Jenny Mollen > Quotes

“Tell this guy to eat a hundred-calorie pack of dicks.”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“..reading your ex's horoscope every week isn't going to help you control his life. No, you need to hide in his bushes, break into his email, or kidnap his dog if you want to effect any real change.”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“Indulge your inner sociopath.”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“It's always just a matter of what someone is willing to see and what someone is willing to ignore. I think we are all guilty of overlooking things if it suits our own agenda. But whenever we do, we are always setting ourselves up for disappointment.”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“The majority of our relationship took place over the phone, saving me tons of calories in unswallowed semen.”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“You mean poor?” I laughed in disbelief. “Speaking of which… maybe if I were actually getting paid for the work I’m doing here, the class divide wouldn’t be so big.” “It’s coming,” Vigo promised. “For real, when am I getting paid?”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“but motherhood was different. This was a vomit-inducing kind of love. An infinite joy mixed with infinite terror that never seemed to go away.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“women, all of whom come in two types: those who are totally batshit crazy, and those who are liars.”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“Just winging it. My motto for life and eyeliner.” I laughed to myself. She really did have the most corny captions.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“I need everyone to love me. My feelings of inadequacy and lack of parental attachment have made me one of those sick bitches who can't tolerate being ignored. My parents say all the right things when they are pretending to listen to me. But the truth is, they are more like cats. They accidentally had a litter of kittens, and then emotionally moved on to whatever ball of yarn rolled past their line of sight. When self-obsessed people breed, they make empty people like me who spend the rest of their time on earth trying to gain the love and approval they didn't get as children. This doesn't excuse my behavior. It's just to say, if my parents had actually noticed me, I probably wouldn't care so much about whether everyone else on the planet adored me. Unfortunately, I'm a bottomless pit of need.”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“There are tons of copycats out there, so in a week every Becky With The Long Hair is going to have this exact shot,” she said. “That’s why it’s important to act fast. You always want to be the first ’grammer to capture whatever the next cultural phenomenon is.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“Crazy” is just a word boring people use to describe fun people. And I am really, really fun!”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“Something about having been with the same man made me feel especially close to her-like she and I had a shorthand that only people who'd had the same penis inside them could understand.”
― Jenny Mollen, I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People

“They are paying me! I just got a job offer! Can we be happy for a minute before picking the whole thing apart?”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“If I didn’t start pulling in more cash, we were going to end up living with Iliya’s mom and her fake Faberge egg collection.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“The point is that we can’t afford to live in New York if both of us aren’t working. And if I keep hearing the Paw Patrol theme song all day every day, I’m going to have a psychotic breakdown.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“They need us to break them out of their monotonous, thankless jobs, their fuckedup marriages, their dysfunctional families, and all the depression that comes with age and mounting responsibility.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“was embarrassed that we were rushing out, but I knew that if we didn’t, Iliya was going to lose it. He gave zero fucks what Daphne or any of the people floating around us thought. And he would have no qualms sharing that information with them if given the opportunity.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“The blighted ovum story was a direct rip-off of Heidi Glick’s share from the Mompire dinner. It was now clear that there was no boundary she wouldn’t cross. No secret too sacred to share with the free world. Predictably, Daphne’s follower count jumped by the hundreds each time I refreshed the page.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“But we make it work. Sometimes with chipped gels and only a half hour of cardio— but we get by… I guess what I’m struggling with right now, as I watch my business grow and all these AMAZING opportunities come my way, is balance. Yes, that’s right, balance.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“Getting your kid into the right school was a ferociously competitive sport that made the Hunger Games look like ping-pong.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“A Wing Woman, Meg. That means female passengers only. My car, my choice. Eww! You guys have roaches!” she shrieked, dropping a box of cheddar bunnies to the floor and watching them fly everywhere.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“I do care about you!” She reached out for my arm, and I pulled back. “But I care about a lot of people. And you were getting a little intense. I think you might be putting too much weight on what happened between us on the boat.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“wanted to believe Marilyn, but I just couldn’t. It didn’t add up. Or rather, it did. I was paying the price for my misadventure. Daphne was still pissed and wanted to punish me.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“(clearly dedicated to preventing me from being raped by Satan while I slept).”
― Jenny Mollen, Live Fast Die Hot

“How are you so mellow about this? We are living in a roach-infested apartment with two children! This isn’t something we can just wait on.” I got up and stomped toward the bathroom door and flung it open.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“I clicked on her account, noting that her hiatus had lasted all of twenty-five minutes before she posted again with a video of her face trying not to move or blink, like she was one of those living statues you find in Washington Square Park. “I love you like Kanye loves Kanye,”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“What kind of weird Single White Female game are you playing?” Daphne walked straight up to me, ripping a clip-in extension off my head. She was not concerned about the welfare of my family.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“Where we grew up it was illegal to be Jewish,” Iliya said. “So yeah, we do Christmas even if we don’t do Jesus.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes

“Daphne had ascended to an enchanted place where everything was handed to her, whereas Marina made it her life’s work to shamelessly scheme and haggle and grab as much as she could take. They were both beasts, but from wildly different animal kingdoms.”
― Jenny Mollen, City of Likes