Bart King > Quotes

“you make me feel intelligent, especially when you talk”
― Bart King, The Pocket Guide to Mischief

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“to a person zoning out- "your display is on screen saver”
― Bart King, The Pocket Guide to Mischief

“Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?”     —Rita Rudner Long”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“The two girls sit and face each other. One girl will apply makeup to the other’s face, but the trick is that the girl applying the makeup has to do it blindfolded! That’s why it’s important that the makeup be safe to use on the face, especially if it accidentally gets on the lips or eyes. The audience can gather around and watch (no hints!) as the blindfolded girl applies makeup. When she’s done, the two girls switch roles, but nobody is allowed to look in the mirror until both are done. Then they can look! Option:”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“a 24-year-old carpenter in the Philippines was told a joke by a friend. The carpenter thought the joke was so funny, he laughed until he cried, collapsed, and then died. (Although I know what the joke was, I cannot tell it to you for your own safety.)”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Boy Stuff

“Another possibility is to use the Captain”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Superheroes

“Who was scarier - the girl who didn't care about the bigger picture, or the kids who did care, but were looking at the wrong picture?”
― Bart King, The Drake Equation

“Sneaking, Following & Escaping! I got in trouble the first time I went out on a mission. It was just myself and an agent named [name deleted]. As the two of us made dead drops, staked out enemy agents, and stopped for a quick shopping trip (I had a coupon for pickles!), I’d tweet our precise location. (I did this so my mother would know that her favorite child was safe.) But when [name deleted] found out what I was doing, she was NOT amused. She took away my iPhone, broke my Twitter account, and confiscated my pickle jar. Luckily, I had another coupon!”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Spy Stuff

“KAMU: Kiss and make up”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“just rub two Boy Scouts together for a spark. If”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Boy Stuff

“Always accept all compliments. Ignore any other remarks.”     —Kay Oss”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“Other Terms for Bombs flatulence backdoor trumpets air biscuits morning thunder cutting the cheese barking spiders depth charges butt bongos wind beneath your wings laying an egg stink-tail”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Boy Stuff

“Friends are like bras: Close to your heart and there for your support!”     —Emily Glitter”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“the Internet! You knew the Mad Scientists invented the World Wide Web, right? Yep, back in the 1970s, the “Net” was a project designed to help with military communication. And here’s the beauty of DARPA’s mad scientists: they share their inventions whenever they can. Whenever DARPA comes up with an invention that will help society, they give it away. So, we ALL get to use the Internet. Thanks, DARPA!”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Spy Stuff

“Dancing en pointe, or up on the toes, was not originally part of ballet. It came about in the early 1800s as a way of making the dancers appear lighter and more graceful. The”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“*The Statue of Liberty wears size 879 shoes!”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“A girl has shorter vocal cords than a boy, so it actually takes less effort for her to talk. As for boys‚ their vocal cords double in length during puberty. This can make it a lot of work for them to spit something out! Guys are four times more likely than girls to have a stuttering problem. So, because many boys aren’t as good at talking as girls, they do less of it.”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“He rejected me! I am so hurt and mad. Can I destroy him?”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“Your voice could peel scales off a donkey’s butt.”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Boy Stuff

“Q. How does flirting work? A. The simplest and least embarrassing way to flirt is just to make eye contact with that special someone. Then hold the look for around two seconds. (That’s an eternity in flirt time!) Going too much longer turns it into a staring contest, which is sort of weird and NOT flirting anymore. While you’re making eye contact, smile. Then look away. That’s flirting!”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“Can I borrow your face for a few days while my butt is on vacation?”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Boy Stuff

“*When Queen Elizabeth I (1533–1603) found out who had published a nasty pamphlet about her, she had the authors’ right hands cut off. Now there’s an idea! (Or not.) For the moment, let’s say that a Mean Girl is treating you”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Crisscross, applesauce, I hate boys!”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“Dolphins. They think they’re so cute. Oh, look at me, I’m a flippy little dolphin, let me flip for you.”     —Chum in Finding Nemo”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“I hope you will leave the world a better place than you found it.”     —Jane Yolen”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“In the 1500s, it was a crime to be caught kissing in Naples, Italy. The punishment? Death!”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“UR O-O: You are cool”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff

“Where do girls come from?”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Boy Stuff

“Porta-Potty Tip: Breathe through your mouth. AND DON’T LOOK DOWN.”
― Bart King, The Big Book of Girl Stuff