Eliza Gordon > Quotes

“You do everything everyone tells you to do because you’re afraid that if you say no, they won’t like you.”
― Eliza Gordon, Must Love Otters

“just because society dictates certain norms and delivers them on a packhorse of guilt, it doesn’t mean we have to climb on. You deserve to be treated with respect by everyone you choose to have in your life. You deserve to be accepted for who you are. You have the right to be yourself because there is only one you. I think Dr. Seuss said it, didn’t he? Something about there is no one you-er than you?” She smiles. “My young friend, if someone does not grant you the respect you are due as a human being, no matter what their relationship to you, friend or blood, you have no obligation to suffer their presence in your life.”
― Eliza Gordon, Neurotica

“This is why I suck at meditation. I have the attention span of a flea that forgot to take his ADHD meds.”
― Eliza Gordon, Must Love Otters

“Self-pity is a fickle cow. She makes you feel worse about feeling worse. This”
― Eliza Gordon, Must Love Otters

“session—I never understand why a bride and groom take these photos before the wedding. It feels like I should be walking around with a giant sign that reads, “Spoiler alert!”
― Eliza Gordon, Hollie Porter Builds a Raft

“I don’t want to spend the next twenty-five years growing my ass and decorating my cubicle with photos of places I’ll never get to visit and/or counting down the days to my one week of paid vacation wherein I will take an all-you-can-eat cruise down to Mexico and end up with norovirus so I can spend the entire trip puking and shitting my guts out in a cabin the size of walk-in closet while the poor maid sneaks around me dressed in a full hazmat suit to leave clean towels and Mexican Pepto-Bismol. I cannot see myself doing the same mind-numbing job day in and day out, hoping that the company doesn’t go under, thereby ruining my chances of a decent retirement, during which I can join a real book club where we giggle about mommy porn and cross-stitch naughty sayings while we pass around plastic plates of Triscuits topped with canned cheese product and pimientos for color as the party host fills our glasses with Costco boxed wine and I sip surreptitiously from my flask that reads “Vodka never disappoints.” It may be okay for these women, but I can’t do it. I want more. (Although I do want that flask, so keep your eyes peeled in your travels, yeah?) Does that make me a jerk?”
― Eliza Gordon, Dear Dwayne, With Love

“we’re in Portland. So it would have to be craft beer. Probably one brewed in a tree trunk with organic hops and hipster, Birkenstock-wearing beer fairies arguing over who has the nicest Subaru. “You”
― Eliza Gordon, Hollie Porter Builds a Raft

“didn’t sit and listen to Ryan go on about hockey so that I could earn his affections or appear to be a good girlfriend. I did it because I love watching people talk about the things that make their hearts thrum.”
― Eliza Gordon, Hollie Porter Builds a Raft