Bill Eddy > Quotes

“This is how they con you, by getting you to doubt yourself and to believe their version of events over your own.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“Each of these people has an extreme version of what we call a high-conflict personality. Unlike most of us, who normally try to resolve or defuse conflicts, people with high-conflict personalities (HCPs) respond to conflicts by compulsively increasing them. They usually do this by focusing on Targets of Blame, whom they mercilessly attack—verbally, emotionally, financially, reputationally, litigiously, and sometimes violently—often for months or years, even if the initial conflict was minor. Their Targets of Blame are usually someone close (a coworker, neighbor, friend, partner, or family member) or someone in a position of authority (boss, department head, police, government agent). Sometimes, though, the Target of Blame can be completely random.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“(This is why I strongly advise everyone who is in a new romantic relationship to wait at least a year before marrying someone, moving in with them, or having a child with them.)”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“Watch out for being “overly helpful.” Don’t allow yourself to get tricked into doing tasks, lending money, giving up personal information, and doing other things for someone you do not know very well. In fact, get comfortable with setting reasonable boundaries, even with people you have known a long time—you may not know their full story.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“In a romantic relationship, wait a year before making any major decisions together. You will usually see the difference between the potential for lasting love and an intense, but temporary borderline infatuation within twelve months.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“Check things out before you commit your resources or put yourself at risk to help someone else.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“Later you’ll realize that they have always been strong and possibly abusive, and they just feel like a victim in life.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“In both cases, abuse or entitlement, HCPs have not learned that their own behavior creates or worsens the conflict situations they are in. In many ways, this is a disability, as HCPs can’t see the connection between their own actions and how others respond to them. They don’t know how to solve relationship problems, so they make things worse and don’t understand why they feel so miserable so much of the time. They turn these feelings into blaming others – and staying upset. Because blaming others doesn’t solve problems.”
― Bill Eddy, Biff: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Em

“A vulnerable narcissist will probably become angry immediately, and may attack the person who exposed their weakness, either verbally or physically. In contrast, a grandiose narcissist may not appear to get upset at all but may get even with the person later—by spreading rumors, sabotaging their work or reputation, suing them, destroying their property, or otherwise harming them.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“Many high-conflict people do things that 90 percent of people would never do.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“Without a history, it’s not obvious on the surface who you can really trust and who you can’t.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“The more you write, the more material the other person has to criticize.”
― Bill Eddy, It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything

“Online, with a little effort, anyone can hide who they are and present themselves as someone completely different. More and more, people are using technology to mislead us about themselves—whether it’s with an attractive but phony photograph, an impressive but false résumé, or a sad story that hooks you in but turns out to be a lie.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“For starters, never believe anyone 100 percent. Check things out first, especially things they say that sound strange or extreme. Avoid believing people who say “trust me” a lot.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“Our gut feelings are often the first to tell us there is a problem with someone’s behavior. Pay attention to your own gut when you’re in someone’s presence, or when you think about them.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“Be wary of victim stories.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“might also mention that antisocials can con you very quickly, like stealing your wallet while they get you to look away at something.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“We were each trained in interest-based negotiations and have provided trainings in this approach. However, as we got more and more difficult cases, we realized that these traditional interest-based methods were failing and that high conflict disputes needed their own quite different approach.”
― Bill Eddy, Mediating High Conflict Disputes: A Breakthrough Approach with Tips and Tools and the New Ways for Mediation

“Watch out for words of desperation that play too strongly on your heartstrings.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“The manual lists several criteria for a narcissistic personality disorder, including a “grandiose sense of self-importance,” preoccupied with “fantasies of unlimited success” and power, belief that he or she is uniquely “special,” “requires excessive admiration,” “has a sense of entitlement,” “exploits relationships,” “lacks empathy,” and is “envious” and “arrogant.”
― Bill Eddy, It's All Your Fault at Work!: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People

“You just need to learn when to override them.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

“This may be when they’re engaged in a criminal activity, or spending time with their other family that you don’t know about.”
― Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities