A.J. Drenth > Quotes

“To illustrate what a personality preference is, I like to compare it to hand dominance. As we all know, a right-handed person will prefer to use her right hand for the majority of tasks, especially those requiring fine motor skills, such as writing. This of course doesn't mean that she never uses her left hand, but only that it tends to play more of a supportive, rather than a dominant or leading role.
The same is true for our personality preferences. While we may at times use our non-dominant preferences, in most situations we prefer to lead with our dominant ones. Not only does this feel more comfortable and natural, but typically produces better results.”
― A.J. Drenth

“Although nurture does not change our basic personality type, it can in some ways cloud or impair our ability to accurately perceive our true type. Imagine, for instance, an extravert raised as an only child in a rural area, with no one but her parents to talk to. Such a child would seem far more likely to develop her introverted capacities than one raised with multiple siblings, which may in turn compromise her ability to grasp her true status as an extravert.”
― Dr. A.J. Drenth, My True Type: Clarifying Your Personality Type, Preferences & Functions

“Because INTPs are relatively ill-equipped to navigate emotionally-difficult situations, their inferior Fe is inclined to do all it can to defend itself. Hence, in emotionally intense or chaotic situations, INTPs may suddenly be overwhelmed with feelings of rage and anger, which, left unmitigated, may quickly transport them to the dark side.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“While ITPs undoubtedly need other people, they may fail to consistently acknowledge this need or invest in their relationships. This can result in a pattern of broken or abandoned relationships, or, at its worst, complete social isolation. Furthermore, the inferior function may beckon ITPs to generalize (Fe) their own Ti views or methods, which may include grandiose dreams of fame or recognition (Fe). It can also engender naïve views of love, manifesting as childlike sentimentalism or romantic idealism. ITPs’ status as inner judgers may at times lead them to mistype as J types, while their inferior Fe may contribute to their mistyping as feelers.”
― A.J. Drenth

“Since ENPs are strong intuitives, they may confuse being intuitive with being introverted, since both I and N can be associated with reflectiveness. ENPs may also be less physically active than other extraverts, since it is really their mind that is most actively engaging with the world. So while their attention is still outwardly directed, the predominantly mental nature of their extraversion may serve as a point of confusion. Our”
― A.J. Drenth, My True Type: Clarifying Your Personality Type, Preferences & Functions

“First, the moment INTPs stop sharing certain thoughts with their partners is the moment they begin to detach from and devalue them. At that moment, the INTP is no longer relating to his or her partner, but has chosen to become a free agent.

Second, when INTPs fail to share their thoughts, the relationship immediately becomes less interesting to them. Remember, the most honest and authentic reason for INTPs to be in a relationship is to learn and explore with their partner. So as soon as they turn down an independent path and start moving away from their partner, they have forsaken the primary purpose of the relationship.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“The problem is that INTPs are not nearly as nice as the nice guy persona suggests. Their extraverted side is more of a social façade than a true representation of their inner selves. It therefore seems appropriate that INTPs, as well as their partners, take an honest look at who the INTP really is (and is not). Generally speaking, INTPs are not social butterflies with strong interests in the lives of others. They are more like lone wolves, fiercely independent and absorbed in their own thoughts and affairs.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“Music, in particular, can have a powerful effect on INTPs, stirring their Fe in what can feel like divine and powerful ways.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“INTPs seem more inclined toward cerebral narcissism than most other types. While Vaknin sees the narcissist’s chance of recovery as relatively slim, I tend to disagree, especially for those with milder cases. In my experience, as INTPs mature and develop, their need for ego affirmation gradually diminishes and is supplanted by a healthier sense of self-worth.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“INTPs desperately want to know who they are, how they should live, and the sorts of things they should be doing. Similar to other IN types, INTPs see it necessary to understand themselves—their personality, interests, abilities, and values—before they can act in the world with any degree of confidence or conviction.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“Since Fe is INTPs’ inferior function, it is often more sensitive and less resilient than it is in FJ types. This can make INTPs extremely uncomfortable in emotional situations, especially those involving potential conflict or disharmony. Because of their Fe's concern for maintaining external harmony (or what may be better understood as its discomfort with disharmony), INTPs may abstain from expressing their judgments in order to avoid unsettling others. While not as overtly warm or effusive as FJ types, INTPs can be sensitive to others’ feelings and may go out of their way to avoid hurting or offending them. For instance, in the midst of a discussion, an INTP may want to explain how human mating practices are primarily a product of evolutionary pressures. But if she suspects that others may take offense to such an explanation, she may withhold it to avoid introducing disharmony. Although functioning as superficial peacemakers, INTPs are generally slower to go out of their way to help others (at least in direct, hands-on ways). Especially early in their development, most forgo community service and avoid investing extensive time and energy helping others. This is particularly evident when under stress. If burdened by too many external pressures or demands, INTPs' willingness to help others is one of the first things to go. In short, INTPs’ Fe is more concerned with preserving harmony than it is with extensive helping. This is especially true early in life, when they have yet to achieve their Ti goals. Once those goals have been satisfactorily met, however, they may become more benevolent. We can see this with Einstein, for instance, who displayed increasing beneficence and generosity toward people in the second half of his life.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“INTPs can be hoarders and misers of time. Their objective is to maximize time to themselves for exploring and developing their interests. So whenever another person enters their personal space, INTPs may worry over what might happen to their cherished time. If INTPs are happy in their careers, time may be a relative non-issue, since they will have plenty of time to satisfy their Ti and Ne at work. If not, however, they may come to see their partner as a potential threat to their time and freedom.

