Lani Lynn Vale > Quotes

“Why do people say, "Grow some balls"?  Balls are weak and sensitive.  If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina.  Those things can take a pounding. -Betty White”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Highway Don't Care

“Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to see the crazy in the eyes. -Life Lesson”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Center Mass

“Don’t half ass anything. Whatever you do, use your full ass. -Coffee Cup”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Center Mass

“If one door closes and another suddenly opens… your house is probably haunted.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Last Day of My Life

“When a woman says “What,” it’s not because she didn’t hear you, it’s because she’s giving you a chance to amend your answer.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Texas Tornado

“When shit hits the fan, and everyone around you is losing their mind, find the silent guy. The one that looks calm enough to take a nap. He’s about to fuck something up, and you’ll want to follow him. -Rule of Thumb Griffin”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Whiskey Neat

“I read to escape reality, not to have reality intrude in my fairytales.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Lights To My Siren

“You can tell a woman’s mood by watching her hands. For instance, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Texas Tornado

“I’m not saying you’re a slut. I’m just surprised Facebook hasn’t made your vagina a place to ‘check in’ yet.” Ember emphasized.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Last Day of My Life

“Woman,” he growled into my ear, “You were mine before we even left the bar.  I saw you walk in and knew right then and there that you were going to be mine.” ”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Boomtown

“If you’re arguing with your woman, and she says, ‘go ahead, I don’t care,’ don’t listen to her. It’s a trick.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Execution Style

“There is a fine line between wearing makeup and looking like Crayola gangbanged your face.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Lights To My Siren

“Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Another One Bites the Dust

“Jingle Bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away. Jacob cries, Bella dies, Harry Potter all the way. Hey! -T-shirt”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Double Tap

“I hope you fall down with your hands in your pockets. -E-Card”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Double Tap

“I will not keep calm. I will raise hell and break shit. -T-shirt”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Charge To My Line

“Did it hurt?” Payton asked Amanda. She looked confused. “Did what hurt?” “When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Last Day of My Life

“The most deadly mammal on the planet is a silent, smiling woman. -Note to self”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Charlie Foxtrot

“If all else fails, take a pointer from your dog. Kick some grass over that shit and move on.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Bang Switch

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Translation: Bitches be crazy, so don’t fuck with them.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Last Day of My Life

“Treat your woman like a princess, and fuck her like a whore.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Life To My Flight

“Yeah, I say that now…because I can’t hold it in anymore. I’ve loved you since you sold me a dildo I didn’t need,”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Whiskey Neat

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. But it’s not my fault you’re stupid. -Fact of life”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Charlie Foxtrot

“It’s throat punch Thursday, and I’m offering free tickets.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Life To My Flight

“After watching copious amounts of crime shows, I concluded that serial killers only target young attractive women with matching panty and bra sets. I feel much safer now.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Texas Tornado

“As soon as this day’s over, I plan on having a nervous breakdown. Feel free to leave me the fuck alone, or you’ll be pulled in with me. On the plus side, there’ll be ice cream, so it won’t be all bad.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Center Mass

“Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the jackass whisperer.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Double Tap

“She asked me to say something sexy to her, so I whispered, “I’m a fireman.”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Halligan to My Axe

“Scream. Yell. Pinch. Kick. All of that is fine. Just don’t cry. If you cry, then I start feeling punchy. And nobody likes it when I start feeling punchy. -Luke to Reese”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Center Mass

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will probably be put on YouTube by the time you make bail. -Fact of life”
― Lani Lynn Vale, Center Mass