VIVIAN ELLINGTON > Quotes

“You may feel the need to prove you have changed. You may feel the need to show that you are responsible, loving, fair, loyal, grateful, or reasonable. You may feel that if they do not see your growth, your growth is incomplete. But growth does not require their recognition to be real. It is painful when they cannot see it. It may affect what kind of relationship is possible. It may limit trust. It may require boundaries. But their refusal to update the story does not erase the work you have done.”
― VIVIAN ELLINGTON, FAMILY SCAPEGOAT, TOXIC FAMILY ROLES, AND THE BLAME YOU CARRY: A Practical Guide for Adult Children Blamed by Family, Trapped in Toxic Roles, and Tired ...

“You explain because you believe clarity should help. You defend yourself because you believe the truth should matter. You revisit old events because the family keeps describing them incorrectly. You add more context because someone has removed the context. You soften your language because you do not want your anger to become the issue. You apologize for the parts you can own because you hope that accountability will invite accountability from others.”
― VIVIAN ELLINGTON, FAMILY SCAPEGOAT, TOXIC FAMILY ROLES, AND THE BLAME YOU CARRY: A Practical Guide for Adult Children Blamed by Family, Trapped in Toxic Roles, and Tired ...