Ross Mathews > Quotes

“My chicken parmesan tasted a little saltier than I would've liked, undoubtedly because it was seasoned with my tears.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!

“I have my retirement all planned out. I can't wait to sit on my lanai in a wicker chair (by the way, I always picture my retirement fantasies in the house from The Golden Girls) and reflect on my life. I'll have a wonderful, leathery tan and a long, silver ponytail even if I'm balding on top. Yes, I'll be THAT guy. I'll also, for the record, insist on wearing only kimonos, turquoise jewelry, and slip-on orthopedic shoes at all times.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!

“Of course, my main concern was you. My only fear was that you could be hurt. I wanted to go out and fight for you, because I didn’t know what else to do. It’s just a protective instinct that parents have. I’d tell parents this: your job is to protect, support, and love your children no matter what, so just keep doing your job.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence

“I revealed everything to her as we sat in my Fort Tempo in the parking lot of Cinema Five after seeing Spice World: The Spice Girls Movie.

"Carrie, can I tell you something?" I took off my oversized sunglasses and put them in my Spice Girls unisex tote bag.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!

“Everyone in my life knew I was looking for my doggie soul mate, Louise. Yes, Louise. Why Louise, you ask? On the rare occasions when my precocious puppy misbehaves at the dog park, I could sing out, "Geez, Louise!" while racing after her.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!

“Instead, play it cool, heed the advice of Wilson Phillips, and "Hold on for one more day....”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!

“This is how I define man up: you are what you are, and the sooner you stop hating what makes you unique and start celebrating it and using it to make you stand out from the crowd, the better your life will be.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence

“I wore my visor proudly alongside the unflinchingly honest Veronica. “Why you wear girl hat for?” “Because, Veronica, this is America and, male or female, hat hair doesn’t discriminate.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence

“376-6591.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence

“I was getting fatter. It was no wonder, considering I was eating enough deep-fried food to feed everyone at a Midwestern county fair. Eventually one of my favorite coworkers, Veronica—a sassy, tell-it-like-it-is Chola mom of cinco—told me one day, “You face is good. But why you so fat for?”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence

“Cuz honey, if you’ve got it, don’t camouflage it, camou-flaunt it!”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence

“But, sometimes the most important part of learning who you are is discovering who you aren’t.”
― Ross Mathews, Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence