Andy Leeks > Quotes

“To this day, I’ve never understood why McDonald’s sell a range of salads. To me, that’s like a funeral director selling life insurance or a dentist selling sweets.”
― Andy Leeks, Minimize Me: 10 Diets to Lose 25 lbs in 50 Days

“Going to the seaside in winter is like seeing your partner first thing in the morning. Ugly, depressing and troubled by wind.”
― Andy Leeks

“Let the cakes be the bastard boyfriend. Let the takeaways be the ghastly girlfriend. For me, alcohol and cigarettes were the girlfriends who cheated on me, and I’ll never see them in the same light again. You might ask why I haven’t succeeded with this same approach when it comes to food, and this is where I’m willing to accept that my magical technique falls a little flat. It was easy for me to accept that cigarettes and alcohol were responsible for shortening my life, but I have trouble accepting that the same applies to cakes. Call me a sucker, but I keep on giving the ghastly girlfriend another chance, even though she’s made it clear that she’s going to carry on cheating. Perhaps if I were unfortunate enough to suffer from a debilitating illness such as a heart complaint or diabetes, I’d grow a pair and ditch her.”
― Andy Leeks, Minimize Me: 10 Diets to Lose 25 lbs in 50 Days

“In their defence, women do get a rough deal. Women's clothes often don't have pockets and if they do, they look unflattering when filled. Women often wear shoes that are incredibly uncomfortable to walk long distances in, so it is sensible to bring an extra pair, sometimes two, if a gym visit is required. Long hair can be a pain, so there are brushes, lotions, bobbles, bands and hair-ties that need to be considered. Then there’s make up – it's not just a case of a bit of powder and mascara, its far more complicated than that – there are toners and moisturisers and bronzers, as well as cotton wool and wipes to consider.”
― Andy Leeks, As They Slept

“Who on earth came up with the nine minute snooze setting? Which boffin was scratching his head one day thinking, "Eight minutes, that's barely a nap. Ten minutes, no, that's a full-on sleep. Nine minutes, now that's a snooze!"?   I”
― Andy Leeks, As They Slept

“Throughout my life people have constantly told me to 'be careful', to 'take care' and to 'mind how I go'. They may just be figures of speech, but they always seem such stupid things to say to someone. I feel like saying "Thanks for the timely reminder-I was just about to walk up the road naked and blindfolded into oncoming traffic”
― Andy Leeks, As They Slept - Part 2

“The problem with trains in the winter is that there only seem to be two heat settings, and they tend to be 'Off' and 'Surface of the Sun'. Today it's been set to the latter.   As”
― Andy Leeks, As They Slept