Austin F. James > Quotes

“Now faith is confidence of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Heb 11.1”
― Austin James

“anabuserspeaks.com”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“Making rude comments or sounds when you'd bend over . Making fun of you in front of others just to get a laugh . Throwing our alarm clock at the wall during an argument . Treating you as a subservient person . Never supporting your decisions . Making you move to a new house without considering your needs . Telling you, "She's fine hon" when our daughter fell off the swing set backwards and you were in anguish . Trying to get a laugh by calling you an asshole when you went to all of the trouble to give me a surprise birthday party .”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“Insulting your intelligence. Not making you feel special and appreciated . All the times I continued to do things when you asked me to stop. Using the silent treatment to get what I wanted. Choosing to ignore you until you said you were sorry when we had a fight . Expecting sex whenever I wanted it but not giving it when you did . Not meeting your emotional needs and driving you to get them from another man . Not recognizing just how strong of a person you are . Making you wear a bathing suit when you were pregnant so I could make fun of you. All of the times that I didn't do things around the house because I knew you would do them eventually. Not doing more upkeep on our house. Having so many hobbies and interest and not simply appreciating you, the kids, our home, and our life. Always finding something to criticize about you. Not nurturing you . Not building you up but always tearing you down. Not complimenting you more. Taking you for granted. Not taking care of my body more to give you something pleasing to look at. Not letting go . All the emails. Expecting my needs to be the first priority of the family because I was the head of the household . Not knowing the true meaning of being the head of the household . Not reading more with you . Getting mad at you about something 3 or 4 times a week, maybe more . Not learning to enjoy your hobbies with you . Not working in the yard with you more . Interrupting you when you talk . Always acting like the victim . Limiting your spending money by giving you an allowance . Being unhappy so many days of my life . Ingraining in you and the kids "Is dad mad?". Getting mad and not staying overnight at the marriage seminar a few years ago . All the 1000's of more times I’m not remembering of "being mad because ______”. Yelling at you 1000's of times. Not providing the means for you to fix up the house the way you wanted to. Destroying your dreams. Always having to struggle for money . Not going to kids events with you . Defending myself whenever you'd point out something I was doing to upset you or the kids. You being married to a man who was still a child in his emotional development. Not recognizing how hurt you were . Being verbally abusive . Taking my misery out on you and the kids . My ego and my pride . Putting you first instead of God . Making you feel as if you never measured up . Crushing the tender flower in you . Not building the children up spiritually . Always thinking your issues were no big deal . All the tax problems . Not paying all our bills . Being lazy . Thinking I always had all the answers . Never apologizing . Never backing down. Telling you why you shouldn't feel the way you felt about things . Not learning the true meaning of a godly man and godly marriage. Having to make you suffer because of my fear of abandonment . Asking you to do things during sex that you didn’t like or were not comfortable doing . Any event(s) that are strong in your mind that I have failed to recognize in this list that was ever hurtful, disrespectful or disappointing to you. Making you have to divorce me. There was no other way for me to wake up and realize exactly the person I have been and how I was in our marriage. I am waking up.”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“Always having to control every situation, we ever faced . Thinking you were intellectually inferior to me . Not respecting your mother more . Getting angry with you that one time because you didn’t get the right car part when I had a car problem . Causing us to have to get rid of our dogs when we moved from that new house. Blaming you for not speaking up about you not wanting me to buy the business . Giving you an ultimatum to have sex with me in order for me to marry you . Forcing you into premarital sex .”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“One simply is not born abusive. It is a learned behavior and anything learned can be unlearned by those willing.”
― Austin James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“Teri, I am sorry for.. Yelling at you and making you get out of the car and walk when we had an argument about not spending enough time at my mom's while we were dating. Telling you I thought your butt was getting big, even if said in a joking manner.”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“of you . Not being more financially responsible about saving money for our future . Quitting my jobs without sitting down and valuing your input . Not recognizing you are my wise council. Not realizing that the majority of times, your decisions would have been right and mine were wrong. Never being able to say I was wrong for so many years. Forcing you to take diving lessons for my pleasure, not yours . Me being more interested in the baseball game than the birth of our daughter . The "Me Tarzan, you Jane" mentality I had for the majority of our marriage . Taking your clothes and giving them to goodwill when I got mad at you . Not giving you the dream marriage you had hoped for . Not being the man you thought I'd be and the one I fooled you into thinking I was . I am sorry that I ever stopped buying you jewelry to show off your beauty . Thinking I could read your mind . Thinking that I always knew what was best for you . Not bringing God into our marriage and becoming a godly man . Treating you terribly most of the time.”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“Being an arrogant jerk . Learning to be a master manipulator of you. Thinking I knew you like a book so I could become a master manipulator. Ripping open all our wedding cards without recording the names and dollar amounts given so we could send proper thank you cards. Never helping you send out those Thank You cards. Not helping much around the house. Treating you as a sex object . Putting my mother first in our relationship more times than I can possibly remember . Thinking our problems were because”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“Yelling at you when you felt bad about something and I couldn't control you . Being”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners, Understanding Covert Incest, by Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D.”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out

“Making you feel guilty because you did not want to lend me $400 to buy the Radio Shack computer many years ago. Using anger as a tool to get what I wanted, no matter the cost to you. Going to my cave for days or weeks on end . When I went to my cave not talking to you as a way to punish you. I knew it hurt you tremendously . Telling you how to dress as if you were my piece of property that I could use to display any way I wanted . Not appreciating every meal you worked hard to prepare for me . Yelling at you when you felt bad about something and I couldn't control you .”
― Austin F. James, Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out