With all that said, what would seem an admirable reason for INTPs to participate in a relationship is out of genuine interest in their partner. This would typically involve a love for his or her mind and ideas, the type of partner David Keirsey has dubbed a “mindmate.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“While their Ti pushes for closure, Ne counters by rallying for more options and alternatives. In many cases, Ne wins out, interjecting just enough new or contradictory information to keep INTPs in a state of indecision. Indeed, it is not uncommon for INTPs to feel entirely confident one day, only to feel ambivalent and uncertain the next.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“Ideally, INTPs might envision their lives unfolding in the following way: 1) acquire adequate self-knowledge; 2) apply that self-knowledge to procure a fulfilling work life; 3) find someone to share that life with.

Unfortunately, what often happens is quite the opposite. Before really knowing themselves, they dive into a career, get married, have children, and suddenly find themselves dissatisfied in their careers and relationships. They then feel stuck, seeing it as overly difficult to change or reinvent their careers, or to heal or discontinue their relationships. They therefore live out much of their lives in limbo, feeling restless, aimless, and dissatisfied.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“INTP is one of sixteen personality types. INTPs love to think and philosophize. They see themselves as questing for truth and meaning. Not only do they seek to know the truth about reality, but to cultivate an abundant and meaningful life. Unfortunately, getting a firm hold on truth and meaning often proves trickier than they anticipate.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“Despite their difficulty in connecting with others on a feeling level, INTPs’ Fe still desires the same sense of affirmation and validation that FJs experience when engaging with people. This desire for affirmation can be seen as a motivating force behind INTPs' quest for recognition and achievement. It also explains why many INTPs score high as Enneagram Threes (3) and display certain narcissistic tendencies.
Since INTPs rely on others for affirmation, they often feel they cannot live without at least one other person in their lives. Their fear of being alone or unneeded may play a significant role in their perceived need for romantic relationships. There are also times, however, when INTPs feel incredibly independent (Ti) and may even convince themselves they don’t need other people. This is especially true in periods where they are completely absorbed in the creative flow of their work. But after long droughts of human interaction, INTPs begin to feel that something is missing from their lives. This prompts them to reinitiate contact with others, at least until they feel compelled to assert their independence again.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“Types with Si in their functional stack, including INTPs, tend to eat a fairly routine or consistent diet, "eating to live" rather than "living to eat." They are also conservative with regard to their resources, tending toward saving over spending. Minimalists to the core, INTPs have a diminished need for novel physical pleasures and material comforts. Their mates may get frustrated with their tendency to shoot down proposed expenditures, most of which seem superfluous or otherwise unnecessary to the bare bones pragmatist that is the INTP”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“INTP is one of sixteen personality types. INTPs love to think and philosophize. They see themselves as questing for truth and meaning.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“For long-term compatibility, INTPs need a partner who allows them to functional authentically as INTPs, including granting them sufficient freedom of action and expression. They seek a partner with similar intellectual interests and capacities, or what David Keirsey has called a “mindmate.”

