Ian Kerner > Quotes

“Some literary recommendations: James Salter’s erotic masterpiece, A Sport and a Pastime; Anais Nin’s collections of short stories Delta of Venus and Little Birds; the erotic novels Emanuelle by Emanuelle Arsan and Story of O by Pauline Réage; Harold Brodkey’s sexual saga “Innocence”—perhaps the greatest depiction of a session of cunnilingus ever penned; novels by Jerzy Kosinski such as Passion Play and Cockpit; Henry Miller’s Under the Roofs of Paris and Quiet Days in Clichy; My Secret Life by Anonymous and The Pure and the Impure by Colette; Nancy Friday’s anthology of fantasies, Secret Garden (filled with the correspondence of real people’s fantasies); stories from The Mammoth Book of Erotica or one of the many erotic anthologies edited by Susie Bright. For those with a taste for poetry, try Les Fleurs du Mal (Flowers of Evil) by Charles Baudelaire or Flesh Unlimited by Guillaume Apollinaire. And for those who like comic books (kinky ones, that is), try the extra-hot works of writer/illustrator Eric Stanton, who specializes in female-domination fantasies.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“I came to the realization that I needed to become my best self in order to attract the kind of guy I would want to marry. If I wanted someone truly fabulous, I had better become truly fabulous first.”
― Ian Kerner, Be Honest—You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve

“The difference between the right word and the nearly right word is the same as that between lightning and the lightning bug.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“One should not make more assumptions than are absolutely necessary.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“As Aristotle observed, “A beautiful object, whether it be a living organism or any whole composed of parts, must not only have an orderly arrangement of parts, but must also be of a certain magnitude; for beauty depends on magnitude and order.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“Imagine going through years of your life with the gut feeling that none of it really matters yet, that it will start at some point in the future, and that the present doesn't really count. Does this feeling seem familiar? Have you ever told yourself that everything will ultimately fall into place once you [fill in the blank]? Who wouldn't wind up numbed to real hope and possibility after exerting so much energy for stuff that really doesn't matter?”
― Ian Kerner, Be Honest—You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve

“SEX IS THE MAIN way guys express their emotions. Making love is our way of saying “I love you” and truly feeling it, as well as really meaning it. While women generally deem closeness a prerequisite for engaging in sex, for a man, having sex is the main way of achieving a true sense of closeness with a woman. Brain”
― Ian Kerner, Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man

“What that means is you’re no longer looking for a protector or a provider but a partner on equal footing.”
― Ian Kerner, Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve – A Sex Therapist's Guide to Modern Hookups and Dating

“Anthropologists have long observed that women are “face-to-face” communicators, while men do so “side-by side.” This means that women are much more comfortable with direct eye contact, which probably has a lot to do with the female history of nursing, cuddling, and generally fawning over their infants all the while staring lovingly into those big baby eyes. Men, on the other hand, find direct eye contact extremely confrontational. As Helen Fisher wrote in her remarkable book, Why We Love, “this response probably stems from men’s ancestry. For many millennia men faced their enemies; they sat or walked side by side as they hunted game with their friends.”
― Ian Kerner, Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man

“As long as you’re living in the meantime, you’ll never really know what you’re missing. And by doing so, your life is just a rehearsal for a performance that never comes.”
― Ian Kerner, Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve – A Sex Therapist's Guide to Modern Hookups and Dating

“In The Cradle of Erotica by A. Edwardes and R.E.L. Masters, we are told that during the Tang Dynasty, the Empress Wu Hu ruled China. She knew that sex and power were inexorably linked, and she decreed that government officials and visiting dignitaries must pay homage to her imperial highness by performing cunnilingus upon her. No joke. Old paintings depict the beautiful, powerful empress standing and holding her ornate robe open while a high nobleman or diplomat is shown kneeling before her, applying his lips and tongue to her royal mound.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.” —Clark Gable,”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“I was sure that on my gravestone, my epitaph would read, 'He came. He saw. And then he came again.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“While compromising may be the name of the game in the world of business, in this candy land we call love, it is not compromising your standards and remembering what you really want and deserve that will ultimately win the day.”
― Ian Kerner, Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve – A Sex Therapist's Guide to Modern Hookups and Dating

