Frank Portman > Quotes

“Normal: lacking in taste, compassion, understanding, kindness, and ordinary human decency.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Monty Python: A documentary series on everyday life in Great Britain.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“High School is the penalty for transgressions yet to be specified.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Maybe they notice me wincing whenever I hear them say it, but I don't know: there are all sorts of reasons I could be wincing. Life is a wince-a-thon.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“There's always a bit of suspense about the particular way in which a given school year will get off to a bad start.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Girls have all the same parts, basically, and so much of how they look depends on the attitude, expectations, and obsessions of those who are looking at them.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“D and D: a role-playing game played only by very cool guys.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Sam Hellerman is a genius!”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I was starting to realize the extent of the problem here: everyone is always lying to each other, and even when they're trying to tell the truth, it can still be misleading or wrong. In fact, it almost always is wrong from at least one angle. I mean, the truth is really just a better class of lie.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Jane Gallagher had wanted to know what time it was, but for some reason Holden Caulfield hadn't wanted Stradlater to tell her. When Stradlater refused to tell Holden Caulfieldwhether or not he had told Jane Gallagher what time it was, Holden Caulfield became enraged and attacked him in a fit or horological savagery, possibly because he was mentally ill and hated anyone byt him knowing what time it was”
― Frank Portman

“One day they'll wake up and realize that we were right about everything all along.”
― Frank Portman

“It was more like an abortion than music, but he got a wildly enthusiastic response from the crowd. Well, we're all pro-choice out here in Hillmont, after all.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I felt bad, but I did it anyway, because I'm only human. I was ashamed of myself and depressed afterward, though, which is human, too, I guess. Being human is an excuse for just about everything, but it also kind of sucks in a way.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I felt bad because Little Big Tom came in while we were making the tape and was like over the moon because he thought we were interested in his music. We had to humor him and listen to him deliver around six hundred speeches about fusion and the Art Ensemble of Chicago and Chicano and Latino influences on pretentious jazzy pseudorock. I think it was probably the happiest I'd ever seen him. And I also felt bad about the fact that after he left we kind of made fun of the funny way he said Latino, like he was the Frito Bandito or something. I felt bad, but I did it anyway, because I'm only human. I was ashamed of myself and depressed afterward, though, which is human, too, I guess. Being human is an excuse for just about everything, but it also kind of sucks in a way.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“You can make something mean anything you want. And you can spend a great deal of time and effort choosing your words and allusions and quotations carefully and hardly anyone will even notice or get it anyway.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“1975 was a great year for rock and roll, and don’t believe anyone who tells you different.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“And as for you, Holden, old son: if you happen to meet my body coming through the rye, I'd really appreciate it if you'd just stand aside and get out of my fucking way.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“No one does antimaterialism better than multigazillionaire rock stars.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Life is a wince-a-thon.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Communication is pointless and we're all doomed.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“When you say 'I want to fit in,' you are essentially volunteering yourself as a victim, and when the thing you want to fit in with is 'society' - well, as 'society' is just another word for government, you're basically begging the government to control you and use you as it wishes for its nefarious purposes, which can be pretty damn nefarious, if 'nefarious' means what I believe it does.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork Approximately

“I'm not any religion myself, but for the record, I'm pretty sure I do believe in God. It's just a feeling I have. I can't prove it, but since when are you supposed to prove a feeling? God is the only situation where they expect you to do that. Plus, God embarrasses people. Which I totally enjoy.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I’m a very spiritual person,” she likes to say, for instance. Like when she’s explaining how she hates religion and all those who practice it. Well, okay, if it makes you feel better, Carol.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“My attention was temporarily thrown off course, because of the possibly decent band name. Hot Underwear: Jesus the Thong Burglar on guitar and vox, Hellerman Schmellerman on bass and vox, “Phil Rudd” on drums, first album Wet and Loaded. The album cover possibilities alone would … But I digress.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork Approximately

“You start by allowing your own world to be corrupted by their warped values, and then you gradually start using their sadistic methods and eventually end up adopting bits of their sick ideology. And even then, when you have become just like them, they will eventually turn on you anyway. Normal people are savage beasts.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Basically, Sam Phillips recorded Bill Haley, Johnny Cash, and all those other Memphis guys; Chuck Berry played the top two strings; Elvis appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show above the waist; the Beatles made all the girls squirm by singing about wanting to hold their “hands”; Ray Davies got lost in a sunset; Pete Townshend smashed his guitar; Brian Wilson heard magic in his head and made it come out of a studio; the Rolling Stones urinated on a garage door; and then (skipping a bit) you’ve got Joey Levine and Chapman-Chinn and Mott the Hoople and Iggy and the Runaways and KISS and the Pink Fairies and Rick Nielsen and Jonathan Richman and Johnny Ramone and Lemmy and the Young brothers and Cook and Jones and Pete Shelley and Feargal Sharkey and Rob Halford … and Foghat. You get what I’m saying. It didn’t happen in a vacuum, but it did happen, and now here we are in the aftermath.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork Approximately

“There's something weird and sexual about the way some people talk about God--have you noticed?”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I was starting to realize the extent of the problem here: everyone is always lying to each other, and even when they're trying to tell the truth, it can still be misleading or wrong. In fact, it almost always is wrong from at least one angle. I mean, in a way, the truth is really just a better class of lie.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“It's really true that you're oblivious to the suffering of others till it happens to you. Think about that next time you're feeling strong and confident and in command of the situation. Someone out there is crying the tears you've managed to avoid, and it's only luck that prevents you from having to join in.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork Approximately

“The entire second-period sophomore girls’ PE class thought my balls were uniquely and supremely beneath contempt. Great.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork