Mark Critch > Quotes

“Newfoundland is both a simple place and a complex one. The people are warm and friendly but their humour is sharp and biting. Newfoundland is always walking the line between prosperity and poverty. The people who live here are forced to go away for work, but they would never leave. This place is not black and white. It is as grey as the sky above it, the water around it, and the fog that links the two. It takes and it gives, just like the surrounding ocean. Sink or swim: it will make of you what it wants.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“I couldn’t play cello and I sucked at math. The world was as it should be.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“To be Canadian means to be only two things: not a Brit and not an American.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“I always wondered why they called them Vienna Sausages. I assume it’s because “Carcass Paste” wouldn’t sell.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“A Newfoundland sunbather is a sight to behold. It’s best to use protective eyewear.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“My mother had taken me to Woolco’s downtown to get my picture taken with Santa. Pictures with Santa are basically the same as a VIP backstage experience with a faded rock star.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“Families change and grow and shrink and evolve, but they remain families.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“They’re holding grief counselling in the room where the guy killed himself?”
― Mark Critch, An Embarrassment of Critch's: Immature Stories From My Grown-Up Life

“I was in a Newfoundland production of Lord of the Flies and my Piggy was a Fox. I was lord of the b’ys.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“My new material was working well and I had about a minute left when—right in the middle of my final set-up—the rocket alarm went off for a second time. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was being heckled by the Taliban.”
― Mark Critch, An Embarrassment of Critch's: Immature Stories From My Grown-Up Life

“This ragtag group of lost boys and girls seemed to answer the unasked question, What if Peter Pan sold weed?”
― Mark Critch, An Embarrassment of Critch's: Immature Stories From My Grown-Up Life

“The official studied the photo of me handing the prime minister a roll of toilet paper. I assume he thought that we must have been very close friends to fondle bathroom tissue so intimately together, because we were immediately given permission to film.”
― Mark Critch, An Embarrassment of Critch's: Immature Stories From My Grown-Up Life

“That makes you a Newfoundlander so KISS is a Newfoundland band. They used to be called KISS ME ARSE but they had to change it when they moved away.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“Newfoundland must be the only place on earth that went broke because it discovered oil.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“I couldn’t imagine what Dad would think seeing his youngest son wrestling another man nude on the main stage at the Arts and Culture Centre. This was not Montreal.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“It doesn’t matter how stupid the activity is. If you exclude some kids from taking part in it, they’ll do anything to join in. It’s why nightclubs have lines.”
― Mark Critch, Son of a Critch: A Childish Newfoundland Memoir

“Newfoundland was the only place in the world that I had”
― Mark Critch, An Embarrassment of Critch's: Immature Stories From My Grown-Up Life

“I think I know where that is” is not something you want to hear your bus driver say.”
― Mark Critch, An Embarrassment of Critch's: Immature Stories From My Grown-Up Life