“The Cultural Psychology of the Clitoris,”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“you cannot plunge in blindly…lest you miss the forest for the trees and there be no end to your labors.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“Blowing into a woman’s vagina may cause an embolism and lead to death.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“Imagine going through years of your life with the gut feeling that none of it really matters yet, that it will start at some point in the future, and that the present doesn't really count. Does this feeling seem familiar? Have you ever told yourself that everything will ultimately fall into place once you [fill in the blank]? Who wouldn't wind up numbed to real hope and possibility after exerting so much energy for stuff that really doesn't matter?”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“All in all, it does not appear that ejaculation, voluntary or involuntary, does much to enhance the pleasure of orgasm. To that end, a woman’s time would be better spent on Kegel exercises and the strengthening of the pelvic floor muscles—an exercise known to increase the quality of orgasmic contractions.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“Again we take our cue from Strunk and White: “Before beginning to compose something, gauge the nature and extent of the enterprise, and work from a suitable design…”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“according to the authors of Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, “Twice as many women who went to college have given or received oral sex as compared to those who did not finish high school and twice as many of those better-educated women had or received oral sex the last time they had sex.” Whereas”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs.” —The Communist Manifesto”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“Fantasize, together: Take a page from The Thousand and One Nights and incorporate a story into foreplay. If you’re not a born storyteller, try reading one aloud together. Some literary recommendations: James Salter’s erotic masterpiece, A Sport and a Pastime; Anais Nin’s collections of short stories Delta of Venus and Little Birds; the erotic novels Emanuelle by Emanuelle Arsan and Story of O by Pauline Réage; Harold Brodkey’s sexual saga “Innocence”—perhaps the greatest depiction of a session of cunnilingus ever penned; novels by Jerzy Kosinski such as Passion Play and Cockpit; Henry Miller’s Under the Roofs of Paris and Quiet Days in Clichy; My Secret Life by Anonymous and The Pure and the Impure by Colette; Nancy Friday’s anthology of fantasies, Secret Garden (filled with the correspondence of real people’s fantasies); stories from The Mammoth Book of Erotica or one of the many erotic anthologies edited by Susie Bright. For those with a taste for poetry, try Les Fleurs du Mal (Flowers of Evil) by Charles Baudelaire or Flesh Unlimited by Guillaume Apollinaire. And for those who like comic books (kinky ones, that is), try the extra-hot works of writer/illustrator Eric Stanton,”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“When the Tigress plays, the dragon whips its tail.”
― Ian Kerner, Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man

“Fantasy also helps your mind to shut down, an important component of the female orgasm. A recent study in which male and female brains were scanned during sexual arousal revealed that women virtually fall into a ‘trance’ during orgasm and that this brain “deactivity” is necessary for a female to orgasm. A big part of female arousal, much more so than of male arousal, seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety. Fantasy helps that happen. Says”
― Ian Kerner, Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man

“For many millennia men faced their enemies; they sat or walked side by side as they hunted game with their friends.” So unless you want your words to send him into battle, use evolution to your advantage and have a sex talk with him while taking a walk or drive, or just sitting comfortably next to each other on the couch. Prepare”
― Ian Kerner, Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man

“Your Head • They don’t call it “giving head” for nothing. Cunnilingus involves more than just the use of your tongue. You need to get your whole face in there. Your nose should be buried lightly in her mound, with your upper lip and mustache area resting firmly against the front edge of her pubic bone. You should be able to easily use your upper lip and gum to provide light pressure against her front commissure, the area just above the clitoral head where her outer lips meet. • As for your tongue, it should easily be able to rest against her vaginal entrance and cover its entire expanse from top to bottom. This position enables you to apply a full range of motion with your tongue: from long vigorous licks to deft persistent flicks, from keeping it flat and still to applying focused tongue-tip pressure. • All in all, you should be completely involved with her vulva; on top of it, buried in it: face, mouth, nose, gums, teeth, and tongue—all of which will be employed one way or another. If a filmmaker were capturing the event, very little would be seen beyond the still back of your head. Certainly, there would be few, if any, flashes of tongue. Standard Body Position”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“I held on to this fantasy like a stubborn little pit bull.”
― Ian Kerner, Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve – A Sex Therapist's Guide to Modern Hookups and Dating

“when it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man’s native tongue.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“This may sound weird, but I love to listen to whale music when a guy goes down on me. I have all these bizarre underwater fantasies. Sometimes I even imagine that I’m the female whale and that I’m being called by the male whale, with his like, what, fifty-foot cock.”
― Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman