Jessica Pan > Quotes

“It's not that we want others to fail, but we need to know that our own sorrows have echoes in others people's lives. That's what connects us. Strength may be impressive, but it's vulnerability that builds friendships.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“That’s the truth of the world, Jessica,” he says, casually full-naming me to let me know something big is coming. “Nobody waves—but everybody waves back."

I hear his mic drop all the way from Chicago.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“There's a simplicity and a sense of adventure to being alone, and I sometimes envy you for having it, as you explore Paris. Even when you're getting your heart broken, you can still wake up and not know what's going to happen next.”
― Jessica Pan, Graduates in Wonderland: The International Misadventures of Two (Almost) Adults

“Social anxiety is a completely normal experience. We are social animals. We want to be accepted by our peer groups and we do not want to be rejected. If people do not have any social anxiety, something is seriously wrong with them.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert’s Year of Living Dangerously

“I’m in search of something more than a new place, though. I’m in search of a feeling and a state of being: that magical time when you can’t possibly predict what’s going to happen next or whom you are going to meet or where they are going to take you. In this state, everything flows, every surprise is a delight, and new people guide you to special adventures.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“I don’t volunteer. I don’t participate in organized religion. I don’t play team sports. Where do selfish, godless, lazy people go to make friends? That’s where I need to be.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

“The main accepted definition is that introverts get their energy from being alone, whereas extroverts get their energy from being around other people.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

“Loneliness, on the other hand, has no age bracket. I used to think that exciting countries could keep you happy and warm on novelty alone. Now I know: you can move to Paris, delight in the city, drink your cafe au lait, but no matter how pretty the buildings and balconies are, eventually you're going to find yourself hugging the lamp posts for company like you're in Les Miserables.”
― Jessica Pan , Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“Talking is what bonds us to other people the most, and we are supposed to learn this through experience out in the real world, but I’d spent that time hibernating with a book.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

“nothing was ever accomplished by someone who sits in their apartment alone waiting for life to begin.”
― Jessica Pan, Graduates in Wonderland: The International Misadventures of Two (Almost) Adults

“The interlude before anything begins is always my favorite moment. So much unknown, but everything is already set up and we both know something is going to happen--but we just don't know how or when yet.”
― Jessica Pan, Graduates in Wonderland: The International Misadventures of Two (Almost) Adults

“The fear and bleak reality of being boring and dying having never connected with anyone is vastly underestimated.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

“small coven I could count on to cast spells on my enemies. Brené Brown calls these friends “move a body” friends. You know. The people you call when you accidentally murder somebody.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

“I had a lot of time to sit around and ponder: what did I really want from life? Really, I wanted a job, some new friends who I felt truly connected to and more confidence. Was that so much to ask? Surely not. So what were other people out there with jobs and close friends and rich, fulfilling lives doing that I wasn’t? Eventually, and with mounting fear, I realised: they were having new experiences, taking risks, making new connections. They were actually out there, living in the world instead of staring out at it.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“A man in his thirties raises his hand. “But people don’t always want to share their personal feelings and life, right? Some people might hate that.” Mark turns to him. He tells him, sure, maybe, but the fear of being intrusive is hugely exaggerated. The more important point is this: what we should actually fear is being boring and dying having never connected with anyone. Then he stares at all of us, meaningfully, and says it again, slowly. “The fear and bleak reality of being boring and dying having never connected with anyone is vastly underestimated.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“I fell in love with him. But I don't just stay with him by default as if there's no one else available. I stay with him because I choose to everyday that I wake up, everyday that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.”
― Jessica Pan, Graduates in Wonderland: The International Misadventures of Two (Almost) Adults

“I feel like the kindly village idiot wandering the city. But try as I might, I can’t get past the mundane. Stefan helped me make contact with strangers. Now I needed someone to help me connect with them.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“I hate flakiness, and I blame the Facebook ‘Maybe’ button,” she tells me. “It’s not OK to say maybe and see if something better comes up. I believe in saying a solid yes or no because it’s polite. Saying no is hard but ultimately makes you a better person. For example, I’ve been invited to lots of parties (which is so nice!), but I am saying no to lots of them because I simply don’t have time. It’s not rude; it’s being honest.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“Research says that we have the most friends we’ll ever have when we are twenty-nine, while other studies say we start to lose friends after the age of twenty-five.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