When paired with a mindmate, INTPs feel that, at any given moment, there is potential for a meaningful exploration of ideas with their partner. INTPs may be especially drawn to those with knowledge and interests overlapping with their own, making way for a sort of co-exploration of truth.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“For most INTPs, their Fe is rather naive and childlike. They may be easily moved by cheesy romantic comedies or sappy love songs, anything that unconsciously incites their Fe emotions. Their emotional naiveté can make them easy targets for love-at-first-sight sorts of infatuation.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“While they can certainly derive great pleasure from reflection and contemplation, there are times when they fatigue of thinking, feel they have reached a dead end, or just want to “get out of their own head.” When this occurs, INTPs may struggle to find meaningful alternatives. Since their purpose and identity often revolve around N pursuits, they may view S activities as essentially pointless or mundane. This can create a situation in which their happiness seems to hinge almost entirely on the success of their N affairs. And since periods of inspiration and N success are bound to ebb and flow, they may find themselves trapped in a sort of bipolar existence—ecstatic one moment, down and depressed the next.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“Unfortunately, life rarely allows INTPs to remain in a state of Ti utopia for long. At some point, they must poke their head out of their shell and engage with people. And where there are people, there are bound to be Fe problems.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“While FPs may invest in the well-being of select individuals (e.g., their children), Fi is not authentically concerned with, nor does it feel responsible for, the overall feeling tenor of groups. FPs”
― A.J. Drenth, My True Type: Clarifying Your Personality Type, Preferences & Functions

“INTPs can also be rather slow in disclosing the true contents of their inner world. As strange as it may seem to some, INTPs conceal some of their most dominant personality features, namely, their cerebral, rational side. Indeed, it may only be a select few who are granted full access to this side of the INTP. Perhaps the best way of sampling INTPs’ inner world is through their work, such as by reading something they have written. This may explain why INTPs often take interest in writing, which provides a forum for more robust and precise self-expression.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“They may also refrain from expressing judgments because they have yet to settle an issue in their own minds. INTPs never want to be seen as dogmatic, closed-minded, or unnuanced in their thinking. Relatedly, they are naturally slow to advise others, especially with regard to F-related matters. This is because INTPs don’t want to get it wrong, to deal with the aftermath of being wrong, or to make decisions that involve or affect other people.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“In contending with their own inner beast, they may experience any number of dark thoughts or urges. These may range from suicidal thoughts, to intense feelings of hatred, to fantasies of criminal acts. Generally, such thoughts are rather short-lived, truncated by a diminishment of the emotion, effective distractions, a return of Ti reasonability, or some combination thereof. But if INTPs dwell in darkness for any sustained period of time, they may find themselves in serious trouble. Of all types, they are probably the least likely to seek outside help, putting them at greater risk for becoming a victim of their own dark side.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“If I can train my mind and body to be a perfect vessel for satisfying experience, then I will be protected against the vicissitudes of life that might otherwise threaten me.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“INTPs deplore doing things in standard, predefined ways. As Ti-Ne types, standardization runs against their grain. INTPs thrive on doing things their own way, developing and employing their own Ti approach. This makes them reluctant to function as employees, loathing the idea of answering to someone else. INTPs also struggle to embrace an organization’s vision and methods as their own. In many respects, they are control freaks. They want to be in full control of themselves and avoid being controlled or managed by others.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“Ti and Ne might well be viewed as “freedom-seeking” functions, contributing to the INTP’s status as the most fiercely independent of all types. Indeed, INTPs deplore being told what to do or how they should do something. They want to do things their own way and in their own time. This can inspire them to resist or rebel against, even if only inwardly, various rules, laws, and authorities perceived as potential threats to their freedom and autonomy. These threats may come in the form of governmental or corporate power; INTPs are wary of both. Consequently, almost all INTPs, at least at some point in their lives, will gravitate toward some sort of anarchist or libertarian philosophy.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

“According to Schallock, a healthier way for INTPs to operate is to move from the top of the functional stack downward, including spending ample time in Perceiving mode.”
― A.J. Drenth, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning