George Wallace > Quotes

“How did the government spend three million dollars trying to find out if Jeffrey Dahmer was crazy? Three million dollars! Let me tell you something, when I’m president I will make one very simple law. Anytime you eat three or more people, you’re crazy!”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“Just because you’ve read someone’s Facebook status doesn’t mean you’re truly in touch with that person.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“something to add. And you know what bottom line keeps appearing in all of the holy books? DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU. Matthew 7:12 (Christianity) HURT NOT OTHERS IN WAYS THAT YOU YOURSELF WOULD FIND HURTFUL. Udana-Varga 5:18 (Buddhism) THIS IS THE SUM OF DUTY. DO NOT TO OTHERS WHAT WOULD CAUSE PAIN IF DONE TO YOU. Mahabharata 5:1517 (Hinduism) NONE OF YOU TRULY BELIEVES UNTIL HE WISHES FOR HIS BROTHER WHAT HE WISHES FOR HIMSELF. Number 13 of “Imam Al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadiths” (Islam) WHAT IS HATEFUL TO YOU, DO NOT TO YOUR FELLOW MAN. Talmud, Shabbat 31a (Judaism)”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“The past is not an endless collection of failures. It is instead a magnificent collection of lessons.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“Princess Leia once said to Darth Vader, “The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.” Now, that’s some serious wisdom between those Afro puffs hanging off the side of her head. Teenagers are like star systems. Your job is to maintain some order in the galaxy without becoming Darth Vader and losing them.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“Your work doesn’t define you, people. How you do your work defines you.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“Fight to connect with the young people in your family. Fight to help them find their way. Be there for them, and someday they’ll be there for you. That’s family. And family is everything.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“I can’t help but think that’s the way it should be. I pray for you, you pray for me. I love you, I need you to survive. I won’t harm you with words from my mouth. I love you, I need you to survive. – from “I Need You to Survive” by Hezekiah Walker and the LRC”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“If you’re making a family, you’re doing God’s work. It’s never easy, but the reward will go on for generations. Long after you’re gone. Now that is an amazing thing.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“There’s a whole lot of hating going on in His name, and I’m pretty sure that isn’t what he’s about. Everybody’s pointing fingers about who’s right and who’s wrong. That’s a little above our pay grades, in my opinion.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“Getting older is strange. You’re getting wiser and wiser, but there’s more and more crap you don’t understand. My neighbor knows the meaning of life but can’t work a microwave. My Aunt Winnie is the smartest lady I know. She tried Facebook for three days, got poked three times, then deleted her account.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“They’re going to screw up here and there. It will seem like you’re losing them. But you wiped their noses, you dried their tears, you tied them to the couch for their own safety. If you give them a little bit of freedom, they will come back to you.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“Calmly approach them and say hello. Once the target realizes that you are (a) not crazy, (b) not going to kill them, and (c) not selling anything, I bet they will return the greeting.”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!

“It is a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit. A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk, saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op. The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit. The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel owner then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100, and leaves. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looks to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a stimulus package works. – Anonymous”
― George Wallace, Laff It Off!