“Where do you go to make friends when you’re an adult? No, honestly, I’m asking, where do you do this? There are no more late-night study sessions or university social events. And while meeting friends at work is the obvious answer, your options are very limited if you don’t click with your colleagues or if you’re self-employed. (Also, if you’re only friends with people at work, who do you complain about your colleagues too?)
I don’t volunteer. I don’t participate in organised religion. I don’t play team sports.
Where do selfish, godless, lazy people go to make friends? That’s where I need to be.
Nearly all of my closest friends have been assigned to me: either via seating chats at school, university room-mates, or desk buddies at work. After taking stock, I realise that most of my friends were forced to sit one metre away from me for several hours at a time. I’ve never actively reached out to make a new friend who wasn’t within touching distance.
With no helpful administrators, just how do we go about making friends as adults? Is it possible to cultivate that intense closeness without the heady combination of naivety, endless hours of free time on hand and lack of youthful inhibitions? Or is that lost for ever after we hit thirty?”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“So you’re saying you could come to London and just talk to strangers up and down the Tube all day long?’ I ask.
‘Absolutely,’ he says.
Arrest this man.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“On the phone, Nick Epley had told me that he thinks that society, in which individuals are more isolated than ever before, would be happier if people talked to each other and made small connections when it’s easy to. When you’re both waiting in the same queue for twenty minutes; when the plane is delayed, you’re stuck at the gate, you’ve already listened to four podcasts and you’re admiring the shoes of the woman sitting next to you and want to tell her about something you just heard on Radio 4 but feel weird about it; when you want to ask the person eating lunch on a park bench where they got their delicious-smelling curry – maybe just do it. Most people will enjoy it.
And if you’re game to really talk, head into Deep Self territory. But don’t, say, grab a book out of someone’s hands and ask, ‘So, when was the last time you cried in front of someone else?’ (Trust me on that one. Although this question has been tested by Nick and will get you into fertile Deep Talk territory real fast.)”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“Good friends, family, and some vague acquaintances were sitting on my bed--which was incidentally the very place I usually went to escape from those good friends, family, and vague acquaintances. I had nowhere to hide. They were here for a party. How long until they left?”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“I watched my first penalty shoot-out during the World Cup 2014 (Brazil vs. Chile): men cried, I cried, Neymar cried. I was done for. I loved it.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“My confidence was dangerously high. Like, tall-American-men-after-four-beers high.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

“People are usually very happy to answer personal questions if they feel the person asking them is genuine and kind.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“A dinner party is social and unpredictable and requires juggling many things at once—all things introverts aren’t crazy about. For me, it meant so many anxieties to be addressed in one evening: fear of cooking bad food (a rational fear—I regularly burn dinner), fear of being held hostage by guests (how do you have an exit strategy in your own home?),”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

“I adjust my app settings so that I can be matched with women fifteen years younger and older than I am. Immediately, a woman with long dark hair appears in my app. She’s elegant. Forty-four years old. A novelist named Abigail. Who lives near by. I swiped right on her. Ding! We’ve matched.
She sends me a message. ‘I’ve never done this before, do you want to get coffee? If it’s bad, it’ll make a funny story, at least.’
Good opener, Abigail.
I message her back, ‘Yes! Let’s do it!”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“I would say to people, “I’m looking for new friends” and people would hear, “I have no friends”,’ Rachel B tells me over the phone from Chicago. ‘I had friends – just none in my current city. We feel desperate or weird reaching out for friendship, but we shouldn’t. It’s important.’
True. Friends listen to you, laugh with you, give you advice, encourage you, inspire you, fill your life with joy. A big source of my loneliness is not having a close friend I can call and meet for coffee at a moment’s notice and share everything that’s been happening in my life. Or a group of friends to go out with. Nothing big. Not too showy. A small coven I could count on to cast spells on my enemies. Brené Brown calls these friends ‘move a body’ friends. You know. The people you call when you accidentally murder someone.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

“I'm giddy just imagining the shit I'll get up to when I'm eighty.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously