grief either.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Once again I come upon his famous definition of love: two solitudes that protect and border and greet each other.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Sure I worried that writing about it might be a mistake. You write a thing down because you're hoping to get a hold on it. You write about experiences partly to understand what they mean, partly not to lose them to time. To oblivion. But there's always the danger of the opposite happening. Losing the memory of the experience itself to the memory of writing about it. Like people whose memories of places they've traveled to are in fact only memories of the pictures they took there. In the end, writing and photography probably destroy more of the past than they ever preserve of it. So it could happen: by writing about someone lost - or even just talking too much about them - you might be burying them for good.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“If reading really does increase empathy, as we are constantly being told that it does, it appears that writing takes some away.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Nothing has changed. It’s still very simple. I miss him. I miss him every day. I miss him very much.
But how would it be if that feeling was gone?
I would not want that to happen.
I told the shrink: it would not make me happy at all not to miss him anymore.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“The only thing harder than seeing yourself grow old is seeing the people you’ve loved grow old.”
― Sigrid Nunez, What Are You Going Through

“In a book I am reading the author talks about word people versus fist people. As if words could not also be fists. Aren't often fists.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“When people are very young they see animals as equals, even as kin. That humans are different, unique and superior to all other species - this they have to be taught.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“What we miss - what we lose and what we mourn - isn’t it this that makes us who, deep down, we truly are. To say nothing of what we wanted in life but never got to have.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“There's a certain type of person who, having read this far, is anxiously wondering: Does something bad happen to the dog?”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“I don't know who it was, but someone, maybe or maybe not Henry James, said that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who upon seeing someone else suffering think, That could happen to me, and those who think, That will never happen to me. The first kind of people help us to endure, the second kind make life hell.”
― Sigrid Nunez, What Are You Going Through

“Here is what I learned: Simone Weil was right. Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Understood: language would end up falsifying everything, as language always does. Writers know this only too well, they know it better than anyone else, and that is why the good ones sweat and bleed over their sentences, the best ones break themselves into pieces over their sentences, because if there is any truth to be found they believe it will be found there.”
― Sigrid Nunez, What Are You Going Through

“Neither season after season of extreme weather events nor the risk of extinction for a million animal species around the world could push environmental destruction to the top of our country’s list of concerns. And how sad, he said, to see so many among the most creative and best-educated classes, those from whom we might have hoped for inventive solutions, instead embracing personal therapies and pseudo-religious practices that promoted detachment, a focus on the moment, acceptance of one’s surroundings as they were, equanimity in the face of worldly cares. (This world is but a shadow, it is a carcass, it is nothing, this world is not real, do not mistake this hallucination for the real world.) Self-care, relieving one’s own everyday anxieties, avoiding stress: these had become some of our society’s highest goals, he said—higher, apparently, than the salvation of society itself. The mindfulness rage was just another distraction, he said. Of course we should be stressed, he said. We should be utterly consumed with dread. Mindful meditation might help a person face drowning with equanimity, but it would do absolutely nothing to right the Titanic, he said. It wasn’t individual efforts to achieve inner peace, it wasn’t a compassionate attitude toward others that might have led to timely preventative action, but rather a collective, fanatical, over-the-top obsession with impending doom.”
― Sigrid Nunez, What Are You Going Through

“They don’t commit suicide. They don’t weep. But they can and do fall to pieces. They can and do have their hearts broken. They can and do lose their minds.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Someone has said, When you are born into this world there are at least two of you, but going out you are on your own. Death happens to every one of us, yet it remains the most solitary of human experiences, one that separates rather than unites us.”
― Sigrid Nunez, What Are You Going Through

“It’s not uncommon to wish to have known what a person you’ve come to love was like before you met them. It hurts, almost, not to have known what a beloved was like as a child. I have felt this way about every man I’ve ever been in love with, and about many close friends as well, and now it’s how I feel about Apollo.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Only when I was young did I believe that it was important to remember what happened in every novel I read. Now I know the truth: what matters is what you experience while reading, the states of feeling that the story evokes, the questions that rise to your mind, rather than the fictional events described. They should teach you this in school, but they don’t.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Vulnerables

“Youth burdened with full knowledge of just how sad and painful aging is I would not call youth at all.”
― Sigrid Nunez, What Are You Going Through

“I know this is all moronically anthropomorphic, but sometimes that is the form love takes.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“The poet Rilke once reported seeing a dying dog give its mistress a look full of reproach. Later, he gave this experience to the narrator of a novel: He was convinced I could have prevented it. It was now clear that he had always overrated me. And there was no time left to explain it to him. He continued to gaze at me, surprised and solitary, until it was over.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“Strays is what a writer I recently read calls those who, for one reason or another, and despite whatever they might have wanted earlier in life, never really become a part of life, not in the way most people do. They may have serious relationships, they may have friends, even a sizable circle, they may spend large portions of their time in the company of others. But they never marry and they never have children. On holidays, they join some family or other group. This goes on year after year, until they finally find it in themselves to admit that they'd really rather just stay home.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“I think it's largely true, what I once heard a famous playwright say, that there are no truly stupid human beings, no uninteresting human lives, and that you'd discover this if you were willing to sit and listen to people.”
― Sigrid Nunez, What Are You Going Through

“Dying is a role we play like any other role in life: this is a troubling thought. You are never your true self except when you’re alone—but who wants to be alone, dying? But is it too much to want somebody somewhere to say something original about it? Not”
― Sigrid Nunez, What Are You Going Through

“He has to forget you. He has to forget you and fall in love with me. That's what has to happen.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend

“writing poetry is like prayer, and prayer isn’t something you have to share with other people.”
― Sigrid Nunez, The Friend